Insane Gudako
by revdb
Summary: Gudako, caught between the unending struggle to summon the strongest servants and her obsession to find more Saint Quartz, is dragged away into the Fourth Holy Grail War as a Servant. But instead of planning to win the war, she plans to dominate all the cool SSR servants that might appear and drag them back to Chaldea. Current arc: Gudako vs aliens
1. Chapter 1

Gudako was having a nightmare.

Maybe the stress of restoring the foundations of humanity was getting to her again.

Maybe it was the absurd number of Black Keys that had appeared instead of the servants she had so desperately hoped would appear.

As Gudako floated through the black void that was her nightmare, she saw a pointy rainbow-colored rock float by. Of course, it was Saint Quartz. The appearance was unmistakable. More and more Saint Quartz appeared till Gudako was literally swimming in them. The moment she reached out and tried to grab one, however, they all turned into Black Keys.

Gudako fell to her knees in despair. Despair as the gacha she desperately rolled never gave her the SSR servant she wanted, only getting spooked by more copies of Kiyohime and Black Keys. Maybe that was the price she paid for having the gall to put Kiyohime into her party and then taking her out as soon as she rolled Heracles.

As she sank into the piles of Black Keys, she saw Gilgamesh float past her. "Fuahahaha! Summoning me means you've used up all of your luck, mongrel!"

Next was Jeanne D'Arc, calmly floating by. "Servant Ruler, Jeanne D'Arc. I'm really glad to meet you!"

By the time Edmond Dantes floated by, Gudako was certain that the gacha was basically messing with her, waving all of these SSR servants just out of her reach.

As she slipped into the darkness,a voice rang out, clear as day. _**"I ask of you, are you my master?"**_

 _Ah_ , she thought. _Artoria, the only SSR that ever came to me._ She reached out her hand grabbed onto Artoria's cape, surprised that it was tangible. And so she clung onto Artoria's cape as they floated away into the void.

"Wait a minute, where are we going?"

* * *

Emiya Kiritsugu gazed stoically at Avalon, the sheathe of the holy sword Excalibur. He had prepared years for this, to summon the strongest servant, King Arthur, also known as the King of Knights. With Avalon as the catalyst, there was absolutely no way that anyone else could respond to the summons. So why was it that he couldn't shake off this feeling of impending doom?

Irisviel, who was standing next to him, seemed to notice his unease. "It'll be fine, I believe in you." She smiled at Kiritsugu.

"Yes," he replied. "Yes, that's right. We'll summon King Arthur and win this war." He placed Avalon on the altar and stepped next to the summoning circle.

Shaking off any lingering doubts, it was time to begin, for better or worse.

* * *

"Servant Saber has responded to your summons. I ask of you, are you my Mas-" Saber abruptly stopped as she realized that something was clinging to her legs. Everyone looked down to see that an orange-haired girl was laying on the floor with her arms wrapped around Saber's legs.

"W-what is this?!" Saber exclaimed as she tried to remove the girl from her legs, who had a surprising amount of grip strength.

Irisviel grabbed on to Kiritsugu's arm nervously. "Oh dear, what's happening?" Kiritsugu could only respond by trying to grab a gun he always kept on him, only to somehow fumble and drop it, such was his shock.

"Ow! Stop kicking me!" the orange-haired girl casually lifted Saber up. "Oh, it's just you, Artoria."

"W-who are you?! Why do you know my True Name?! Put me down!" Saber had a dangerous look in her eyes as she summoned her invisible sword and started waving it at the girl, only for her to respond by casually dodging all of her swings. Meanwhile, Kiritsugu scrambled to pick up the gun he dropped, only to accidentally trip over his own legs. Irisviel just had a horrified look on her face, not noticing that 3 Command Seals had etched themselves onto her left hand.


	2. Chapter 2

The orange-haired girl settled down as she dusted herself off and cleared her throat. Looking straight at Irisviel, she asked, "Are you my master?"

Looking back at those bright, orange eyes, she could only say yes. "Yes, I am Irisviel von Einzbern. I'll be your master for this war." Her face showed her confusion, as this girl didn't feel like a servant at all. If anything, she appeared to be an ordinary human, lacking that unique aura of power that a servant like Saber gave off from her mere presence. However, the link between master and servant was undeniable, even if she couldn't tell what class the girl was.

"Great! My name is Fujimaru Ritsuka, but you can call me Gudako!" Gudako did a fist pump into the air. Irisviel and Kiritsugu saw some familiar red marks on Gudako's right hand, and the significance of this was not lost on them.

"Excuse me, I have something to do." Kiritsugu promptly left the room. Everyone watched as the door closed behind him.

Gudako was the first to speak up. "Wow, that's kinda cold." She looked over at Saber. "Looks like you're gonna have a bit of a rough time here." All Saber could do was frown.

Afterwards, Irisviel showed the two servants to their rooms and then they were left to their own devices, as Irisviel had to go talk to Kiritsugu to discuss the events that transpired. Gudako looked around, then up at Saber.

"So...are you hungry?"

* * *

Gudako and Saber walked around the mansion. It wasn't like there was anything better to do at the moment, seeing how it was still nighttime and all. Gudako wasn't really paying attention, however, as she was busy tapping away at her smartphone (forever charged with 100% battery, courtesy of Irisviel's mana) with a look of intense focus. "What are you doing?" Saber asked curiously, and leaned over to get a better look.

Her eyes widened in shock. "I-is that me?"

Sure enough, on the screen she saw a miniature image of herself slashing away at what appeared to be skeletons, along with two other people that she didn't recognize. As Gudako picked more command cards to annihilate the last wave of enemies, Saber saw the name of her sword written on the top of the screen in big letters.

 **Excalibur, Sword of Promised Victory.**

What was more unbelievable to her was that she heard _her own voice_ scream out "Excalibur!" as the enemies were wiped out in a flash of light.

"Ah, I was so worried that my account would be gone, but everything's still here!" Gudako sighed in relief. She glanced over at Saber, who was looking a tad pale.

"Ah, so that's what it is." Gudako said. Of course, she was holding what amounted to what was basically a massive servant cheat sheet in the palm of her hand, filled to the brim with pictures of servants, along with their True Names, classes, and abilities, in what was essentially a video game. Of course, saving humanity through fixing singularities was anything but a game, but in her off time she enjoyed obsessing over Fate/Grand Order and mulling over how to get more Saint Quartz. Plus she already knew all of the servants of Chaldea personally so identifying them in a Holy Grail War shouldn't be too difficult anyways.

Looking at Saber straight in the eyes, she said, "It's just a game."

 _Just a game. Just a game. Just a game._

Saber was about to have an existential crisis as Gudako casually flipped through her servant collection on her phone, showing off their ascension arts and sprites, some of which included her own Knights of the Round Table. Was her existence just a video game character?

"Oi, are you there?" Saber snapped out of her stupor as Gudako waved a Golden Apple in front of her face. "You're not yourself when you're hungry, Artoria."

Hesitantly, Saber took the Golden Apple, checking if it was poisoned or something. Eyeing Gudako a bit suspiciously, she tried to tell what her class was. She didn't seem to be an Assassin. Actually Gudako didn't seem like a servant at all.

Satisfied that the apple wasn't tainted or anything along that line, she took a bite. Her eyes went wide as she felt a massive surge of power completely energizing her body. "Huh, guess it works on servants too. I've never tried feeding any apples to them." Gudako casually replied as she ate a Golden Apple of her own and refilled her AP. "Are you still hungry? I have more servant food. These were just sitting in my Second Archive anyways." She tapped some more on her smartphone and pulled out a big stack of 4* EXP cards, which promptly manifested as a pile of shiny gold crystals. "These EXP cards are Saber class too, so they should work better."

Curiously, Saber picked up one of those sparkling, gold crystals. For some reason, they seemed extremely inviting and she couldn't help herself as she popped one into her mouth. She could only think of one word.

 _ **Delicious.**_

They were kind of crunchy, but the taste was heavenly. Saber had never tasted such a thing before, and she couldn't stop herself as she reached down and continued to stuff her face with more EXP. Saber thought she felt kind of strange, it almost felt as she was getting...stronger? _No, that's impossible_ , she thought to herself. After all, the overall strength of a servant was basically set in stone at the time of their summoning. Right?

* * *

While Saber was sitting in the hallway stuffing her face with EXP, Gudako had wandered off by herself with smartphone in hand, farming more ascension materials for Saber in case she needed it. After all, she had been summoned with only her armor on, but was still lacking the crown and cape that came with the third ascension, so clearly she was still stuck at her second stage. And there was no way Gudako was going to go through this war with a half-baked servant, she was going to go all in and dominate everyone with a max ascension level 90 Artoria, maybe grail her a few times and get her skills to 10/10/10. Well maybe not Instinct, that skill sucks.

As Gudako turned around the corner, she saw a small girl peeking at her. A small girl with white hair and big crimson eyes stared back at her. Gudako decided to approach her.

"Hi there, who are you?" Gudako asked.

She looked back at this orange-haired girl, and deciding that she looked fairly harmless, decided to go up and introduce herself. "My name is Illyasviel von Einzbern. Who are you?"

"I'm Fujimaru Ritsuka, but you can call me Gudako! Your mother summoned me here." Gudako replied with a smile. She didn't actually know if this girl was Irisviel's daughter, but they looked close enough that it was likely correct.

Illya tilted her head in confusion. "But I thought papa was going to summon King Arthur?"

"Well he did, but your mama also summoned me as well, so I'll be helping both of them! By the way, what are you doing up so late?"

"Well, there were some loud crunching sounds outside, so I came out to see what was happening." Illya replied. Gudako nodded in understanding. After all, those EXP cards were pretty crunchy. "You can call me Illya. If you're helping papa and mama, then you get to be my friend!" she boldly declared while pointing up at Gudako.

 _Looks like she's one of those types of kids,_ Gudako thought to herself. "Well that's fine then. I accept!" She reached down and pat Illya on the head. "You look just like a princess, Illya."

"Ehehehe." She fidgeted a bit, never having anyone call her that besides her parents.

"So, Illya, what do you do here anyways?"

"Eh? Well I spend time with papa and mama, and read books, and study magic I guess?" she pondered out loud.

"Don't you ever go outside?"

"Hmm...I guess not, I suppose. As far as I can remember, I've always been in here." Illya replied while motioning to the mansion.

While Illya was mumbling to herself, Gudako had walked over to a nearby window and was trying to climb outside.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Illya exclaimed while running over to Gudako. "There are scary animals outside!"

Gudako simply put a finger up to Illya's lips while she looked up at the sky. _Hmm, no ring up in the sky, so this isn't a singularity. D-does this mean I can do whatever I want?!_

In her excitement, Gudako slipped and fell through the window toward the snowy ground below. She landed hard on her back, but to her the impact was merely nothing. Looking down, she saw buried halfway in the snow, a pointy rainbow-colored rock. At this point her Quartz sense was going off at full blast, and she desperately dug into the snow with her bare hands, and she was rewarded with a familiar looking rainbow rock.

"Impossible..." Gudako muttered to herself. "Saint Quartz...you came to me!" she danced around as she frantically continued to dig with her hands for more Quartz.

* * *

Illya looked down at Gudako and shouted, "Are you okay?" but received no reply as she watched the orange-haired girl start digging holes in the snowy ground underneath. She was digging at an astounding rate and showed no signs of slowing down. "Be careful, or you might run into the Bounded Field!"

At least Gudako was coherent enough to take that bit of advice from Illya, and stuck near the walls of the mansion. After a while, she decided that she did enough digging for now and casually jumped up and through the window.

Illya's eyes went wide at the display of superhuman jumping ability. "Wow, you must be strong, onee-san!"

 _To think that such a cute girl would call me onee-san,_ Gudako thought to herself while holding back tears, _truly I am blessed!_

"Look what I found!" Gudako held out the 3 Saint Quartz that she mad managed to dig out of the snow.

"Ooh." Illya looked at the pretty rainbow-colored stones. Even to a young magus the feeling of powerful mana that the Quartz gave off was obvious. "What do you do with them?" she asked.

"Come with me, I'll show you." Gudako replied as she took Illya's hand and began to lead her back to the room with the summoning circle. On the way, they passed by Saber, who had passed out and was now laying on the floor.

"W-what happened to her, onee-san?" Illya asked fearfully.

"Oh, she'll be okay. I guess she got a Super Success and couldn't handle the pleasure of leveling up 10 times in one sitting." Gudako shrugged.

"I don't really get it, but if you say so."

"That was King Arthur, by the way."

"Ehhhh?!"

* * *

Carefully sneaking into the room and closing the doors behind them, Gudako and Illya made their way over to the summoning circle. "Just stay next to me." Gudako said as she dropped the 3 Saint Quartz onto the summoning circle. Now was the hard part. She didn't actually know any of the words to the summoning ritual, usually she just put Quartz onto Mashu's shield and it would do its thing.

In the end, she decided to just poke the circle a few times and it lit up. "Oh, there we go."

Illya clung to Gudako's arm tightly as the Saint Quartz was consumed in a flash of light and a single card was left in the middle of the circle, gently hovering over the ground.

"Damn." Gudako muttered to herself as she walked over to grab the resulting Craft Essence. She was hoping for a servant as she needed more manpower for the war. It would have been an easy win if she did, but since she didn't pull a servant she'll just have to punch the opposing servants into submission herself.

"Huh, not too shabby. This should do nicely." Gudako said out loud as she looked at the Craft Essence she got. **_Verdant Sound of Destruction._**

"Ooh, can I see?" Illya looked at the card Gudako was holding and her eyes went wide. "I-is that me?!"

On the card was a picture of an older Illya wearing a purple and white outfit, with a rather angry expression.

"Yup, sure looks like it." Gudako replied as she inserted the Craft Essence into her smartphone. _In hindsight, it should have been obvious that having Illya next to the summoning circle would have caused this to happen,_ Gudako thought.

"So...what does it do?" Illya asked.

After a bit of thought, Gudako replied, "It makes servants hit harder."

Illya blinked. "That's it?"

"Yup. I was going to give this to Artoria. Don't tell your parents though. It's a secret!"

Illya put on a thoughtful expression on her face. "Hmm, okay then!"

"Good girl!" Gudako lifted Illya onto her shoulders. "Now, you should probably get to bed now, it's late."

Illya pouted. "Aww."

* * *

 ** _Verdant Sound of Destruction-_** _The Child of Nature calls. Mana-laden atmosphere, rage forth._ Increases servant's Buster performance by 15%.

* * *

 **I decided to make Gudako a bit Shirou-like with Illya here, seeing how Gudako is literally a genderbent Shirou. Don't worry, she's still a total psychopath on the inside. This fic contains random spoilers occasionally for Fate/Grand Order, be warned. Last chapter was just a test run, I think I might opt for frequent but shorter chapters instead of less frequent but longer chapters, although that may change. Of course, reviews are appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

Irisviel opened her eyes to see a familiar orange-haired girl in front of her, leading what appeared to be _servants_ up to a pit of fire and promptly throwing them in. Then she picked up a shovel and started to burn what appeared to be large pile of gold and silver crystals before excitedly running to a small hole at the bottom of the pit and began scooping out armfuls of small green cubes.

She watched as Gudako rushed out down a hallway and into a room, cubes in hand, and slammed them onto a counter. "Da Vinci-chan, I want summon tickets!"

Da Vinci pulled out 5 golden tickets and handed them to Gudako. "Now, now, don't go wasting them all right away." she chided, but Gudako had already dashed out of the room.

"Senpai, you really shouldn't waste all of your tickets when there's no rate-up." a purple-haired girl with glasses said.

"Hmmmm." Gudako was deep in thought. "Fine then Mashu, I'll just use one and save the rest." After all, Gudako still had to satisfy her gacha urges, if only just a bit.

She placed a summon ticket on Mashu's shield and watched as the ticket was consumed in a flash of light. In its place was a green-haired girl with horns wearing what looked like Japanese clothing.

"Berserker-class servant, Kiyohime has arri-" Before Kiyohime had even finished speaking, Gudako had already picked her up and was running down the hallway.

"Kyaa~ to think my master would be so bold! What are we going to do on the bed?" Kiyohime exclaimed, although Mashu was well aware by now that Gudako was probably going to burn her for more Mana Prisms. After all, Kiyohime had already been summoned at least a dozen times by now.

* * *

Irisviel woke from her slumber with a start, prompting Kiritsugu to ask her if she was alright.

"I'm fine, dear. I just had...a very strange dream."

* * *

The two masters and two servants had started preparing to leave for Fuyuki. Illya had come outside to say goodbye to her parents one last time before they left. Kiritsugu's face had instantly changed upon seeing his daughter run up to him. Even Saber had started smiling while watching Illya hug Kiritsugu. Gudako noted how the three of them finally looked like a family, and regardless of of how the war turned out, at least they were united back in Chaldea as a family of servants, even if they technically weren't the same people.

They all hugged, and after a bit of chitchat, Kiritsugu had turned to the car and left while Irisviel and the two servants would take the plane later.

Irisviel and Saber took Illya back into the mansion, and the rest of the time spent there was uneventful.

* * *

 ** _Later on..._**

 _"_ Everything's so lively here! This city is so amazing." Irisviel looked outside the car window in wonder. Irisviel, along with Gudako and Saber were in a car driving them towards the Einzbern castle outside of Fuyuki. Saber was wearing a black suit, and Gudako was wearing her usual clothes.

"Wow, you've never been to a city before?" Gudako asked.

Saber was about to speak, but Irisviel just shook her head. "It's fine, she doesn't know." Turning to Gudako, she explained how she had never left the castle and everything she knew about the outside world was taught by Kiritsugu.

"But still...seeing everything in person is completely different from reading about it in the books." Irisviel sighed.

Gudako looked over at Saber. "Wanna stop the car? We could let our master explore the city." she winked. Saber thought for a moment, and decided that it should probably be fine. "We can go buy souvenirs and stuff too, like food." Gudako added, while looking at a wad of cash that she had pulled out of nowhere.

The effect that would have on Saber was obvious, and Gudako knew it. "Stop the car!" Saber nearly yelled as the car pulled over to the curb.

Gudako excitedly opened the door while Irisviel sat there, bewildered. "Come on, it'll be fun!" Gudako exclaimed while pulling on Irisviel's arm.

"Alright then, Fujimaru." Irisviel smiled as Saber helped her get out of the car.

"You can just call me Gudako!" she gave a big smile back at Irisviel. After the first few days at Chaldea, no one had really called her by her actual name. It was either "Gudako", "Master", or "Senpai" depending on the person talking.

"In that case, you're welcome to just call me Iri. What about you, Saber?"

"When we're outside, I would prefer it if you would simply refer to me as Saber. Although...I would not mind so much if you called me Artoria when we are in the castle, away from the enemy."

"Woo! That settles it then!" Gudako exclaimed as she dragged Irisviel by the arm with one hand and smartphone in the other.

"Where are we going?" Irisviel asked as Saber quickly caught up to them.

"I dunno, we'll figure something out!"

* * *

After a long girls' day out, which involved a lot of eating on Saber's part and a lot of cash being tossed around on buying souvenirs and random bits of sightseeing in the city, the trio were out on the beach as the sky was slowly getting dark.

"My, how beautiful..." Irisviel muttered as she laid her eyes on the ocean scene in front of her.

Saber smiled. "Would you like to get closer to the ocean?"

Irisviel was already dashing towards the water before Saber even finished speaking, shoes thrown aside onto the sand. "Come join me, Saber!" she waved.

Saber decided to humor her and removed her shoes before walking along the shore together quietly.

"To have two lovely ladies to accompany me through the city, I really must thank both of my wonderful servants." Irisviel said gratefully.

"A Servant's duty is to assist their master, after all. Besides, it was Gudako that did most of the work." Saber replied. Gudako's Maps app on her smartphone had taken out most of the guesswork involved in touring the city, being able to pick out the best restaurants, stores, and scenic areas with utmost efficiency.

"Now that you mention it, where is she?" Irisviel asked. She turned around and was about to call out to Gudako when she saw her digging a path through the sand with her bare hands. For a split second she thought Gudako was swimming through land.

"Gudako, what are you doing?" Saber asked, making a strange expression at her fellow servant's odd behavior.

Gudako got up and shook off all the sand on her body. "Look what I found!" she showed them a handful of strange rainbow-colored rocks with a large smile on her face.

"What are these?" Irisviel asked, clearly feeling the large amount of mana packed into these small stones. She found it odd how she didn't detect them at all.

"Saint Quartz." was all Gudako said before stuffing them away in her smartphone. "They're useful."

All she got were odd looks from both Saber and Irisviel.

They continued walking down the shoreline until Saber quickly stopped them, materializing her armor.

"There's an enemy Servant up ahead." Saber pointed ahead at the docks.

"I can feel it too." Gudako replied, her demeanor changing completely. "Should we engage? Judging from their behavior, they seem to be issuing a challenge."

"We might as well go for it." Irisviel replied.

"Remember the plan." Saber reminded. "You'll act as my master and provide support, Irisviel, and Gudako should..." she frowned, realizing that none of their plans had actually been made with Gudako in mind.

"I'll protect her! After all, she's my actual Master." Gudako smirked. "And I can also provide support to you as well if necessary, Saber."

"Very well. Then let us be on our way." Saber picked up Irisviel and was about to dash towards the docks before Gudako picked _her_ up and proceeded to carry Artoria, who was carrying Irisviel, and dash off towards the docks.

Saber was about to complain but Gudako just hushed her. "Save your energy for the fight." Saber had no choice but to accept.

* * *

Lancer looked up to see what appeared to be three women fly through the air before landing in front of him.

"Well... I must say, this is unexpected." he said, scratching his head.

The three women quickly got into formation, with Saber in front, invisible sword at the ready, Irisviel in the back, and Gudako directly in front of Irisviel.

Lancer quickly eyed all three women, judging that the woman in blue armor was the Servant, the woman with white hair and crimson eyes the Master. He wasn't sure what the orange-haired girl was there for, but he'd deal with that later. A quick check through the mental link confirmed that his Master was safely hidden away.

"I am Servant Lancer of this Holy Grail War. To be honest, I was quite surprised that I would have a battle on my hands so soon."

Gudako, unable to help herself, blurted out "Hey Diarmuid!"

* * *

Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald nearly choked when that girl had just shouted out his Servant's True Name like she was greeting an old friend. Had he been spied upon? No, that was impossible, he thought to himself. He had set up a Bounded Field and other magical defenses, he wouldn't have been spied upon so easily, not without noticing it.

 _Shit!_ he thought to himself. _Had the catalyst been compromised at some point?_ He already had his main catalyst stolen, which he had meant to summon Alexander the Great with, so the fact that someone might have been aware of his backup catalyst wouldn't be so farfetched.

Sighing internally, he sent an order to his Servant to fight cautiously, as they might now be aware of his abilities. The fight hadn't even begun and something had already gone wrong.

* * *

Diarmuid stood there in shock. Had he known this girl at some point? _No,_ he thought to himself. _I don't recognize this girl._

Gudako frowned. "Huh, guess you don't remember me either. Well whatever, I'll let you and Saber do your thing now." Everyone watched in shock as Gudako took her place next to Irisviel, looking a tad bored.

Lancer had to reevaluate his opinion of the girl. It seemed that she knew a great deal of info about him, and he probably couldn't let her leave alive lest she began running around telling everyone his True Name. But still, that could wait until after he had defeated this female Servant in blue armor.

"Well," he began, "I was hoping for an honorable duel with you, although I wasn't expecting my name to be revealed so easily. But since you seem to have already figured it out already, I'll formally introduce myself. I am Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, one of the Knights of Fianna." he bowed to Saber.

Saber, being bound by the rules of chivalry, replied in kind. "I am Servant Saber, Artoria Pendragon, King of Britain."

If Lancer was surprised at the gender reveal, he did not show it. "It is an honor to duel with the King of Knights." Lancer readied his twin spears. "Now, shall we begin?"

* * *

Irisviel watched nervously as the two Servants clashed, while Gudako was feeling pretty confident that Saber would win. After all, everyone knew that Sabers were strong against Lancers. According to _Saber Wars_ , all the Lancers were hunted to extinction while all the Archers were imprisoned as criminals. _Or maybe not,_ she cringed as a red spear nearly took off Saber's head.

Saber quickly backed off as Lancer's red spear managed to draw blood from her side, prompting Irisviel to cast a healing spell on her. Inwardly, Gudako thought that she could probably do a better emergency heal than Irisviel, but she didn't want to show her tricks yet. Or maybe she was just too lazy, who knows.

At some point in the fight, Lancer had discarded his second spear but Gudako realized that he was slowly controlling the flow of the fight to lead them both closer to where it lay on the floor. When the position was just right, he kicked up the spear from the ground and swiped it at Saber, who deftly moved back.

The red spear, Gae Dearg, had already tore away at the shroud of wind surrounding Excalibur, and Saber had decided to go all in for a heavy blow when Lancer, instead of trying to block or dodge, unexpectedly went for a quick strike at Saber's left arm with the shorted, yellow spear. The sudden hit shifted Saber's attack off target.

Gudako winced as Irisviel sent another healing spell to no effect. Gae Buidhe inflicted wounds that didn't heal. If Saber couldn't couldn't pull herself into an advantageous position then Gudako would forcibly take command of her if need be. _Was this how Masters fought in the Holy Grail Wars?_ Gudako thought to herself. She still hadn't seen Lancer's master show himself either. _How disappointing._

Saber and Lancer were about to go for another round when thunder suddenly struck down from the skies, forcing them both to retreat.

"Irisviel, get down!" Gudako pulled her in close and dived out of the way of another thunder strike.

When the smoke cleared, a large chariot was occupying the space that Saber and Lancer were previously at, and a large red-haired man stood up.

"Sheathe your blades, for you are in the presence of a King!" the man that could only be Rider bellowed. He looked around at all the Masters and Servants. "I am-"

"You're Iskandar, King of Conquerors, brought to this Holy Grail War as Servant class Rider!" Gudako shouted. After all, she's heard this exact speech already back in Chaldea.

"Err yes-"

"Next you're gonna ask all of us to join your army, right?" Gudako's mouth was practically going at full blast now.

"So this is what they mean by having your words taken out of your mouth..." Rider scratched his head, having lot a lot of his prior enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, Waver Velvet was shaking and practically frothing at the mouth. "W-why do you know his name!" he cried out. Rider didn't seem to be anywhere as nervous as Waver, but then again he was already planning on telling everyone from the start anyways.

Rider cleared his throat. "Well anyways, I am here to ask the two of you," Rider motioned to Saber and Lancer, "if you would surrender and forfeit the Holy Grail to me. I will consider you as my own allies, and you shall know the pleasure and thrill of world domination!"

Saber was shocked into silence. He came all this way just to ask that? Lancer, on the other hand, wasn't quite as shocked, and answered first.

"Unfortunately, I have already pledged to serve my lord, so I must decline your offer." Lancer stated.

"You interrupt our fight for this?!" Saber was rather angry. "This is an insult to a knight such as I! I am already the King of Britain, and I will not bow my head to another king!"

"Oh? I didn't know the King of Knights was a little girl!"

"Would you like a taste of the strength of this 'little girl'?" Saber's expression darkened.

Rider could only sigh in defeat. "It seems negotiations have failed... I was hoping to have more people I could call my comrades. At least I have this Master of mine who's willing to join me! Ha ha ha!" Rider smacked Waver's back pretty hard and it seemed like poor Waver was having a meltdown.

"Hey, what about me? You didn't ask me!" Gudako pouted.

"Oh? I didn't think a human would be interested in joining, especially not a little lady like you! So, are you interested?" Rider grinned at the orange-haired girl.

"Nah, I already have an army." Gudako blew a raspberry at the King of Conquerors. Granted Gudako's army only consisted of under 200 people, but he didn't need to know that. He also didn't need to know that technically he was in said army already, just in a different timeline.

"Oh? Is that so?" Rider asked, clearly intrigued.

"Yeah, and I'm a King too, you know." Gudako kept talking. Even the other Servants and Masters were a bit interested in what she had to say.

"Now this is getting interesting. What kind of King are you, then?" Rider's interest thoroughly piqued.

"The King of Servants."

Rider frowned. "I can't say I've heard of such a thing."

"Me neither." Of _course not, I made it up on the spot._

"So, are you gonna ask that guy up there too?" Gudako asked, pointing straight at Assassin, who had been here the whole time perched up on a pole.

"Tch!" Assassin threw a knife at Gudako's head and made to escape into the shadows.

The knife never made it, as Gudako had caught it between two fingers without even turning around. Everyone present gasped.

"So, it looks like we have a fighter here. Looks like I have to teach you a little lesson."

Gudako turned her head and stared straight up at Assassin, who was thoroughly paralyzed by the most terrifying stare he had ever laid eyes on. By extension, Kirei Kotomine, who was watching through his Servant's eyes, was also paralyzed by what were the emptiest eyes he had ever seen.

* * *

 **5 seconds later...**

* * *

Gudako dusted off her hands after reducing Assassin to a splatter on the ground. "So, that takes care of that."

Everyone present was taken aback at Gudako's sudden display of power. Even Rider seemed rather shocked at this turn of events.

Irisviel was especially affected. "W-who are you?"

Gudako turned around and bowed to Irisviel. "Fujimaru Ritsuka, summoned as Servant class Master." She grinned and looked up.

"But you can call me Gudako!"


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone stared in shock at this new revelation. Not only was the orange-haired girl a Servant, but she had revealed herself to be quite strong, being able to hunt down Assassin without any apparent effort on her part.

"He'll be fine." Gudako pointed at the splatter on the ground that was once Assassin. "Hundred-Faced Hassan won't die that easily. You'll have to kill all 100 bodies to be completely rid of Assassin."

Everyone present could only nod in understanding at this sudden reveal of information. Kiritsugu had quickly tucked this information in his mind, and made plans to increase security at the castle later. The other Masters did the same thing, making plans to increase security at their own bases of operation.

"Oh? To think that there's one competent Servant in this war. I may have underestimated you, girl."

Everyone looked up to see a blond man in shining gold armor standing on a light pole looking down on everyone. By process of elimination, it was clear that this Servant was neither Caster nor Berserker, so therefore he must be the Archer of this war.

"But to think there would be two fools that dare to refer to themselves as Kings. Such insolence." The golden Servant looked displeased.

Rider could only rub his chin with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I am known here as Alexander the Great, King of Conquerors."

"Fool. The only real King in the Heaven and Earth, is me. The rest are simply mongrels."

"If you really are such a king, couldn't you announce your name?" Rider asked.

This statement seemed to really tick Archer off on a personal level. "I grace you all with my presence, yet you cannot even recognize me. Your ignorance knows no bounds."

The air surrounding Archer was instantly wrapped in a golden haze. From within, the glow of breathtaking blades emerged. It was immediately obvious that these were not common blades. Each and every weapon were emitting massive amounts of magical energy, ranging from short swords to long spears, each and every one of them a peerless Noble Phantasm.

Saber's face had paled. Irisviel instinctively took a step back. Waver and Kayneth both gulped. Kiritsugu and Maiya, who were perched at a distance, could also feel the pressure that Archer exuded. Gudako looked as if she had seen this hundreds of times already.

"Oh? I like that look on your face, girl. Prove to me that you aren't just another mongrel and the King may acknowledge you a little."

Without warning, he fired all the weapons at Gudako. She jumped into action immediately, kicking Irisviel out of the way before moving her arms so fast that it was a blur against the coming onslaught of weapons. Within a few seconds, all the weapons lay in neat piles on the floor, sorted by swords, axes, spears, etc. There were no dramatic explosions or massive clouds of dust kicked up. Gudako had plucked the weapons out of the air one by one and systemically categorized all the weapons without so much as scratching a single one.

Everyone gaped while Archer looked slightly amused. "Interesting, girl. Who taught you?" he asked as he recalled his weapons, his vault just a bit tidier than before.

"Everyone." Gudako replied with a cryptic smile.

"Interesting answer." Archer looked at the others. "As for the rest of you..."

Before he could finish his sentence, however, a loud howl rang out. A flood of prana rushed forth as a figure in dark armor emerged from the sky and landed on top of Gudako before approaching Archer, leaving Gudako face-down on the ground.

Everyone tensed up immediately at this man who could only be Berserker, with the exception of Archer, who simply narrowed his eyes.

"Did you want something from me, dog?" Archer looked down as he summoned weapons into the air, all trained on Berserker.

Berserker let out an unholy cry and rushed at Archer. Immediately the weapons in the air fired in a constant stream at the warrior of madness.

The raw destructive power backing each weapon was enormous, and yet Archer was firing these weapons like throwing stones.

After several moments, the ground was riddled with craters, but through the dust clouds the Berserker was revealed to be still standing, with most of the weapons not having found their mark. In his hand was one of Archer's swords.

The Masters couldn't tell what happened, but the Servants present could tell easily enough. It was clear that Berserker had grabbed one of the swords flying at him and used it to parry all the other incoming weapons.

But only the proper owner of a Noble Phantasm should be able to wield it effectively. Anyone else who tried to use one would not be able to expertly handle such a thing, yet here was Berserker, wielding the sword as if he had been swinging it since the day he was born.

"You dare to touch one of my treasures with your filthy hand...do you want to die that badly, cur?!"

Berserker charged once again as Archer lined up even more weapons.

* * *

 _Everyone...huh?_

Gudako's head hurt. No, not from when Berserker bowled her over to the ground. Such a puny attack wouldn't have done Gudako in that easily.

 _My memories...are jumbled..._

Of course, piggybacking off Artoria's summoning would have unintended consequences. For one, half-assed summonings tend to mess with the memories of a Servant.

 _Artoria..._

 _My only SSR?_

 _Is that true?_

 _No..._

 _I'm getting reality mixed up with the mobile game..._

And it was true. Artoria was Gudako's only SSR in the mobile game Fate/Grand Order, and while she was filled with salt most of the time, this wasn't the case in real life, where Gudako regularly risked her own life, along with her Servants to restore the foundations of humanity. On her missions to singularities, she had befriended Servants, and stealthily grabbed small pieces of their clothes before they disappeared to use as summoning catalysts alongside Saint Quartz. Most of the time it worked and she would welcome said Servants into Chaldea with open arms.

Somewhere along the line, her sense of self had gotten warped by the summoning ritual. That wasn't to say that Gudako wasn't crazy. If you asked all of her Servants in Chaldea, they would agree that she was honestly pretty quirky. However, they also agreed that she was definitely hero material. Even Gilgamesh of all people had begrudgingly been impressed by her performance as a Master.

Blurry memories of asking to train with the Knights of the Round Table returned to her. Then memories of asking the Greek heroes to train her, then the Japanese ones, then the anti-heroes, and even Gilgamesh himself to teach her how to get stronger. By the end of it all, everyone in Chaldea agreed that she was actually some sort of superhuman to complete the ridiculous training that was on the level of Servants, a superhuman that couldn't have existed in the modern era but she pulled it off anyway.

Because she was a Protagonist.

* * *

Gudako slowly picked herself up, having regained her proper sense of self after Berserker had knocked her head into the ground. Apparently a blow to the head was all she needed to be fully self aware.

She looked up to see Gilgamesh shooting weapons at Lancelot.

"Gilgamesh!" Gudako shouted.

Gilgamesh looked startled for a split second before a grin appeared on his face. "Oh, so you do recognize your one true King. You've impressed me more than I thought you would, girl!" He fired another volley of weapons at Lancelot, who was knocking them all away from himself. "As much as I would like to see how you can entertain me, I'm busy dealing with this dog here."

Lancelot had grabbed a broken iron pole and was now swinging it wildly, yet oddly precisely at the revealed King of Heroes.

Gilgamesh jumped backwards while staring to the distance.

"Tch!" He spat. "You think someone like you could appease a king's anger? Don't be so presumptuous, Tokiomi."

Instantly the glow of weapons faded from the air.

"You've dodged death by a hair, dog." Gilgamesh said to Berserker.

"As for the rest of you," Gilgamesh said the the remaining Servants, "reduce the number of mongrels that remain. I will not tolerate anything less."

As he faded to spirit form, he turned around and looked at Gudako. "You have potential, girl. Stay alive until the end of this war. The King commands it."

 _To think that someone that has completed the ancient Workout of Babylon still exists out there..._

* * *

Berserker turned to look for a new target, and he locked eyes with only one Servant. _Saber._

Saber instantly felt a shiver down her spine as the black Servant stared at her with murderous rage.

"Urr..."

" **...Ar..urrrr!** "

Berserker rushed at Saber and swung the iron pole he was holding with full force.

Saber immediately blocked with her Excalibur, but was shocked when she realized that Berserker was swinging what amounted to a stick of scrap metal at her.

Everyone else was surprised as well, with the sole exception of Gudako. She had immediately recognized who it was the moment he appeared, his blackened armor and helmet doing nothing to conceal his identity from someone who had served as his Master, having battled and bonded with over a long stretch of time.

Even Gudako knew that shouting Lancelot's name would probably have a bad effect on Artoria, who was already having issues dealing with him with an injured hand from Lancer's earlier attack.

Berserker threw his makeshift weapon at Saber, but it never connected. It was immediately cut down by Lancer's red spear.

"Berserker, stop this foolishness. I already have an engagement with Saber. If you don't stop, I won't stay quiet." Lancer announced, pointing his red spear at Berserker.

"What are you doing, Lancer?!" A voice rang out. "This is the perfect opportunity to defeat Saber!"

"The fight with Saber is a battle that I, Diarmuid ua Duibhne, gambled my honor on!" Lancer shouted to who was obviously his Master. "First I'll put down this mad dog, then with my duel with Saber-"

"No."

The reply was cold and unmerciful.

"Lancer, I order you with the Command Seal. Assist Berserker and kill Saber."

The Command Seal, an absolute order from the Master to the Servant that cannot be disobeyed. The moment it was deployed, Lancer no longer had any free will. Gudako knew that better than anyone else.

"Saber...I am sorry." Lancer's two spears moved automatically and struck toward Saber.

The blow never made it.

Gudako had summoned a knife to her hand and parried Lancer's attack.

Lancer quickly jumped backwards in shock while Gudako twirled the knife in her hand. "Ganging up on someone doesn't seem very honorable, Diarmuid."

* * *

 _Chaldea at some time in the future..._

"Oh grail-kun, I wonder if I could use one of these grails and sneak a wish. I wonder if anyone would even notice." Gudako talked to herself as she polished one of her many Holy Grails.

"What is it, Gudako-kun?" a voice asked.

"Huh?" Gudako looked around but didn't see anything.

"Down here." Gudako looked down at her hands, which was holding a Holy Grail and a cloth.

"Woah, you can talk?" Gudako asked the Grail, before turning around to make sure no one else was around.

"Yeah, I heard you had some problems that you wanted to talk about."

"Hmm... I wish Servants weren't so weak when I first summon them. Having to feed them Embers of Wisdom and getting ascension materials is too much work."

A kitchen knife fell out of nowhere and plunged into the ground in front of Gudako. "Servant Strengthening Device!"

Gudako looked down at the knife. "Eh?"

"Use this to give them some encouragement." The Grail whispered.

Gudako bent down and picked up the knife, her expression oddly blank. " _You're right."_

* * *

Gudako slashed her Servant Strengthening Device at Diarmuid furiously, forcing him away from Saber. Forcing a Lancer back with a short weapon like a knife was ridiculous, but Gudako's knife was known for not taking any prisoners in Chaldea. Lancer continued to parry her blows automatically, although his face showed his gratitude.

"Oi, big guy. I'm watching you, so you better not be planning anything!" Gudako shouted at Rider.

"I'm not, don't worry." Rider shouted back. He had considered running Berserker over with his Gordius Wheel after the two Servants started attacking Saber together, but now he was more interested in watching the orange-haired girl actually fight.

"Gah!" In a completely unexpected move, Gudako dived towards the ground and stabbed Lancer in the leg, the curse from a certain tainted grail leaving its effect on the resulting wound.

"Hmph, this should do for now." Gudako muttered as she ran back toward Saber. The tainted knife left wounds that healed very slowly. Moving quickly at this time would be impossible for Lancer.

"Irisviel, I'm taking control of Saber!" Gudako shouted while running back to where Saber and Berserker were. Saber was clearing having a hard time.

"Eh?" Both Irisviel and Saber had the same reaction as Gudako raised her right hand at Saber.

"Saber, I'm binding you to myself! Obey my will and we'll crush Berserker!" Gudako shouted as her Command Seals glowed red.

Saber instinctively knew what to do. "Very well. I'm in your care, Master!"

"Take this!" Gudako equipped _**Verdant Sound of Destruction**_ onto Saber, the Craft Essence dissolving into Saber's body.

Gudako also remembered that Saber's hand was injured. "First Aid! Instant Enhancement!" Using the magic in her clothing, Gudako quickly healed and strengthened Saber to compensate for the loss of power in her hand.

Gudako waved her hand in front of herself as five Command Cards appeared. Artoria had one Quick, two Arts and two Buster cards. Gudako quickly chose Buster, Quick, Buster, in that order, forming a Brave Chain since all three cards belonged to the same Servant. "Let's go, Artoria!"

As Berserker swung his pole, Saber parried with unexpected force, a Buster attack bolstered by the Craft Essence. The powerful blow knocked the pole out of Berserker's hands, reverting to an ordinary iron pole.

"Quick!" As Berserker rushed to pick up another weapon, Saber stopped him with two light but fast slashes.

"Buster!" Saber spun around and slammed the sword into Berserker with extreme force, backed by the Craft Essence. Being the third command card in the chain as well as having the first command be a Buster strengthened the hit further, hitting much harder than was expected for even a Saber class.

"Finish it!" Gudako screamed as Saber charged in for her Extra Attack, slashing at Berserker twice before blasting him with the Invisible Air on Excalibur, sending him flying.

Berserker could barely move after that BQB combo, and quickly retreated by fading away into spiritual form.

"Well, that was something, little girl! That was a magnificent display of power!" Rider actually stood up and applauded Gudako and Saber.

"Master of Lancer! I think it's best if you took your leave." Gudako shouted as she brandished her knife.

"...Lancer. We're done for today." A voice rang out, and Lancer slowly stood up and retreated into spiritual form.

"We'll finish this next time, Saber." Lancer said before fading away.

Waver chuckled nervously. "Come on, Rider. We should probably go too."

As Rider flew off while shouting something about joining his army, Gudako turned back to Saber and Irisviel.

"Let's go, guys. We should probably head home."

* * *

Name: Fujimaru Ritsuka (Gudako)

Class: Master

Master: Irisviel von Einzbern

Parameters

Strength: F

Endurance: F

Agility: F

Mana: F

Luck: F

Noble Phantasm: F

Skills

Gudako Strength EX: Gudako's crazed strength actualized as a skill. It is said that she subjugates disobedient servants by wrestling them. Grants rank E-EX Strength depending on the situation.

Presence Suppression B: For sneaking around Chaldea, as well as getting around those pesky security systems. Forces Gudako's parameters to display as F rank (F is equivalent to an ordinary human). Doesn't improving your skill at hiding, but others perceive you as an ordinary, harmless human. True parameters may be revealed if Gudako does something outrageous in front of an enemy.

Berserker EX: Different from Mad Enhancement in that the user can will themselves to stop using this skill and regain their sanity. Also allows the user to speak with others afflicted with Mad Enhancement and achive mutual understanding, although translating what is said is a different story. Actual effect of this skill depends on the state of mind of the user. If this skill would activate while current strength is EX, strength will display as rank E (strength levels so high it breaks the parameter system).

Intimidation A: Use of any method needed to intimidate or scare the target, such as threats, blackmail, torture, etc. The Bravery skill counters this skill based on its rank.

Quartz Sense EX: Gudako stumbles onto small piles of Quartz hidden around the city. Finding too much Saint Quartz can trigger Gudako Strength. At EX rank, Saint Quartz can be found just by wandering around.

Class Skills

Command Seals (no rank): Gives an absolute order to a Servant that cannot be disobeyed. When the bond level with the Servant is high, can cause miracles to occur. Gudako possesses 3 Command Seals, and one Seal regenerates per real day. As a Master that is also a Servant, Gudako's Command Seals are more powerful than a regular Master.

1 Seal: Unseal Noble Phantasm (can potentially power up a Noble Phantasm 3 times), repair spiritual core (completely restores a Servant to perfect condition)

3 Seals: Restore spiritual core. Revives an entire party of dead Servants. A miracle that an ordinary Master in a Holy Grail War cannot do.

Servant's Beloved EX: Can form powerful bonds with Servants that can transcend lifetimes. At high bond levels, Servant and Master can fight in perfect sync.

Artoria is at bond level 2 (feeding EXP cards, commanding her in battle).

True Name Discernment EX: Any Servant Gudako knows in Chaldea will have their identities known if seen elsewhere, no questions asked.

Command Cards (no rank): Gudako can command up to 3 Servants at once in battle, with 3 more as backup. Utilizes Quick/Arts/Buster commands to effectively support Servants in combat. What cards a Servant has can vary.

Quick: Light but fast attacks that aim at weak points. A Quick Chain (3 quick in a row) rushes the enemy with fast blows, leaving them wide open to critical attacks the following round. Leading a chain with Quick makes following attacks more likely to hit a weak spot.

Arts: Skillful attacks that deal consistent damage to the enemy, also opens them up to an attack from a Noble Phantasm. An Arts Chain continuously attacks with consistent hits, allowing Noble Phantasms to be used more easily. Leading a chain with Arts makes following attacks charge Noble Phantasms more.

Buster: Strong attacks that trade away finesse for powerful blows. A Buster Chain aims to pulverize the enemy with brute force. Leading a chain with Buster makes following attacks hit harder.

Noble Phantasms

Servant Strengthening Device

Rank C, Anti-Unit

A kitchen knife granted by a certain Holy Grail that Gudako has in her collection. Said to make Servants stronger if you use it on them. Supposedly. Can make Gudako berserk if wielded, and causes her Intimidation skill to rank up while this knife is in her hand.

Mystic Code: Chaldea

Rank B

Gudako's usual clothes, which is a uniform granted to Masters of Chaldea. She has mastered the powerful support magic this Mystic Code grants. As a Servant, this uniform has been elevated to a Noble Phantasm.

First Aid: Powerful healing magic that can quickly mend a Servant's spiritual core.

Instant Enhancement: Boosts the attacking strength of a Servant for one turn. Can potentially make their attack one rank higher if the boost is strong enough.

Emergency Evade: Makes a Servant abnormally fast, allowing them to evade all incoming attacks for one turn.

Smartphone

Rank D

An ordinary smartphone from the future, holds things like food, money, EXP cards and ascension materials in a pocket dimension. Also has the typical things you would expect on a smartphone like apps. Obviously contains a copy of Fate/Grand Order.

Gudako's Ultimate Move

TBD (lol)

 **Thank you all for your support, dear readers. I plan to give Gudako a proper backstory since I don't want to write myself into a corner or turn this into a crackfic. I still plan to keep things funny, but I won't make Gudako full blown insane or anything like that. With that being said, I'll probably still make her kind of OP, this story is still meant to be funny anyways. As usual, reviews are appreciated. Thank you all for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**In Einzbern Castle dining room...**

"So," Irisviel began, "your ability as a Servant is to command other Servants?"

Gudako nodded. It was already a miracle that she had kept her skills hidden for so long. Now that she had exposed herself during the earlier fight, her Master could read her skills without any issues.

"What are her skills, Iri?" Kiritsugu asked. Gudako was proving to be a valuable, if unexpected asset.

Irisviel closed her eyes and focused for a bit. "What is this...Gudako Strength? It says her strength can fluctuate from E to EX."

"Sometimes I use too much strength when I hit things." Gudako shrugged.

Irisviel could only imagine what sort of life her Servant had to gain such a skill. "She also has Presence Suppression at rank B. Instead of making herself invisible to other Servants, she appears as a mundane being and people just tend to automatically ignore her, unless she does something that would draw their attention to her."

"Very interesting." Kiritsugu commented. _I could use her as an Assassin if needed._

"Yes, very interesting indeed." Gudako nodded in agreement while Saber ate her bread.

"Berserker EX..." Irisviel kept listing off her skills. "It's like Mad Enhancement that Berserkers have, except she can turn it off."

"So I suppose that she could handle herself in direct combat if needed." Kiritsugu stated.

Gudako reached for a saltshaker and shook it over her soup, but the top came off and the entire container of salt poured into her bowl.

"▂▂▃▃▅▅-▂▂▃▃▅▅■■■■ーー！！" Gudako shouted.

"Now, now." Irisviel replaced Gudako's soup and she calmed down.

"I want to ask you about those." Kiritsugu pointed at Gudako's Command Seals.

"Oh, these things." Gudako looked at her hand. "They pretty much work the way you would expect them to. They're probably stronger than yours, too."

"By the power of my Command Seal, come to my room after dinner, Saber." A Command Seal disappeared as the order took hold on Saber.

"W-what?!" Saber almost spit out her food. Kiritsugu and Irisviel also looked quite alarmed.

"Don't worry, guys. A Command Seal regenerates every midnight. If anything, it would be a waste if I didn't use one."

"T-that's not the point!" Saber exclaimed. "Do you always do this to your Servants?!"

Memories of "getting bond levels" flashed through Gudako's head. "Yeah." Getting everyone in Chaldea to bond level 10 wasn't easy, you know.

Gudako lifted Saber over her head and ran out of the dining room. "We'll be back soon, Kiritsugu and Irisviel! I'll show you guys something interesting later!"

Kiritsugu and Irisviel could only sit there, bewildered.

* * *

"Thanks for the meal." Satisfied that she got another bond level, Gudako got off the bed and got dressed. Artoria was still laying on the bed, hips and legs still twitching uncontrollably.

 _What was I gonna do after taming Artoria?_ Gudako already had plenty of experience at getting bond levels with all the Artorias in Chaldea, and this Artoria was no different.

 _Oh right, I need to find Kiritsugu and Irisviel._

Calling out to Irisviel mentally, Gudako told her that everyone should meet at the courtyard. After that was done, she slapped Artoria around a few times to get her to snap out of her stupor.

Groaning, Artoria got up and summoned her dress as she made her way to the courtyard with Gudako.

* * *

Gudako and Artoria walked out to the courtyard, where Kiritsugu and Irisviel were already waiting.

"What did you want to show us, Gudako?" Irisviel asked.

"Before I start, how much do you know about Servant summoning?" Gudako asked.

Irisviel looked at Kiritsugu for a moment before replying. "Well, the summoning ritual calls a copy of a hero from the Throne of Heroes and with the help of the Grail, it summons them as a Servant for the Holy Grail War."

"What if I told you that you could make a Servant even stronger?" Gudako asked, and everyone gasped. "You see, you pull a Servant from the Throne of Heroes, but it's not a perfect copy. With the process of evolving the Saint Graph of a Servant, they can reach closer to their ideal form."

Kiritsugu's eyes widened. "You don't mean..."

"Doing this to a Servant means pulling a more exact copy from the Throne of Heroes. Obviously calling a Heroic Spirit straight from there is impossible, but with this, they'll be much stronger." Gudako turned to Artoria. "Do you want to try it out?"

She thought for a little bit, then nodded.

"Great!" Gudako pulled out her knife and started etching an arcane circle on the stone ground. Everyone looked on in interest. "Don't bother trying to do this yourself, I'm the only one that can do the ascension process." _I have no idea what I'm doing,_ she thought to herself as she etched the circle, drawing random scribbles that looked magical.

"Stand right here, Artoria." Gudako motioned to the center of the circle while she fumbled with her phone, pulling out a small pile of Saber Monuments, Proof of Heroes, and Phoenix Plumes. Artoria complied and stepped inside while Irisviel and Kiritsugu's eyes widened at the rare materials.

"Those are priceless magical materials...basically impossible to get in the modern era." Irisviel muttered.

Gudako placed the items around Artoria, and they started glowing as she stepped back. The ascension materials floated up and were consumed in a flash of light as they merged into Artoria's body.

A powerful gust of wind burst forth from the circle before the light faded. In its place was a much more kingly looking Artoria, now sporting a majestic blue cape and a crown, with Excalibur shining brightly, no longer concealed by Invisible Air.

Artoria opened her eyes and she went wide eyed at the change she felt within her. She turned around to look at her cape, then her hand reached up to touch her crown. Her Excalibur shone brighter than it used to, refusing to remain hidden any longer. Her hand, which had been injured by Lancer previously, had been restored to perfect condition. She gasped as she was able to turn herself into spirit form.

Gudako scratched her head. "I don't know what went wrong with your initial summoning, but the ascension seems to have fixed any problems it may have caused. After all, it's like summoning a Servant all over again."

Kiritsugu had a neutral expression on his face, but inwardly he was grinning. To have such an advantage over the other Masters and Servants! Not only did it repair any flaws that might have appeared in Artoria's original summoning, but her entire existence was a cut above the other Servants as well.

"Well, I'm done here, now. You guys can do whatever it was that you were doing. I'll stay here and clean up." Gudako said. "Oh, before you leave," Gudako waved Artoria over. "take these with you." She handed her a big pile of Saber EXP crystals.

As the others went back into the castle, Artoria happily crunching on delicious EXP, Gudako grinned and took out half a dozen Saint Quartz. Turning around to make sure nobody was around, she dropped three Quartz onto the circle and stepped back, rubbing her hands together.

The Quartz immediately sparkled with energy, giving off a ring of light before flashing brightly, leaving behind a single gold Craft Essence.

Gudako picked it up and frowned. It was **_Be Elegant_**.

She swore to herself, in Chaldea she already had a dozen copies of this elegant bastard, as Gilgamesh liked to call the guy when he was talking about one of the Grail Wars he took part in the past. Apparently he had a lot of valuable jewels or something.

Sighing to herself, she pulled out her remaining three Quartz and put it in the circle. As usual, they began glowing as Gudako scooted back.

However, this time the Quartz gave off three rings of light before vanishing, meaning a Servant was being summoned. When the light faded, a silver Assassin card was left behind, crackling with energy before slowly turning gold.

"UOHHHHH!" Gudako shouted, who was halfway between stripping naked and shouting loud enough to wake everyone in the castle up.

The gold Assassin card dissolved into motes of light, leaving behind a small, white haired girl laying on the floor.

The girl sat up and looked around in confusion, before her eyes fell onto Gudako.

"Mother?" she asked.

Gudako ran over to Jack the Ripper and pulled her up into a hug. "Jackie! Do you remember me?"

"Of course we do, mother. Auntie Atlanta was telling us and Alice a bedtime story, but suddenly we appeared here."

Gudako was lost in thought. "It looks like we're in the middle of a Holy Grail War, Jackie. This is the real deal too, not some singularity." Pulling Servants straight from Chaldea would save her the effort of powering them up again, however.

"We'll follow you wherever you go, mother." Jack said.

"Good girl." Gudako pat her head and lifted her onto her back. "You'll have to stay hidden while we live in this castle, but that shouldn't be any problem for you."

Jack's eyes lit up. "We get to live in a castle, mother?"

"Yep, we get a big room to ourselves. Since you're an Assassin, you could probably go run around outside too." Jack's Presence Concealment A+ was about as high as it gets, and was just as good as any Hassan.

Gudako had Jack conceal herself in spirit form, then Gudako went to Artoria, who was standing guard outside Irisviel's door.

"Yo, Artoria. Not gonna sleep?" Gudako asked.

"I'll be fine. Servants don't require sleep anyways."

"Hmm, okay then. Here, have some more of these." Gudako handed another small pile of EXP crystals to Artoria.

Artoria smiled gratefully. "Thank you very much, Gudako."

At that moment, Irisviel emerged from her room. "Oh? What are you two up to?" she asked.

"I was simply standing guard right here, outside your room." Artoria explained.

"I was actually planning to go outside and do some scouting." Gudako replied.

Irisviel nodded. Getting scouting done was a good idea, and Gudako could suppress her presence not unlike an Assassin, so she could probably collect information.

"So what's Kiritsugu up to?" Gudako asked, noticing that the man was absent.

"Well, he said he was going to attack an enemy Master's base. He'll probably be back later." Irisviel explained.

"Wow, is he gonna blow the enemy base up or something? That sounds like the easiest way to deal with them." Gudako laughed, but Irisviel had a forced smile on her face.

"Well anyways, I'm gonna go make a few scouting rounds around the city. Any particular orders you have for me, Iri?"

"Hmm, I don't have anything in mind at the moment, but I'll let you know if I think of something."

"Cool, I'll be back later then!" Gudako turned around and lept out of the nearest window. Artoria and Irisviel just gave each other odd looks.

* * *

"Okay, so here's the plan," Gudako told Jack as they walked through the forest towards Fuyuki. Gudako took out **_Be Elegant_** and showed it to Jack.

"You see this guy here?" Gudako pointed at the elegant man in the picture. Jack simply nodded.

"He's one of the Masters in this war. Gilgamesh, to be exact."

Jack nodded again. "Uncle Gil comes by and tells stories to us and Alice sometimes." Gilgamesh actually has a massive soft spot for children, although he would never admit that to anyone. If you sneak around Chaldea where the children are, however, you might see him telling interesting stories (usually about himself) to the child Servants while Atlanta and Irisviel were away.

"So we're going to sneak into this guy's house, and steal all his jewels and stuff. Maybe I can find his bank account info too." Gudako grinned from ear to ear.

* * *

Gudako and Jack stood in front of the Tohsaka House. Jack slowly approached the powerful Bounded Field and wove her way through, ducking and weaving through the alarm system. She quickly located the keystone of the Bounded Field and slashed it with one of her knives, not hard enough to break the barrier outright but enough to noticeably weaken it to avoid alerting the resident of the house that anyone was there. Once that was done, Gudako slipped through the barrier as well.

Jack stabbed through the mundane lock on the front door before pushing it open and the duo slipped inside. Apparently Tokiomi had invested everything into his Bounded Field instead and neglected the mundane security in his house. _Well it's not like it would have made a difference either way,_ Gudako thought to herself.

Gudako and Jack had a field day running around the large mansion, stuffing anything of value into Gudako's smartphone. After deducing that Gilgamesh was away from the residence, Jack slipped into a locked room and saw that Tokiomi was sitting on a chair, reading a book while sipping wine. With Gudako's permission, she bopped Tokiomi in the back of the head, rendering him unconscious instantly and quickly caught his wine glass before it spilled. With the Second Owner of Fuyuki neutralized, Gudako proceeded to sift through all the drawers and shelves, and was rewarded with a large cache of mana-packed jewels, which she promptly stored away in her phone. Meanwhile, Jack had taken the jewel-tipped staff that lay next to the unconscious man before sifting through his pockets and took the man's wallet as well.

Jack handed the staff to Gudako, who immediately noticed the massive amount of mana stored in it, and the poor man's wallet. Quickly opening the wallet, she found a bit of cash and some bank cards.

 _Maybe I should make a staff with Saint Quartz attached to it,_ Gudako thought to herself.

The pair worked quickly, opening drawers and taking out all the papers. Gudako found a safe that Jack quickly forced open, revealing a pile of cash and mundane jewels that weren't charged with mana yet. The contents of the safe were immediately emptied out in a flash. After a certain point, Jack and Gudako had abandoned all pretense of stealth and were completely emptying out the bookshelves in Tokiomi's workshop/study, which conveniently converted into easy-to-read PDFs the moment they touched Gudako's phone.

"Look at what we found, mother." Jack held up a small box containing a snakeskin and a shiny orange gem.

"Ooh, so that's what the actual Rin's Pendant looks like." Gudako noted. She had recognized the pendant from the Craft Essence bearing that name, after all, and the pendant contained a staggering amount of mana, likely accumulated slowly through several decades.

"Well it looks like we're done here." Gudako motioned to the mostly barren mansion they stood in. "Let's get out of here before goldy shows up."

With that, Gudako and Jack quickly slipped outside and ran off. Jack's Information Erasure skill kicked in at this point, wiping any evidence that she was ever inside and any witnesses that were present also had their memories of the encounter erased as well. It was truly a perfect crime.

* * *

Tokiomi woke up with a start. He looked at the wine glass and the book he was holding, then looked forward to see a displeased Gilgamesh staring at him.

"So it would seem that you have done some remodeling in my absence, Tokiomi?"

Putting the wine and book down on an oddly barren table in front of him, he looked around to see that the bookshelves were completely barren.

He stood up slowly and walked over to some drawers and opened them all. They were all empty.

He noticed that his valuable jeweled staff Mystic Code was also gone.

Gilgamesh couldn't help but smirk just a tiny bit.

* * *

 _ **Be Elegant-** Noblesse oblige. The ruling classes have a penchant for elegance. _Increases Servant's Critical Star generation by 25%.


	6. Chapter 6

Gudako and Jack laughed all the way as they walked around Fuyuki City. Gudako was flipping through the items she had stolen in her smartphone while Jack was happily following her mother wherever she went.

"We had a lot of fun, mother. We should go do this more often."

Gudako lifted her up and carried her on her back. "I still wish I could have found a chest containing a trillion QP or something. Now, let's go find something else to do, Jack."

Jack snuggled into Gudako's hair. "We haven't had so much fun since building the Children Kingdom with Alice, mommy."

Gudako reminisced about that one time when Jack and Alice had kidnapped Helena and Altera to make them produce more citizens for their Children Kingdom. Somehow it ended up with two chainsaw-wielding Servants unleashing their Noble Phantasms on each other, reducing Chaldea to rubble and killing Gudako, but she was simply reborn next to a monolith for some reason.

There was also that one time when Jack tried to make pocket money by selling Critical Stars. It went pretty well, all things considered.

Gudako pulled out Tokiomi's jewel-tipped staff and waved it around. She forced a small amount of prana into the staff, and it shot out flames.

"Woah, that's pretty cool." Gudako muttered as she looked through the various books and papers she had taken. Apparently it contained the Tohsaka line's entire work on jewel magecraft. Maybe if she read some of it, she could copy Ishtar's moves too.

Actually, Ishtar might get kind of upset if she found out that the Tohsaka research was all stolen, but what she doesn't know can't hurt her, right?

Irisviel never bothered to contact Gudako, so she and Jack decided to just keep walking around Fuyuki.

Along the way, they saw some shady looking people looking people standing outside of an abandoned warehouse.

Gudako quickly had Jack conceal herself completely, and quietly snuck closer to the suspicious people. Turns out it was Lancer along with a man and a woman.

"Hey." Gudako stared at Lancer with unsettling large round eyes. As expected, he freaked out and swiped with his twin spears, but Gudako just ducked under it.

"Woah, calm down buddy. I was just passing by and happened to see you all here." Gudako explained.

Lancer looked at Gudako cautiously. She didn't seem like she was here to fight, and he slowly lowered his spears.

"What business do you have here, Master? Or should I call you Servant Master? Calling anyone else but my lord Master is a bit odd."

Gudako just waved him off. "Just call me Gudako, it's fine. Since you're a pretty nice guy, I'll let you know that I'm from the future."

Kayneth and Sola-Ui had a surprised look on their face. They didn't expect a Servant to be summoned from the future, and it certainly explained her carefree attitude when it came to disclosing her name. You couldn't take preemptive measures against someone who has yet to exist, after all.

"Why are you hanging out in front of this warehouse, anyways? You guys look like you should be able to afford a fancy mansion." Gudako asked.

"Well...our previous base got blown up." Lancer explained sheepishly. Kayneth didn't bother to hide the scowl on his face.

"Wow, sounds like you all had a rough night."

Lancer just nodded. "What about you, Gudako? Did you do anything interesting tonight?" Lancer was hoping that she might spill something important.

"Oh, I just went into the Tohsaka's house and stole a bunch of important looking stuff."

Lancer smiled serenely. "What was that? Excuse me, Gudako, I think I may have misheard you."

Gudako pressed a few buttons on her smartphone and a massive pile of books, papers, cash, and jewels fell onto the ground.

The others just stared with wide eyes.

Gudako held up a small number of jewels to Kayneth. "Free sample. Ah, you can't have the staff though, I like that one."

Kayneth could only take the mana-packed jewels, bewildered.

Suddenly a large flash could be seen in the sky, leaving smoke that pointed to the location of the Church.

"It seems the overseer of the war has an announcement to make." Kayneth stated.

He turned around but Gudako was already gone, along with her stuff.

"I think we need to find a new base."

* * *

Kotomine Risei could only groan inwardly as the familiars in the Church all left. Everyone present had silently listened as he explained that everyone had to go after Caster and his Master as soon as possible, and then promptly left. There was no doubt that after Assassin was revealed to be still alive by that one orange-haired female Servant that everything they had planned had went on a downward spiral.

For starters, all the Masters had kept their guard up and continued to watch for the presence of Assassin. As such, they couldn't gather as much information as he had hoped. Also, Risei's own credibility as the overseer undoubtedly took a hit as well. He could only imagine that the Masters were not amused by the act they set up.

Also, Tokiomi somehow managed to get his house robbed. For anyone to get past the powerful Bounded Field of the Tohsaka Manor should have been impossible, with the exception of Assassin. Even then, to get his house literally emptied out without leaving a trace was ridiculous, and he was worried that it would lead to infighting between Tokiomi and the Church, but thankfully he had stated that he does not blame anyone but himself for his carelessness.

Clearly, he had underestimated the capabilities of the opposition, and the loss of the Tohsaka magical research was a fatal blow to any magical family. But still, he aimed for the Grail, and everything else could be easily fixed if he could get his wish.

Risei went to grab a bottle of wine. Clearly he had a lot of problems to think about tonight.

* * *

Gudako and Jack had been listening from the outside of the Church, somewhat listening to why Caster had to be killed and something about an extra Command Seal.

"Wanna go hunt Caster?" Gudako asked.

"Caster sounds like a mean person. Let's go do it, mother."

"I sure hope he drops a bunch of ascension mats. I could use more of those."

Gudako promptly tripped over a pointy looking rock.

"What is...this."

Seeing the familiar rainbow-colored rock on the ground, she quickly lowered herself to the ground and clawed at it furiously with her hands.

Ignoring the dirt on her hands, Gudako gingerly picked up the Saint Quartz, trembling with emotion.

"Jackie, we're taking an extended trip tonight."

* * *

Kotomine Kirei kicked the dark-haired woman out of the way.

Irisviel's bodyguard lay on the floor like a rag doll, beaten and no longer a threat.

"I'll ask you again, woman. Under whose orders do you two fight me?" Kirei asked.

Kirei just could not figure it out. Why would these two women fight to prevent him from meeting Kiritsugu?

Did Kiritsugu order them to fight? No, that can't be it. Surely he would not underestimate him that much, to send those two women to stop him.

Or was it someone else who ordered them to fight? He wouldn't put it past the Einzberns to be that desperate for the Grail.

He looked at the woman standing in front of him. White hair with such red eyes...this homunculus was the vessel of the Grail, was she not? Why would anyone put such an important being on the front lines?

Unless... the two women who faced him stood against him of their own accord.

Suddenly, Irisviel raised her left hand, Command Seals glowing. Kirei's eyes widened and he lunged forward, Black Keys in hand.

How could he have forgotten that this woman was a Master? The Master of an eighth Servant summoned into an irregular class, no less. For some reason that Servant didn't seem to leave any sort of lasting impression in his mind at all!

Time seemed to go by in slow motion.

"Gudako, come!" Irisviel shouted.

Kirei knew he wouldn't make it. In a desperate attempt, he flung the Black Keys at her.

They never made it to their intended target.

A massive gale blew forth from Irisviel, strong enough to blow all of the concealed Assassins out of their hiding spot in the trees as well as blowing away the Black Keys that had been aimed at her. In front of her was Gudako, clutching an armful of Saint Quartz, as well as a small white-haired girl wearing revealing clothing.

The many Assassins also quickly stepped forward in front of their own Master. It seemed a Servant battle was unavoidable now.

Gudako quickly put her Quartz away as she looked up to see what the problem was. Then she saw _him._

Gudako stared at Kirei with those large, orange eyes filled with unbelievable _hate_. Kirei unconsciously took a step back when he saw those piercing eyes stare into his soul.

"Jack." Gudako said with a cold tone. "You have my permission to go wild."

Jack's face twisted into a grin. "We'll cut them all to pieces, mommy."

 _Hiding in the middle of the night._

With those words from Jack, the area was consumed in mist, lowering the Agility of all enemies by a full rank.

With that, the conditions needed for Jack were all fulfilled.

Time must be night. The opponent must be female. Mist must occur.

Not all of the enemy Assassins were female, but there were enough that killing them would make a sizable dent in their forces.

As long as it was misty during the nighttime, Jack was guaranteed to land a successful ambush. But when all three conditions were met, the only outcome was to inflict death onto the enemy.

 _Hell is starting._

 _We are flame, rain, power..._

 _Let there be a slaughter..._

 ** _Maria the_** ** _Ripper!_**

Many female screams could be heard from inside the mist. Soon, the mist cleared up, revealing a blood-covered Jack standing next to Gudako.

"Huh...they're all in pieces now." Jack pointed at the mangled remains of the female Assassins, which soon faded into golden motes of light.

The remaining male Assassins quickly threw their dirks at Gudako, each one thrown with the force of a bullet. Jack was about to step in and parry them with her knives, but...

"Gate of Babylon!"

The announcement nearly made Kirei's eyes pop out of his sockets, as gray portals opened up behind Gudako.

Instead of priceless weapons, however, an overwhelming stream of Black Keys flew forward, blasting the opposing Assassins to bits and shredding nearby trees into sawdust.

Several of the Assassins parried the Black Keys while another group grabbed Kirei and made a hasty retreat.

In her rage, Gudako went berserk and rushed toward a nearby tree.

"▂▂▃▃▅▅▅▅ーーー！！" Gudako's terrifying war cry could be heard as she proceeded to pull a tree out of the ground and throw it at the retreating mob of Assassins. However, her mind had become too clouded and the tree flew toward the castle instead. A yelp of pain could be heard in the distance.

Jack quickly jumped onto Gudako's back and pet her head. "Mommy, please calm down. You're going to destroy the castle if you're not careful."

With that, Gudako was able to regain her sanity. Taking a few deep breaths, she asked, "Did I hit someone?"

* * *

Kiritsugu looked at the fallen Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald. He had gotten a good hit with the Contender, and now he was but an unmoving body laying in a puddle of blood and mercury. Although he had no doubts that he would die soon, Kiritsugu slowly approached the body and pulled out his Calico and set it to semi-automatic mode. It was standard procedure to make sure the job was finished.

He put a few bullets into the head and chest of the Master of Lancer. Then he walked over to a shattered window and lit a cigarette. He took in the smoke and slowly let it all out.

It had been a rough night.

* * *

Lancer was on his way to save his dying Master. He and Saber had been able to drive Caster away, although they were hoping that they could have killed him there. He noticed that Saber's hand had somehow healed, and all he got was a wry smile when he tried to ask about it.

Then he felt the connection with his Master waver. His Master was dying! Despite the advantage that it would have given to Saber, she had allowed him to go rescue his Master regardless. Thus he rushed toward the Einzbern Castle at full speed...!

At least he was rushing, until a _tree_ of all things appeared out of nowhere and fell on top of him.

He could only lay there helplessly while pinned under this massive tree from the sky. Truly, E-rank luck.

* * *

One of Gudako's Noble Phantasms: **Black Key Hell**

Rank C, Anti-Army

Sends a relentless stream of Black Keys towards the enemies with incredible force. She likes to call it "Gate of Babylon" when Gilgamesh isn't looking.

Jack the Ripper

Class: Assassin

Master: Gudako

Parameters

Strength: C (B)

Endurance: C (B)

Agility: A (EX)

Mana: C (B)

Luck: E (D)

Noble Phantasm: C (B)

Special Skill:

Bond Power EX: EX rank is granted when bond level 10 with the Master is achieved. Jack receives a full rank up to all parameters.

Every 2 bond levels is an additional rank up to the skill, starting at rank E with level 1 bond. Levels in between add a + modifier to the rank.

E: Bond level 1. Servant obeys commands that the Master gives.

D: Bond level 3. Master and Servant should get along well regardless of personality or moral alignment.

C: Bond level 5. Servant trusts the Master implicitly. Master can issue Command Cards without speaking. Adds a + to all parameters.

B: Bond level 7. Master and Servant know each other on a personal level. Adds ++ to all parameters.

A: Bond level 9. Master and Servant know each other on an intimate level. Adds +++ to all parameters.

EX: Bond level 10. A true bond that lasts between time and space. Full trust with the Servant is achieved. Full rank up to all parameters. Bond Craft Essence obtained.


	7. Chapter 7

"...cer...Lanc..."

He opened his eyes slowly. He could barely feel his own body.

"Lancer!"

Calling upon her Gudako Strength, she lifted the massive tree off Lancer's torso and tossed it aside.

He immediately felt the massive weight lift off his chest and his eyes widened as he gasped for air.

Looking up, he saw Gudako and a small white-haired girl, along with Saber, Irisviel, and even Kiritsugu and Maiya was present.

Saber knelt down and grabbed Lancer's hand.

"Are you alright, Diarmuid?"

"I am- urgh!" He clutched his chest in pain. Getting hit by a tree really did a number on him.

Saber gingerly lifted him to his feet.

"M-my Master is dead." Lancer gasped out. "I do not have much time left in this world."

Even if Sola-Ui was the one providing the mana, it was cut off without the Master to keep him anchored to the world. He would fade soon.

"N-no!" Saber covered her mouth with an armored hand. Irisviel gasped.

Lancer looked at Kiritsugu.

"I-I do not blame you for what you did, Master of Saber. This was a w-war after all."

Kiritsugu only stayed silent, though it was noted that he did not meet Lancer's eyes.

Lancer tried to walk to a nearby tree, but he stumbled as his feet started breaking down into motes of light. Saber quickly ran over and carried him in front of the tree, where he sat down and leaned against it.

"To think I would be done in by a flying tree of all things...how laughable." He let out a forced chuckle. "Still, I guess there are worse ways to die."

Diarmuid gripped Artoria's hand tightly. He was rapidly losing sensation in his limbs. "All I wanted was to serve my lord well. Tell me, Artoria. Was I a good knight?"

"Yes." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "You are one of the most loyal knights I have ever seen."

He leaned back against the tree. "To have the King of Knights announce such a thing is the greatest honor. Dying like this...isn't so bad."

Artoria could only look down and sob silently, and even Irisviel was crying.

His limbs were already fading. He was literally keeping himself together through sheer willpower, but without Independent Action there was little he could do.

"Do you want to make a deal?"

He looked up at the orange-haired girl with surprise. Even the others turned around to look at her.

"I could give you a second chance, if you want. You had better make up your mind fast, though. If your torso fades then I can't help you." Gudako scratched her head.

His mind raced. To get a second chance at life, in the middle of a Grail War, no less, was incredible. He looked up at Artoria, who squeezed what was remaining of his arm tightly and nodded her head.

"I-I accept your offer!" Diarmuid shouted with surprising strength.

"Okay then." Gudako grinned as she lifted her right hand, Command Seals glowing brightly.

She remembered that there was supposed to be some sort of chant to make a contract with an existing Servant, but she couldn't remember the words so she made one up.

"Do you, um, promise to do no evil? Or something like that."

"I swear on my honor as a knight, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!"

"This is going to hurt a bit." Gudako warned.

She held a Saint Quartz in her hand and proceeded to stab through Lancer's chest, digging her hand into where Diarmuid's heart was. Artoria recoiled in the sudden display of brutality.

"Command Spell, repair Spirit Origin!"

Gudako had stabbed her hand straight into Lancer's spiritual core. The Quartz dissolved, effectively binding his existence as Gudako's Servant, then her Command Seal's effect of completely repairing one Servant could kick in since he was her Servant now. Normally, having a destroyed spiritual core is a death sentence for any Servant (unless they have Battle Continuation), but Gudako's Command Seals are more than powerful enough to revive dying Servants.

She pulled her hand out as Diarmuid coughed out blood, then the red light of Gudako's Command Seals covered him, slowly rebuilding the faded parts of his body before restoring the hole in his chest.

Gudako felt the familiar burning sensation on her hand as a Command Seal was used up. "Well, that takes care of everything."

Diarmuid moved his arms and legs. He pulled himself up effortlessly and patted his chest.

His eyes widened.

"I'm...I'm alive." His eyes widened even more.

* * *

After many displays of gratitude (which mostly involved Diarmuid kneeling on the ground to show his gratitude), Gudako was finally able to catch a bit of a break.

Irisviel had been hard at work slowly repairing the broken walls and windows that resulted from the duel between Kiritsugu and Kayneth.

Meanwhile, Kiritsugu had been dealing with Kayneth's body. Diarmuid was hoping that the body of his former Master could be cleaned up just a bit, so to speak, before being returned to Sola-Ui.

"Diarmuid."

Diarmuid looked up in surprise, not expecting Kiritsugu to refer to him with his actual name.

"What is it, Master of Saber?"

"What I've been doing in this war. Do you hate me for it?"

Kiritsugu had a solemn expression on his face.

After thinking for a bit, Diarmuid replied.

"I do not. I'm not naive enough to think that all of the participants in this conflict would abide to the rules of chivaly."

Diarmuid smiled.

"But still, all I wish for is a chance to fight strong opponents in honorable duels. That, and the chance to serve my Master honorably, and hopefully present the Holy Grail to them."

"You do not have a wish to make on the Grail?" Kiritsugu asked with surprise.

"I have none." Diarmuid replied without hesitation.

"I see..."

"What about you, Master of Saber?"

"My wish...I just want to seek world peace. Even if my methods kill hundreds, it's a small price to save the world. For that reason, I use the methods that have the highest chance of bringing victory."

The two men stood in silence for a moment.

"You know, even if I do not agree with your methods, I cannot fault you for your wish."

Kiritsugu blinked in surprise.

"Even though my allegiance lies with my Master, Gudako, which in turn serves Lady Irisviel, seeing Irisviel work so hard for your sake, you must surely be a good man. Surely, if you talk with Artoria, your plans will go that much more smoothly, Master of Saber."

The two men stood in silence for a moment again.

"Kiritsugu."

"Excuse me?"

"You can call me Kiritsugu."

"Very well, Kiritsugu." Diarmuid smiled.

Kiritsugu scratched his head.

"Jeez, I'm getting soft."

* * *

"So this is my little Assassin, Jack the Ripper." Gudako introduced Jack to everyone.

"Hello, aunties and uncles." Jack did a little bow.

Gudako could see that Jack recognized Kiritsugu and Irisviel, but also understood that they weren't the same people in Chaldea.

"So this is the one that helped save us from Kirei and his Assassins." Irisviel said softly as she touched Jack's head.

"But why...why is she dressed so indecently?!" Irisviel exclaimed.

"We don't like pants, auntie. They scratch and bother our legs." Jack explained.

"She looks quite young to be a Heroic Spirit." Artoria frowned.

"Yes, I agree." Diarmuid added. "A child shouldn't have to fight battles like this."

Kiritsugu said nothing, although you could tell by the look on his face that he agreed with Saber and Lancer.

 _I guess this man has some standards after all,_ Artoria thought to herself.

"Get back here, Jackie! Auntie is going to make a dress for you!"

"We don't like dresses, auntie!" Jack hid fearfully behind Gudako.

"Now, let's find something for you to wear, Jackie~" Irisviel cheerfully dragged a crying Jack behind her in the pursuit of pants.

* * *

Irisviel returned with one Jack the Ripper, now equipped with a pair of black shorts.

When presented with pants, Jack would shiver with fright.

When presented with a cute dress, Jack would run away, consumed with fear.

For some reason, she didn't run when presented with shorts.

"We like shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear." Jack explained.

So Irisviel had taken a spare pair of black pants and modified them into shorts that would fit Jack, courtesy of her magecraft.

Meanwhile, Gudako had explained that she had summoned Jack with the power of Saint Quartz.

"With three of these I can attempt to summon something." Gudako pulled out a small pile of Quartz and showed them to Kiritsugu.

"What the..." Kiritsugu was immediately struck by the feeling of unimaginable amounts of mana that the Saint Quartz were giving off, and no doubt Irisviel could feel the same.

"Say, couldn't you summon an army of Servants for us? With that sort of firepower, the opposition would fall easily." Kiritsugu asked.

Gudako curled up into a ball and started shaking uncontrollably.

"I-I don't know how much money you Einzberns have, b-but you'll never summon all of them without e-emptying your b-bank account."

Kiritsugu wasn't sure what the Einzbern bank account had to do with summoning Servants, but he just passed it off as one of Gudako's eccentricities and let it go.

"Oh, by the way, I got these." Gudako instantly went back to her old self and fiddled with her smartphone. The Tohsaka family fortune immediately appeared on the floor.

"What is this." Kiritsugu stated flatly as he stared at the massive pile of books, jewels, and cash.

"Oh, mother took us to the house of the elegant man. We went in, took all the shiny stuff and left." Jack explained helpfully.

Artoria and Diarmuid gave each other bewildered looks.

"Iri, come look at these."

Kiritsugu and Irisviel's eyes went wide as they flipped through a book filled cover to cover with the secrets of the Tohsaka jewel magecraft. He wondered if he could sell off copies of these research notes on the magus black markets.

"Hmm, I wonder if I could use these..." Gudako muttered to herself as she picked up the box containing the ancient snakeskin and Rin's Pendant. They immediately reacted when Gudako held Saint Quartz next to those two objects.

"I have an idea." Gudako announced.

* * *

Everyone gathered at the courtyard, in front of the circle that Gudako had already etched into the ground. Gudako gingerly set the snakeskin and Rin's Pendant into the middle of the circle.

"Are you sure this will work, mother?" Jack asked.

"With these I won't have to bother with RNG. This has to work, amirite?" Gudako sputtered incomprehensible words while she pulled out Saint Quartz.

The summoning circle immediately burst into light, the Quartz and Gudako's catalysts shining brightly. A bright flash followed by a loud bang, and the ritual was complete.

Two figures stepped out of the circle as the light died down.

"Ah, is that you, Master?" A green-haired person wearing plain white robes appeared and smiled serenely at Gudako.

"Woah, it's you, Enkidu!" Gudako shouted.

"Of course, who else could it be?" Enkidu replied. "And it seems this mischievous goddess has tagged along with us too. Isn't that right, Ishtar?"

A sopping wet goddess emerged from the circle, glaring at Enkidu.

"Why were you throwing water balloons at me?! You can get really annoying sometimes!" Ishtar shouted.

"Well Gil wanted me to test out his water balloon Noble Phantasm on you, so I did." Enkidu replied with that gentle smile still on his face.

"Why does that obnoxious Goldy even have a water balloon Noble Phantasm?! He has way too much free time!"

"Now, now, goddess. You had better behave yourself in front of our Master here." Enkidu motioned toward a gawking Gudako.

"E-ehh? Why are you here, M-master? Where are we?" Ishtar asked.

"Well, we're actually in the middle of a real Grail War here-"

"What!" Ishtar yelled. "Well since I've declared that I'd be your goddess of victory, doesn't that mean we're cheating? Of course I would be your first choice for a real war. Ufufu."

"Well technically I emerged first." Enkidu smirked.

"Oh hush, you lump of clay." Ishtar jokingly punched Enkidu in the shoulder.

Ishtar looked at the others present.

"I see you've brought some other humans to worship me, Master-" she trailed off as she stared at Irisviel and Kiritsugu.

"They're not the ones you know." Gudako explained.

"I see..." Ishtar nodded, along with Enkidu.

"So what's with all those shiny jewels?" Ishtar asked, eyes glittering with greed.

"Oh, I stole them from the elegant dude's house-"

"YOU WHAT?!" Ishtar screamed.

Everyone turned and stared at the goddess' outburst.

"Oh, sorry. For a second there my body felt really angry for some reason. I wonder why..." Ishtar wondered.

"Well you can probably use these better than we can, so here you go." Gudako scooped up all the jewels and dumped them into Ishtar's arms.

"What? You're giving these to me? Well since you said you have no use for them, it can't be helped! It's not like I wanted these jewels in the first place or anything! Although having these jewels makes me happy for some reason...and no, it's not just because I like jewels, okay?!"

"That wasn't what I said at all..." Gudako thought to herself out loud. "You can have these books too." Gudako pointed at the massive pile of Tohsaka research notes.

Ishtar immediately jumped towards the books and started to flip through everything before she began to slow down and frowned.

"What's wrong?" Gudako asked.

"Nothing is wrong. It's just...I already know everything in these books for some reason! I guess you can keep these books if you want."

Kiritsugu decided that he would have to hit up some of his contacts to sell off the books at a later date.

"Well it seems that we have a lot to discuss, everyone. How about we all go rest in the castle for the night, and we can discuss our plans tomorrow?" Irisviel asked.

"Sounds good to me, Iri. Come on, everyone." Kiritsugu began to lead everyone back inside.

Gudako went to the summoning circle to grab the catalysts except she tripped and dropped her Quartz into the circle.

"Oops, my hand slipped." Gudako said to no one in particular.

Suddenly, the summoning circle lit up, reacting with the accidental Saint Quartz. Everyone turned around just in time to see a bright flash as a figure emerged from the summoning.

A tall dark-skinned man with yellow cracks in his body and a buzz cut emerged, wielding a pair of gun blades. He looked down to see Gudako staring back.

"Master." he acknowledged.

He turned around and looked at the group of people, his eyes locked on to one man in particular.

He dropped his weapons on the ground as his body began shaking.

"F-father?"

Kiritsugu stared back in confusion, before feeling a tight grip on his arm. He looked next to him, only to see the most sinister smile he'd ever seen on Irisviel's face.

"Kiritsugu, my dear. Would it have been possible for you to have, um, _cheated on me with a woman of darker complexion in the near future?_ "

* * *

 **Sorry for late update, I'm currently traveling and I am typing this story on my tablet since I have no computer access otherwise. There might be some bizarre typos as a result, if you point them out I will fix them. Thank you all for your continued support.**


	8. Chapter 8

Kiritsugu was currently strapped to a chair, bound by Irisviel's magical threads.

In front of him was a fuming Irisviel along with Artoria. To one side was apparently his very dark-skinned "son" from the future, which Gudako had referred to as Emiya Alter.

To the other side was a snickering Gudako, standing with a very confused Diarmuid and Jack, along with Enkidu and Ishtar who were whispering to each other while shooting glances at Kiritsugu.

One minute, they were all still standing in the courtyard, the next moments were all a blur in Kiritsugu's mind. Apparently Irisviel had ordered Artoria to grab Kiritsugu and drag him away to a chair, and Irisviel had promptly tied him up with her threads. He was in such shock that he offered no resistance at all.

Emiya Alter had remained completely silent afterwards, although Gudako could see the gears in his inner world spin so fast that his head was probably about to explode.

"So," Irisviel grinned viciously at Kiritsugu, "care to explain why our dear Illya has an older brother now?"

Emiya Alter froze up for a very brief moment with Illya's name was mentioned, but otherwise kept his usual neutral expression.

Meanwhile, Artoria was staring at the man with disgust, Diarmuid was still very confused, Gudako was giving Jack a piggyback ride, and Enkidu was still chatting away with Ishtar.

Kiritsugu's mind went into overdrive, thinking of what sort of reply he should give. A wrong answer would have terrible consequences. He had a number of contacts in various countries, some of which were dark-skinned and female, but he could never cheat on Irisviel like that. Say what you want about the Magus Killer, but he was fiercely loyal to his family.

Literally at his wit's end, he blurted out, "How do I even explain what I haven't done yet?!"

"You know, he has a point."

Suprisingly, it was Diarmuid who spoke up. The bond between two men wasn't to be underestimated.

Irisviel had a thoughtful expression on her face for a while as she thought about it.

"I guess you're right. I forgive you!" Irisviel proclaimed as the strings binding Kiritsugu dissolved.

"EHHH?" Everyone else exclaimed at the same time. Irisviel's simple personality wasn't to be underestimated, either.

Interally, Kiritsugu thought that he had done nothing that would require forgiveness, but he sure as hell wasn't going say that out loud.

Gudako decided that it was probably better for Emiya Alter to talk to his parents in private, so she shooed everyone else out of the room.

* * *

An hour later, a crying Irisviel emerged from the room, who immediately ran to Artoria and proceeded to bawl her eyes out.

"My son...my son..." Irisviel cried into Artoria's shoulder as the latter could only hold her and pat her back. Artoria's eyes went wide as Irisviel started crying about her son not even remembering his own name and killing millions of people to save humanity.

Kiritsugu walked out shortly afterward, rubbing his cheek. Irisviel had slapped him after they found out that he was the one that got the whole "hero of justice" thing into Emiya's head. ("The poor boy can't even remember his own name!" Irisviel had cried). Even though apologizing for something he hadn't done yet was a bit difficult, even he had accepted that he probably deserved that slap and the least he could do was to attempt to make amends with his son.

Talking with his son had certainly shaken his belief of sacrificing the minority for a majority. Taking one life to save ten was easy to justify. But when was it considered to be too much? His son had taken the concept to its logical extreme. He had killed millions to save tens of millions. What about killing tens of millions to save hundreds of millions? No wonder his son had ended up such a broken man.

Kiritsugu sighed and sat down on a nearby chair. He was mentally exhausted and he just wanted to sleep. Diarmuid sat next to the man and put his arm around his shoulder.

Emiya Alter slowly walked outside next. Talking with his parents had really strained his memory. Vague images of his former life had floated into his head, but he couldn't seem to recall any details. He was surprised at how fast Irisviel accepted him as her son, all things considered.

When they asked him about the Grail, he had burst out laughing. When they asked him about saving people, he had nearly cried.

"To save the weak and disparage the strong, isn't that what a Hero of Justice is? But for some reason, I feel like crying." he had said.

It was the exact same thing he had said to his Master, Gudako. She had been so insistent on getting to know him, before long he had caved and gotten closer to her than he had meant to. It was like she could bring all Servants under her spell, before long she would charm every Servant she came in contact with, regardless of their personality.

"You idiot!"

Ishtar ran over and slapped Emiya Alter before hugging him tightly.

"Dummy! Stupid! You always make everyone worry for you!"

Emiya Alter was completely blindsided by that reaction from Ishtar. For all the time he had been in Chaldea, the goddess had never acted like that around him. Although now that he thought about it, he never really spent much time with others in Chaldea, and now he was in a position where he couldn't escape the angry goddess even if he tried.

Awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around her. Apparently that was the correct choice, seeing how she snuggled closer against his chest.

"You dummy, I told you not to burn yourself out. I should have stopped you a long time ago." she muttered into his chest.

Emiya could feel a sense of longing in his heart, something he hadn't felt in ages.

"I'm sorry, goddess."

Ishtar just grunted and pressed closer to his body.

Artoria looked up as she comforted Irisviel to see what the man who caused all this commotion looked like. Despite his appearance, Irisviel had assured that Emiya was indeed Japanese.

Artoria was certain that she had never seen Emiya in her life. So what was this feeling of sadness that she felt in her chest?

Emiya, who was still hugging Ishtar, met Artoria's gaze and gave her a wistful look before breaking eye contact.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem."

Everyone looked up at Enkidu, who was facing towards Fuyuki City.

"It seems an enemy Servant is approaching."

* * *

Enkidu's Prescence Detection could easily detect the enemy from kilometers away, and far outstripped the Presence Concealment that came with the Assassin class. His rank of Prescence Detection was A++, which was so high that incoming attacks were liable to miss randomly because he felt them coming already. His original rank in the skill was A+, but thanks to Gudako's strengthening routine from hell, even the skill of a Servant could receive a rank up.

Gudako tapped into the shared senses between Master and Servant, and saw that Rider and his Master were approaching the Einzbern forest.

"Hmm, looks like Mr. Conquerer and the kid is coming. He has a big barrel with him too." Gudako announced.

Soon enough, the Bounded Field over the forest had triggered, marking the arrival of an unwanted visitor.

While Gudako told the other Servants besides Artoria to hide, Kiritsugu's mind went through all the possible outcomes. What if Iskandar had decided to "conquer" the Einzbern territory with explosives? He wouldn't be surprised if the wild King of Conquerors decided to modernize his tactics.

Artoria and Gudako quickly ran outside just as Rider's Gordius Wheel arrived outside Einzbern Castle's front door, revealing a very casually dressed King of Conquerers with a very shaken Waver Velvet, who looked like he just wanted to go home. Irisviel quickly caught up, and stood behind Saber and Gudako.

"W-what is the meaning of this, Rider?" Saber asked.

"Yo, Saber!" Rider greeted cordially. "I heard Lancer's Master was taken care of earlier. I have to say, your castle doesn't look any worse for wear despite the fighting!" Of course, Irisviel had really done a good job at fixing most of the castle.

"So everyone believes that Lancer and his Master have been taken out...we could use this to our advantage." Kiritsugu muttered to himself as he remained inside the castle with the other Servants. Gudako had tried to conceal their presence by cutting off her mana that was sustaining them to a trickle.

"I have to say, you have too many trees in your garden. I got a bit lost on the way here. Thanks to me, you'll have a better view now, though. Ha ha ha ha!" Rider laughed as Saber stared at all the trees he had tore down on his way to the castle.

"Rider, you..." Saber began, before closing her mouth. She was really at a loss for words.

"What's with that old-fashioned armor, King of Knights? You should wear something more modern every once in a while. It's good to get with the times, you know? Didn't you have that fancy black suit or something?"

Saber just stared at the T-shirt and jeans that Rider was wearing.

Meanwhile, Gudako just twirled in place and in a flash, her Chaldean uniform was gone, replaced with Mystic Code: Royal Brand. It was visually identical to the black suit that Saber wore. However, like all of Gudako's outfits, it was a powerful Mystic Code that contained enhancements to Servants under her command.

Saber and Irisviel looked up in surprise at the sudden outfit change. Rider, however, just grinned.

"Now that's what I'm talking about! You're looking more like a king now, little lady!"

"Hmm, if you say so." Gudako adjusted her suit and tie.

"You still haven't explained why you're here, Rider." Saber asked.

Rider grinned and set the huge casket he was holding down on the floor.

* * *

"Hmm..."

Rider looked around.

"Not bad! This courtyard will do nicely for a gathering of Kings."

Rider set his casket of wine smack in the middle of the summoning circle that Gudako had previously carved into the ground and sat down.

Saber sat down as Rider yanked off the lid on the casket. To the side, Irisviel and Waver sat together.

And thus, a temporary truce was reached as the fragrance of rice wine floated out of the casket.

"Eh? What are you standing around for, girl?"

"Who, me?" Gudako asked incredulously.

"Come on, sit, sit." Rider ushered Gudako by the wine casket and made her sit down.

"I thought you only wanted Kings here."

"Oh? Didn't you say you were a King at the docks previously?"

"Hmm...I guess I did. Guess I'll stay here." Gudako grinned at Rider.

"I knew you'd stay, girl!" Rider laughed and smacked Gudako in the back as Saber was the one staring incredulously this time.

He then proceeded to pull out the long bamboo ladle and scooped up some of the wine.

"What a strange goblet. I suppose it must be unique to this country."

With that said, he drained the ladle with one big gulp. Then he began to speak.

"I heard only those that are worthy may obtain the Holy Grail."

Everyone quieted down as Rider continued to talk.

"And the ceremony of choosing the most worthy is this battle held at Fuyuki. However, if we can acknowledge each other's strength as fellow Heroic Spirits, then we can skip the bloodshed. Surely I don't need to say anything more?"

Saber took the ladle from Rider and scooped up the rice wine. With no hesitation she gulped it all down in one go.

"So is this supposed to be a contest of strength between us, Rider?" Saber asked as she passed the ladle off to Gudako.

"That's exactly it." Rider spoke as Gudako scooped up a ladle full of wine. "This will be a contest in the name of kingship. Afterwards, we'll decide whether the King of Conquerers, the King of Knights, or the King of..."

"King of Servants." Gudako helpfully replied as she downed the contents of the ladle in one go.

Rider looked impressed at Gudako. "Impressive, girl! But yes, thank you. We will decide who will be the King of the Grail."

Suddenly, Rider turned around and laughed.

"By the way, there is another guy who calls himself King."

"Enough with the jokes, mongrel."

Suddenly, Gilgamesh appeared in a flash of golden light. The Masters present flinched, but the others just turned and glanced at him.

"Archer..." Saber growled.

"I saw him on the streets, so I asked him if he wanted to come drink with us. Goldy here is a bit late, but he had to walk here so I guess it's okay." Rider explained.

Archer just glared at Rider.

"What a shoddy place to hold a banquet in. I suppose this was the best you could do, after all. You had better think of a way to repay the sin of making me come all the way here."

"Now, now, don't be so angry. Have a drink first." Rider replied.

Surprisingly, Archer took the ladle without a fuss. As expected of a King, he downed the contents in one gulp. There was no way his pride would allow otherwise.

Archer frowned as he swallowed the wine.

"You think this cheap wine is fit to be served to heroes?"

"Really? I thought it was pretty fine wine." Rider scratched his head.

"You mongrel, that's because you know nothing about wine."

Golden ripples appeared behind Archer, and Saber was instantly on guard. However, instead of weapons, a set of golden wine bottles emerged, complete with a matching set of cups.

"Behold, for this is wine fit for a king." Archer stated as the cups floated to Saber and Rider and the wine bottles poured themselves.

"Many thanks." Rider said as he raised the cup to his lips. His eyes widened as the wine touched his tongue.

"Mmm, this is good wine!"

All it had taken was but a tiny sip, and Rider was already showering the wine with praise. Curious, Saber also took a sip of wine.

As the wine went down her throat, she felt as though her body was floating. Truly, she had never tasted such a thing in her life.

Archer just smirked. He turned as he noticed Gudako sitting with the kings.

"So the girl dares to sit with kings! Interesting, I'll allow it."

Everyone except for Gudako gawked as they watched the King of Heroes pick up a cup, place it into Gudako's hands, and pour wine for her with his own two hands.

"Oh, thank you, Gilgamesh."

Gudako drank from the cup and smacked her lips a bit.

"Wow, this stuff is pretty good!" she exclaimed.

"Of course. Whether it be weapons or wine, only the best is stored within my treasury. Surely, my position of king has already been decided."

"Cut the jokes, Archer. I didn't come here to listen to you brag about your wine collection. If anything, you're more like a clown than a king."

Archer simply ignored Saber's sudden outburst.

"Now, now." Rider tried to calm the two Servants.

"Archer, while your wine surely deserves to be contained in the most prized of cups, I'm afraid that the Holy Grail is not meant for containing wine. Now, we were planning to have a competition to see who deserves to have the Grail. First, you have to tell us about your kingship and convince us why you deserve the Grail more than us." Rider explained.

"How irritating. The fact that you are 'competing' for the Holy Grail is incorrect. Obviously, all treasures in the world originate from my treasury. It should be clear that the Grail belongs to me already."

Saber just stared at Archer as though he grew a second head. Meanwhile, Rider had helped himself to more of the wine, and Gudako was swiping away at her smartphone.

"So, Archer." Rider downed another cup of wine before speaking. "Are you saying that we could obtain the Grail if you allowed it?"

"Of course. After all, it is already mine. There's no reason why I would grant it to mongrels such as you, however."

"Is it because you can't afford it?"

"Of course not. I just choose to reward no one except my subjects. Of course, if you pledge your loyalty to me, I would not mind giving you one or two of my treasures, Rider."

"Ahh, now that's something I cannot do, unfortunately." Rider sighed. "I'll have to take it by force, after all."

"You know that anyone who touches my treasures without permission will be punished? Of course, I'll be the one to kill you, Rider."

"If you ask nicely, I wouldn't mind giving you a grail." Gudako said.

Rider raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Gudako shook her phone and made a lot of noise as her Grail collection fell to the floor with loud clangs.

Everyone just stared at the twenty or so Holy Grails that were currently sitting on the floor.

"Ah, you can't have this one, though. This one talks." Gudako clutched one Grail close to her chest. It had black and red veins running along the sides.

"A-are these real?" Saber asked with a quivering voice.

"Of course they are. They don't grant wishes anymore, though. I made sure they don't do that since they have a tendency to break timelines when they do."

The others deflated slightly when she mentioned that they don't grant wishes.

"I-I see." Saber stuttered.

"Wanna listen?" Gudako held the 'talking' grail to Saber.

Saber hesitated, but her curiosity got the best of her and she took the Grail and held it close to her ear.

She immediately dropped the Grail as it emitted a horrific screeching noise.

"Weird, it doesn't usually do that. Wanna try, Rider?"

"I-I think I'll pass." Rider replied, shooting glances at a very pale King of Knights who was muttering something about having nightmares.

"Did you want to try too, Arc- gah!" Gudako was cut off as the Grail started leaking some black substance.

"Stupid thing is leaking mud again." Gudako muttered as she proceeded to bash the Grail against the floor till it stopped. If you listened closely, you might have thought that the Grail was wimpering in fear while Gudako repeatedly hit it against the floor.

Gudako held the Grail up towards Archer.

"I think I'll pass this time, girl."

It was noted that Archer looked oddly uncomfortable.

"Hmm, guess you guys want the regular kind of Grail. Here." Gudako picked up a different Holy Grail and waved it around the three Kings.

"It's not glowing. Guess you guys aren't strong enough to use a Grail yet."

"What?! What do you mean by that?" Saber was obviously offended, and the other two looked slightly offended as well but were holding their tongue.

"You guys have to ascend more before I can grail you, obviously. Now enough of this Grail business, lets have some snacks."

Gudako put the Grails away before pulling out a deck of EXP cards, which promptly manifested as a pile of crystals.

"Here." Gudako picked up some golden EXP crystals, making sure to give Archer and Rider crystals that matched their class.

Rider looked at the crystals for a bit before biting down on one with a loud crunch. "Oh? These are delicious!" Rider exclaimed.

Curious, Archer eyed one of the golden crystals before biting one. After a few seconds of chewing, he nodded in approval.

"Be proud, for these snacks suit the taste of the King. Although they are a bit too crunchy for my liking, but I will overlook that."

"Now, now, Saber. Don't be mad." said Gudako as she forced an EXP crystal into her mouth.

"Mmmmhhh!" Saber flailed wildly as the others just looked on in interest.

 _Master, we have several individuals approaching the castle. Looks like they're aiming to surround everyone._

 _Thanks for the heads up, Enkidu. I'll keep an eye out for them._

Letting go of Saber, she asked, "So what were we talking about, again?"

Gudako noted that Gilgamesh must have noticed Enkidu ever so slightly, as she could see his eyes looking around warily before turning back around.

"As I was saying, since Archer here won't let me have the Grail, then I'll have to take it by force. After all, conquest is my way of kingship..."

* * *

Tokiomi sighed as he sat alone in his empty workshop.

"Is it really alright for Archer to sit together with the remaining Servants?" Kirei's voice rang out through the magecraft communicator. Ever since the raid on the Tohsaka house, Tokiomi was forced to dip into his savings account to buy the bare necessities for the war.

"It really can't be helped." Tokiomi replied bitterly.

When Rider had shamelessly entered the Bounded Field of the Einzberns, Assassin had also taken the chance to sneak in unnoticed. They were relaying information on the banquet to Kirei, who in turn passed it on to Tokiomi.

The two Servants that Tokiomi was concerned about was Rider, who possessed a powerful Noble Phantasm, and the orange-haired girl that was the Master-class Servant, a Servant that apparently fought by commanding other Servants. It was only natural that Master and Saber would be allied, seeing how both of them had been summoned by the Einzbern camp.

Saber was already regarded as the strongest class, and getting a power boost from another Servant proved to be a real headache. He had already heard stories about how an injured Saber was able to beat Berserker in four blows after the strange girl took command of her. Granted, Berserker managed to escape afterwards, but the fact that Saber was struggling against Berserker previously only showed how powerful the girl Servant was. If that girl allied with any more Servants...

Shaking his head, he thought about the Servant Rider. He had yet to really engage in real combat, and thus he had to be on guard against him as well. It didn't help that Riders tended to have the strongest Noble Phantasms as well.

At least Lancer wasn't a problem anymore. The Master of Lancer had perished when he faced the Magus Killer on his own territory. Tokiomi snickered to himself as he thought about how stupid one would have to be to challenge a magus on their own turf, which would undoubtedly be loaded with traps.

Also, Berserker had obviously drained terrible amounts of prana from his Master, while Caster would be hunted down sooner or later. Those two groups would die out on their own, no doubt about it.

"Kirei, do you think the plan will still work?"

"To be completely honest, I don't believe that plan is viable anymore."

They had previously planned to send all the Assassins to attack Rider and the Masters and hopefully force him to reveal his trump card. Unfortunately, when Kirei went into Einzbern territory to try and meet Kiritsugu, Irisviel had called her Servant to her aid. The Servant, for whatever reason, was enraged when she saw Kirei and his Black Keys, and retaliated by shooting Black Keys of all things. Assassin had shielded him with their own bodies, and they took heavy losses. They were also missing a large number of female Assassins, although none of them could remember why such a thing would occur.

"We no longer have enough Assassins to rush at Rider. With such little numbers, we are simply asking for Assassin to get cut down with no gain to us. There is no way a Servant would unleash a Noble Phantasm on such an insignificant number of Assassins. To do such a thing would be unbelievably foolish." Kirei explained.

Tokiomi could do nothing but grunt in agreement at Kirei's reasoning.

"However, there might be another way to gain information."

Tokiomi leaned in to listen to what idea his student had thought of.

"Right now, the Masters and Servants are peaceful. If we make no moves that are aggressive, they might allow Assassin to sit with them. I will admit it isn't the most reliable plan, but it is better than having Assassin charge in recklessly and getting slaughtered. While I don't expect the likes of Saber or Archer to spill secrets, Rider..."

Tokiomi's eyes widened in understanding.

"I see what you mean. Rider certainly has that sort of personality. If that's the case, then we shall go with this plan."

"Very well. I will instruct Assassin to make the necessary preparations." Kirei acknowledged, and hung up.

Tokiomi poured himself some cheap tea from his cheap teapot, leaned back into his cheap chair, and sighed.

* * *

"...and so I wish to save Britain from its fate." Saber finished her sentence.

The courtyard was filled with an awkward silence.

Saber looked around at the confused faces on everyone.

"Hey, King of Knights, I don't know if I heard you wrong or something, but..."

Rider's confusion was written plainly on his face.

"Did you just say you wanted to change fate?" You want to undo your history?"

"That is correct. If the Grail is truly omnipotent, then surely..."

Suddenly, Archer burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard he was almost in tears.

"Hahahaha! I-I can't believe this! A king, someone who is supposed to be praised by everyone...a king would have regrets? What nonsense! Truly, you're the world's best clown, Saber!"

Saber looked angrily at Archer.

"That's right. The country that I sacrificed my life for perished. Is there something wrong with me grieving for my kingdom?"

"Oi, Rider, and you girl, did you just hear that? She's actually talking about sacrificing for her country!"

With that, Archer laughed even harder.

Between Archer's laughter and Rider and Gudako's awkward silence, she could bear the humiliation no longer.

"I don't understand what there is to laugh at! As kings, we should sacrifice ourselves for our country!"

"No, you're wrong." Rider stated firmly.

"Wha-"

"The nation should be sacrificing themselves for the king. You've got it backwards, Saber."

"That's a tyrant's rule! Archer, Rider! You bastards, heretics! How are you even kings?!" Saber shouted in anger.

"We are heroes precisely because we are tyrants." Rider stated. "You, girl. You sound like you have some experience with ruling over others, right?" Rider motioned to Gudako.

"Well..." Gudako closed her eyes and thought for a moment.

* * *

"Hmph, another stupid-looking newbie is here. I'll work you so hard you'll want to cry." Olga Marie thought to herself as she watched a bouncy orange-haired girl jump around the hallway.

"Hello, miss. Are you in charge of this place?" the girl asked.

"I am Olga Marie, the Director of Chaldea."

"I'm the Protagonist." the girl replied.

"W-who cares?" Olga Marie dismissed the girl.

She was suddenly lifted into the air by her neck.

"I think you should watch your language. Want me to teach you a lesson?" the protagonist asked.

"Wahh! I'm sorry!" Olga Marie cried as the protagonist lifted her even higher into the air.

* * *

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have plenty of experience with that." Gudako replied.

"I make my Servants farm hands and stuff... I train them all and I work them pretty hard. They come with me to hunt whatever I want. We all live and die together, my life is literally in their hands when we go out to fight whatever it is that needs killing. I fight in the front lines with them too. It's no kingdom or anything but we all get along most of the time. I'm proud to say that I know every single one of them by name. I know their likes and dislikes. I make sure to get to know every one personally. All of them offer me their loyalty and friendship. They do whatever I tell them to do, but they all trust me, in the same way I trust in them."

Everyone just sat in silence as they took in everything Gudako just said.

"Heh, I'm no good at speeches and stuff. Sorry." Gudako grinned.

"I think the girl understands. Wouldn't you agree, Rider?" Archer asked.

Rider nodded his head.

"This little lady gets it. She knows what she wants, and she takes it. Despite being a tyrant, her people follow her willingly anyways. She is no coward, she fights on the front line even though she has people perfectly capable of fighting better than her."

Rider grinned as he recalled how Gudako commanded Saber against Berserker.

"She trusts in her people, and they return her feelings. Hell, she even claims to know every single one of them by name."

Rider leaned close to Gudako's face as he examined her.

"You understand them, don't you?" he asked.

Gudako nodded.

"I made sure that I understand everyone." she replied. "I couldn't possibly clear all of my quests by myself, but with my Servants, it's a different story."

Gilgamesh eyed Gudako critically before giving a small smirk.

"To think such a person still exists. I, Gilgamesh, will give you my approval. Do well and entertain me, and the King may deem it appropriate to reward you."

"Aye, the King of Conquerers, Iskandar, approves of you as well. I wish my Master was a bit more like you." Rider reached over and flicked Waver in the forehead. "Although he is still young, I'm sure he will learn eventually."

Rider turned to Saber and frowned.

"As for you-"

The air was suddenly filled with murderous intent. Saber instinctively moved closer to Irisviel, while Waver quickly hid behind Rider.

One by one, Assassins with white skull masks emerged from the shadows.

"Archer, is this your doing?" Saber asked sharply.

Archer just frowned. "Do you really think I would invite this rabble to a banquet of kings?"

"Looks like they mean business." Gudako commented as the Assassins abandoned their Prescence Concealment.

Rider, however, just kept drinking and eating.

"Hey, Rider..." Waver muttered weakly at his Servant.

"Don't panic, kid. It's just a few more guests to our banquet."

"How in the world do they look like guests?!"

Rider just smiled wryly before raising his hand.

"Fellow Servants, could you cut down on the creepiness? You're scaring our guests."

Everyone though they heard Rider wrong.

"Rider, are you actually trying to invite these Assassins?" Saber questioned.

Even Archer had an eyebrow raised.

"Of course. The words of the king are for everyone to hear, whether they're friend or foe."

With that said, he picked up the bamboo ladle and scooped up some of the rice wine. Raising it high, he spoke.

"Don't be shy. If you want to drink, come join us. This wine is as your blood."

There was silence as Rider held the ladle over his head.

Then, surprisingly, one of the Assassins slowly stepped forward. With a wide grin, Rider held the ladle toward the Assassin.

The Assassin, a female, took the ladle silently. Adjusting her mask, she pushed it up slightly before downing the drink. She handed the ladle back to Rider and sat down, keeping a bit of distance between herself and Archer.

As if on cue, all of the other Assassins sat down at the same time.

Rider grinned while everyone stared in shock. Gudako was snapping pictures of everyone's faces with her phone.


	9. Chapter 9- side story 1

**Side story: Seiyuu Connection 1**

No connection to the main story, obviously.

* * *

"Senpai, please stop!" Mashu shouted.

Gudako was currently carrying Mashu bridal style and running down the hallways of Chaldea.

"I asked da Vinci if anyone had ever used a Servant as a catalyst for a summon and she said no, so I'm going to use you!"

"What makes you think that's a good idea?!" Mashu screamed.

"Besides, you don't seem to have many friends. You should go hang out more."

"W-what do you mean by that?!" Mashu blushed a deep shade of red.

As they pair continued to run, they bumped into Gawain.

"Oh, Gawain! A true man of culture, just who I needed."

"Ah, Master." He looked up and bowed. "Do you require anything from me?"

"Get everyone in the Round Table to meet up by the Summoning Room! We're going to use Mashu as a catalyst and maybe someone interesting will show up."

Gawain's eyes widened in understanding.

"Very well, Master. The others are nearby, they should be there shortly."

* * *

"Master, are you really sure this will work?" Artoria asked as she watched Mashu stand on her own shield awkwardly.

"Maybe we'll summon Galahad himself! Then she won't be the only Shielder anymore." Gudako spoke excitedly.

"Now, now. Papa is here. Da Vinci told us this was perfectly safe, right?" Saber Lancelot was doting over his daughter, as usual.

"Arrr-uurr..." Berserker Lancelot agreed.

"No need to worry, I'll be here to stop the summoning if anything goes wrong." Da Vinci assured everyone.

"Heh, you probably just wanted to see what would happen, am I right?" Mordred playfully elbowed da Vinci in the side. "Although I'm pretty curious about who's gonna show up too."

"Sweets for the Knights." Emiya and Tamamo Cat appeared out of nowhere and began serving everyone cake and tea.

"Ah, thank you, Sir Emiya." Gawain and Lancelot took some cake and tea.

Tristan also took some, although his eyes were always closed so it was impossible to tell if he was sleeping or not.

Artoria blushed as she took some of Emiya's cake.

"Thank you, Shirou."

Apparently, Emiya's cake acted like some sort of magnet, suddenly attracting a bunch of Servants into the room.

"Cake, give us cake, uncle." Jack, Nursery Rhyme, and Jeanne Alter Santa Lily immediately began pestering Emiya for cake.

"Remember to say 'thank you', girls." Atlanta reminded the children Servants.

"Okay guys, quiet down." Gudako clapped her hands. "I'm going to use Mashu as a catalyst now, hopefully we'll gain a powerful ally."

"Why do I feel like I'm an animal performing in front of everyone..." Mashu muttered to herself.

"Okay, here goes!"

Gudako put a summoning ticket down on the shield and immediately there was a huge explosion.

* * *

Everyone coughed and slowly picked themselves up as the ventilation systems in Chaldea quickly sucked up all the smoke.

Everyone quickly noticed that Mashu was gone. In her place was a short, flat-chested girl with brown hair, strange clothes and a staff. Clearly a Caster.

The strangely-dressed Caster struck a weird pose and spoke.

"My name is Megumin! My calling is that of an arch-wizard, one who controls explosion magic, the strongest of all offensive magic!"

...

"Eh?" Gudako asked.

This Megumin person switched poses again and continued.

"Do you too, desire my forbidden strength, which is so almighty, I've been ostracized by the entire world?"

Emiya raised an eyebrow. "It seems you've summoned some sort of chunnibyou, Master."

Megumin switched poses yet again and kept talking.

"Then show me thine resolve to peer into the ultimate abyss with me! When man stares into the abyss, the abyss stares back."

...

"Is this some sort of joke?" One of the Cu Chulainn's voices rang out.

"What the hell is this?"

"I'm not Japanese but her name sounds weird even to me."

"What's a chunnibyou?"

"Did Mashu do a magic trick or something?"

"That can't be, her breasts aren't that small."

"But her voice sounds exactly the same!"

"Ha! She's quite entertaining, she can work for me as a jester." Gilgamesh's voice rang out louder than the others.

The three child Servants thought it was some sort of performance and clapped politely.

Gudako ran up to Megumin and shook her by the shoulders.

"You...what did you do to my eggplant!" Gudako demanded.

"I-I didn't do anything!" Megumin cried.

"Lies!" Gudako roared as she shook Megumin harder.

"S-senpai?"

A moment ago, she had grabbed this Megumin person by the shoulders, but now, she was clearly holding Mashu.

"Woah, is this real?" Gudako grabbed both of Mashu's breasts and squeezed.

"Ahh! Not in public, senpai!"

She shook Mashu again and in her place was Megumin.

"P-please don't hurt me!" Megumin cried.

Gudako poked Megumin's much smaller breasts.

"W-where are you touching?!" Megumin exclaimed.

She shook the poor Demi-Servant again.

"S-senpai..."

And again.

"How dare you treat an arch wizard like this!"

* * *

"It seems like you managed to summon another spirit into Mashu somehow. To be honest, I'm not sure how you pulled that off, though I wouldn't put it past you to manage such a feat."

Megumin stood silently as Medea examined her.

"Those are some interesting red eyes, though. You don't see red eyes very much, though I'm not sure what the eyepatch is for. Your eyes look fine to me."

"That's right! I am an elite mage of the Crimson Demon race, Megumin! My magic is powerful enough to split the mountains! Ah, I see how it is... did you need an excellent mage?"

Medea simply ignored Megumin as she continued.

"Hmm...to summon a spirit into an already existing vessel would mean the two must be compatible. I notice they do both have the same voice, although they must be more similar than I thought if they're compatible enough to share the same body."

"I can already see two big differences." Gudako stated while staring at Megumin's chest.

"Why do I feel insulted for some reason..." Megumin muttered.

"Anyways," Medea bopped Megumin on the head, turning her back into Shielder. "It seems a bit of concussive force will force them to switch control. At least that's how it'll probably be until she gets better control over her new power."

"Ah...thank you, Miss Medea." Mashu said, rubbing her sore head.

"Ah, hold on. I wanna see her stats." Gudako smacked Mashu in the head and Megumin appeared again.

"You again..." Megumin puffed her cheeks.

"What's with the eyepatch?" Gudako asked.

"This magic item restrains my mighty magical powers. If I were to remove it, a great catastrophe would befall the world."

"So it's like a seal?"

"No, I lied. I just wear it for the looks."

Gudako and Medea just looked at each other.

"W-wait! I'm sorry! Stop, please stop!" Megumin cried as Gudako attempted to yank her eyepatch off.

"How can you even be a Caster with E- mana?"

"Perhaps she was summoned into an incompatible class. It is uncommon but not unheard of." Medea stated.

"Nope! My one true love is explosion magic!" Megumin proudly declared while striking another strange pose.

"Oh boy." Gudako muttered.

* * *

Gudako watched as Megumin shoveled large amounts of food into her mouth, drawing stares from everyone else in the cafeteria.

Emiya, who sat next to Gudako, sighed as he thought about the amount the food that would need to be obtained with another huge eater around.

"So, Master. Is there any reason why you called me here?" Emiya asked.

"Well you said you were a specialized magus, right?"

"That's correct, Master." Emiya thought about his one true specialization in tracing bladed weapons, being unimaginably incompetent in basically everything else.

"Well it seems she's got you beat in that regard. She claims she can only cast an Explosion once a day, and nothing else."

"A-are you for real?" Emiya sputtered.

"She has E- mana. As a Caster." Gudako deadpanned.

"Wow, and I thought I was bad..." Emiya sighed.

"I'll blow up anything you ask of me once a day. You'll have to carry me home afterwards, though."

Gudako and Emiya watched as Megumin stroked her wooden staff in a lewd manner.

"Well, my only advice for you is to take her out to some singularity and see what she is capable of with your own eyes. Only then can you decide on the appropriate course of action." Emiya explained.

"Yeah, that makes sense." Gudako mused.

* * *

Gudako decided to take Megumin, along with Artoria Lily and Medea Lily to farm hands, which was probably the safest activity that Gudako could think of, with Cu Chulainn as backup.

"Why do I feel like some chaperone for a field trip..." grumbled Cu as he watched the small female Servants fight off the hands.

"Lets go! Buster! Arts!" Gudako shouted.

"Hyaa!" Artoria Lily shouted as she cut down one of the hands with Caliburn.

"Pain Breaker!" Medea Lily called forth her Noble Phantasm, healing her party to perfect health.

"Huh? Why aren't you fighting?" Gudako questioned Megumin.

"Well..." she fidgeted a bit. "I can only cast once a day, so if I cast now, I'll be useless for the rest of this fight." She grinned sheepishly.

"A Caster that can only cast once a day? I've never heard of such a thing!" Cu looked incredulous. After all, he was good enough at magecraft to have a Caster form.

"Well her Explosion Noble Phantasm says it's rank EX so it has to be pretty good." Gudako said.

"Yeah, well we'll see." Cu replied.

And so the party quickly cut down the first and second wave of hands, gathering up the Embers of Wisdom along the way.

"Well now is a good time to show us what you're made of." Gudako pointed at the third and final wave of hands.

Megumin cleared her threat. "Very well, Master!"

She raised her staff and began chanting.

Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark,  
I beseech thee, combine with my deep crimson.  
The time of awakening cometh.

"Her aria is kinda weird, don't you think?" Cu asked.

Justice, fallen upon the infallible boundary,  
appear now as an intangible distortion!  
I desire for my torrent of power a destructive force:

"I thought it was kind of poetic." Medea Lily added.

a destructive force without equal!  
Return all creation to cinders,  
and come from the abyss!

"Don't you think it's a bit long?" Artoria Lily complained.

 **Explosion!**

"Woah what the fu-"

A bright flash of light rendered everyone's vision a screen of pure white. Slowly as the light faded, a ridiculously massive mushroom cloud loomed over everything.

Everyone picked themselves off the ground with the exception of Megumin, who no longer had the energy to move at all. They didn't even realize the blast had pushed them a far distance backwards. Only then did Cu Chulainn realize the reason why the Explosion could only be cast once per day.

EX-rank Noble Phantasm, "Explosion", the one spell allowed to Megumin, left its mark on the world that day, completely obliterating the hands they were farming and turning the blast radius into a wasteland. Everything within a mile was reduced to a smoldering mess.

Megumin's eyes went wide as Gudako lifted her off the ground to let her see the explosion she had managed.

"Wow, they were never this big when I did it before."

* * *

Soon after that, there were a number of Servants demanding to see Megumin's Explosion. Once a day they would accompany her to farm hands and return with their faces rather pale.

Gilgamesh had scoffed, saying that farming hands was beneath him, until Ozymandias, Tamamo, and Karna returned, claiming that they saw the sun for a brief moment.

His curiosity piqued, Gilgamesh decided to witness this Explosion for himself.

When he returned, his face was a bit pale.

He put a hand on Megumin's shoulder and spoke.

"Girl, I don't know what sort of legend you have, but your legend must be incredibly famous to empower your Noble Phantasm to that degree."

Megumin, being too weak to move, could only nod weakly.

And so, Megumin, along with Arash, was placed on hand farming duty.

"At least your body doesn't explode when you use your ultimate move." Arash muttered.

* * *

I took would-be omakes, and instead of sticking a short one on the end of regular chapters, decided to flesh one out into a chapter of its own. I think I might post one of these every few regular chapters, I found it rather fun to write. They're all going to be jokes about Servants sharing voice actors with other famous franchises or jabs at funny F/GO gameplay mechanics.

In case it wasn't obvious enough, the seiyuu connection for this chapter is Mashu and Megumin from Konosuba.

Next side chapter will feature an angry shinsengumi vice-captain and a guy who plays card games on motorcycles.


	10. Chapter 10

"Though you are not a king, you have still accepted the invitations of a king. Therefore we'll allow you to speak. Tell us, what is your wish for the Holy Grail, Assassin?" Rider asked Assassin.

"Our wish is to be whole again." One of the Assassins spoke up. "In life, we were one person with many personalities. As a Servant, we became many people, as you can plainly see here."

"I thought that was the source of your power. You would throw away such a thing?" Saber asked.

"And weren't you talking about throwing away your kingship?" Assassin retorted. "Besides, you don't have to put up with all of these voices in your head."

"I-" Saber opened her mouth, only to realize that she had no words to reply with.

Archer just smirked. To have Assassin of all people to show Saber her hypocrisy, how entertaining.

"Doesn't it suck to be used as a tool like that, though? I mean, each one of you are your own person." Gudako said.

Gudako could call each body of the Hundred-Face Hassan by name back in Chaldea, and assign appropriate missions that played to each of their individual strengths. To use such a unique Servant as a bunch of meat shields and for simple scouting was an utter waste in Gudako's eyes and she considered using Servants like a simple tool to be shameful, even if they insisted on it themselves.

"We're all used to it. We simply serve to carry out the orders of our Master." One of the Assassins replied.

"But you all have names. Isn't that right, Asako?" Gudako looked at a particular Assassin with long purple hair.

Even through the white skull mask, her surprise was evident.

"And you there, Gozaru." Gudako pointed at an Assassin with big arms.

"And Makuru." She pointed at another Assassin, this one with a slender build that ran faster than the other Assassins.

Gudako began pointing to each Assassin present and referred to them all by name, pointing out what they were good at and what they were terrible at, earning astonished looks from everyone, especially the Assassins.

Then she began naming each Assassin that was missing, probably killed already.

"Ah, Zayd got blown up by Goldy over there early on. What a shame, he was a nice person too." Gudako referred to the first Assassin that was sent to sneak into the Tohsaka manor.

Archer raised an eyebrow, as though he was surprised that mongrel he blew up even had a name.

"So all of you get along with each other, isn't that a sort of unity all of its own? You don't necessarily have to be one whole being to be unified." Gudako asked.

"Well...I can't really argue with that." Asako replied. The other Assassins could only nod in agreement.

Meanwhile, Saber could only stare in astonishment. Gudako could comprehend people on a level that she didn't think was possible. From the strongest Saber to the lowly Assassin, she knew everything about everyone. Suddenly, Saber was filled with shame that she couldn't remember the names of everyone who had served her.

Suddenly, everything froze. Gudako looked around in confusion as everyone appeared to be frozen in time, except for the Assassins, who were all looking around as well.

Then, the sounds of a bell rang out.

Gudako recognized the sound, and evidently the Assassins all recognized the sound as well, as they had all frozen up and looked to be sweating bullets.

"So, it is Hundred-Face."

Gudako turned around and saw King Hassan in all his shadowy glory, standing right behind her.

"Gramps? What are you doing here?"

"G-great founder..."

King Hassan ignored Gudako and kept talking.

"To show weakness while bearing the name of Hassan-i-Sabbah. What hast thou accumulated with thy countless knowledge? A desire to contend thy hundred souls to one faith? Fool. Hand over thy head."

Poor Assassin could only obey their Great Founder and sit still as King Hassan swung his sword. There were many sprays of blood as the head of each Assassin fell to the floor.

"O Contractor. I did not expect thou to be in such a place. Do not worry, for I did not come for thy head."

"Well, that's a relief, gramps. What are you doing here?"

"It was the time for death, for thou hast shamed the name of Hassan. Strange, for the evening bell still rings. Didst I miss someone's head? I see now."

With a grunt, King Hassan threw his sword at the Einzbern Castle. It cut straight though the wall and sliced off Diarmuid's head at the neck with a perfectly clean cut.

"Wow, was that really necessary?" Gudako gaped at the amazingly accurate sword throw. "I even used a Quartz to save Diarmuid, poor guy."

"Do not worry, Contractor, for I hast prepared a suitable refund."

King Hassan reached into an opening in his armor and pulled out a Saint Quartz.

"I, um, thanks?" Gudako took the Quartz and pocketed it.

"Now I must leave. We will meet again, Contractor."

In a burst of blue flame, King Hassan vanished as quickly as he appeared.

As time continued to move once again, there was a scream. To the perspective of the others, the Assassins went from perfectly whole to decapitated corpses in the blink of an eye, literally.

"Lancer died!"

Rider and Saber scrambled into battle position and covered Waver and Irisviel while Archer prepared his Gate of Babylon.

Ishtar, Enkidu, Jack, and Emiya Alter burst out of the castle, tearing down a wall in the process. Enkidu instinctively fired his Chains of Heaven to protect Gudako.

Gilgamesh instinctively fired his own Chains of Heaven before his eyes could even process what they were seeing.

The two Chains that bound divinity coiled around each other like snakes, cancelling each other out before fading.

The four summoned Servants of Gudako formed a wall between Gudako and the others, weapons drawn as the corpses of Assassin faded into motes of light.

The eyes of Gilgamesh went wide as he stared at the green hair, those plain white robes. It couldn't be—

"Gil? So you're here too!" Enkidu said cheerfully.

"Enkidu?" It couldn't be, why would his only friend be here? And then he saw _her_.

"Yoo-hoo, Goldy~" Ishtar waved at Gilgamesh.

Gilgamesh had a strange expression between a smile and a frown that Gudako didn't know was physically possible.

"You... you goddess." he pointed at Ishtar in shock.

Rider looked in confusion, with his sword still drawn. A goddess? That was supposed to be impossible, the Holy Grail wasn't supposed to have the power to call Divine Spirits. But the feeling of divinity was unmistakable.

"Now, lets not be hasty here." Enkidu put up his hands in a placating position. "We only came to protect our Master, not to have an all out war. Beside, this place is hardly suitable for such a thing, wouldn't you agree?"

"Y-you mean she summoned them here?!" Waver cried out, pointing at Gudako.

"Well I did say I have an army." Gudako replied nonchalantly.

Waver blanched at the implication that Gudako was capable of summoning _more_ Servants if she wasn't kidding about the army of Servants.

"You..." Gilgamesh got up and slowly walked over to Gudako.

"I don't know if I should reward you for letting me see my friend once again, or if I should kill you where you stand for bringing _her_ here." He glared at Ishtar, who just smiled and waved.

"Don't be so dramatic, Gil. I'm sure my Master will let us have a good fight later on. Isn't that right, Master?"

"Oh, _now_ you're willing to go all out, Enkidu." Gudako rolled her eyes. "Well I'll let you guys have your fun, if Gilgamesh here is a bit more motivated to kill off Caster, if you catch my drift. And you have to survive to the end."

"Heheheh...HAHAHAHA!"

Gilgamesh started chuckling, before it became full blown laughter.

"You drive a hard bargain, girl! To think anyone would have the nerve to order me, the King around! But fine! If all you desire is to have Caster dead, then consider it done!"

Gilgamesh had a feral grin on his face before he faded away to spiritual form.

Ishtar had a shocked look on her face.

"D-did you just convince Goldy to kill someone for you by using Enkidu as a bargaining chip?!"

Gudako just shrugged. "Hey, whatever works."

"My, to think I would have such an intelligent Master. Well it's good that a weapon such as I would be wielded by such a person." Enkidu said.

"Now, what did you say about calling yourself a mere weapon?"

Enkidu laughed.

Rider summoned his Gordius Wheel and pulled Waver aboard.

"What a strange conclusion to our banquet. Well I suppose it's time to say our farewells. The next time we meet will be on the battlefield."

As Rider rode off, he shouted, "Saber! I hope you find your proper way of kingship next time! I won't recognize you as a king until you do!"

Saber just stood silently as Rider left.

"Ugh, so much blood." Gudako walked through the puddles of blood on the ground to pick up the treasure chest that Assassin left behind when they died.

It contained a white skull mask that Hassans wore along with a memory crystal that contained the memory of Hundred-Faced Hassan for this war.

"Hmm, interesting." Gudako muttered as she pocketed the drop items. "Come on, we should probably go back inside."

The others nodded as they made their way back into the castle.

* * *

Everyone stood in the room and stared at the bloodstain on the floor that Lancer left behind. His body had long since faded.

"Well, I guess it was Lancer's time to die and there was no avoiding it. At least his death was swift and painless." Gudako rubbed her temples and sighed as she bent down and picked up the treasure chest that dropped from Diarmuid's corpse.

It contained the broken remains of Gae Dearg and Gae Buidhe as well as a memory crystal containing the memories of Diarmuid in this particular war.

"We should probably all get some rest." Kiritsugu announced, and the others could only nod.

* * *

"It seems Assassin is dead." Kirei's voice rang out from the magecraft communicator. "It was very swift and sudden. Without warning, all of Assassin's bodies were cut down at once. Anything that took place afterwards, I do not know."

"Very well," Tokiomi replied. "It seems you no longer have to hide in the shadows. By the way, did you manage to read the parameters of that girl, Gudako?"

"They all appeared as rank F. That can't possibly be true, she must have some ability concealing her true status." Kirei replied.

"I see, that is unfortunate."

"I'll be off to do my preparations, then." Kirei then hung up.

Tokiomi sighed as he leaned back into his cheap chair. Suddenly, Gilgamesh appeared in the room.

"Gilgamesh, my king. Did you learn of anything interesting during your trip?" Tokiomi dared to ask.

Gilgamesh just chuckled. "Yes, very interesting indeed. Looks like this war will be slightly challenging, after all."

Gilgamesh made to exit the room, and Tokiomi asked him where he was going to now.

"I am going to remove Caster. I will be back shortly, Tokiomi."

Tokiomi stared in shock as his Servant left to vanquish Caster. Of course, he completely expected Gilgamesh to win, but what could have possessed him to do such a thing? Not that he was complaining.

* * *

Flying over the sky in his Vimana with a mana compass Noble Phantasm, he had tracked down Caster's location in mere seconds. Hovering over the location of Caster's workshop in the sewers, he summoned Ea into his hand.

"To use you on this trash...however, a stage worthy of you will soon be set, so please bear with it." Gilgamesh spoke to his sword.

The sword spun slowly as Gilgamesh casually, almost lazily waved the weapon in Caster's general direction. A large energy blast completely unproportional to Gilgamesh' exertion flew toward the ground, leaving a huge explosion and a crater behind.

Gilgamesh smirked as Vimana flew him back to Tokiomi's mansion.

* * *

A startled Tokiomi almost choked on his tea as Gilgamesh suddenly appeared in his study once more.

"M-my king, it has barely been two minutes since you left!"

Gilgamesh just laughed. "If I was serious about removing Caster, I could have completed the task in a quarter of that time! Anyways, Caster has been removed. Go pick up your Command Seal from the priest tomorrow."

Tokiomi stared as Gilgamesh casually left the study, seemingly in a very good mood. Not that he was complaining.

* * *

A rather loud boom woke up the occupants of Einzbern Castle. Kiritsugu lept out of bed immediately, pulling out a pistol he kept by the bed. Suddenly, the mental connection from Saber came, confirming that there were no intruders near the castle, and Kiritsugu relaxed.

Irisviel was gasping for air a bit, before speaking.

"It looks like Caster is dead."

* * *

 **Skull Mask of Hassan** \- a drop item that Hundred-Faced Hassan left behind. Serves as a catalyst that will call forth any Servant who bears the title of Hassan-i-Sabbah. Won't summon a Servant that already appeared in the current war.

 **Remains of Gae Dearg and Gae Buidhe** \- shattered remains of Diarmuid's twin spears. Serves as a catalyst that will call forth another Irish Servant that bears the Lancer class. Since Diarmuid already appeared in the war, it won't summon Diarmuid again.

 **Memory Crystal** \- feeding this crystal to the corresponding Servant in Chaldea will grant them the memories of the 4th Holy Grail War that included Gudako.

* * *

Yes, Gudako bribed Gilgamesh to kill off Caster by using the opportunity to fight Enkidu once more as a bargaining chip, thus saving the Einzbern camp a lot of trouble. Not that it took much effort at all. Gil usually wouldn't use Ea on someone so utterly beneath him, but the opportunity to face off against his best friend once more drove him to fulfill Gudako's demands.

There hasn't been too much action in the past few chapters, but things will be picking up soon as everyone gets back into the swing of things and start to kill each other once more. I just believe that the banquet of kings is an important event in the story so I took the time to make sure that it was well written. As usual, thank you all for your continued support.


	11. Chapter 11-side story 2

**Side Story- Crotch Buster**

Thank you for 300 follows! If you actually used Cu Chulainn and Saber Lily's NP in F/GO then you will probably understand this chapter a lot more. If you don't know what they look like, then you can find their videos on YouTube very easily.

* * *

"Watch out, Cu!"

"You got it, missy!"

Activating his _Protection From Arrows_ , Cu Chulainn ducked and wove around the wild swings of a very angry Shadow Nero.

"Damn, looks like we got unlucky with RNG." Gudako complained.

An unlucky streak of critical hits had wiped her party, leaving only Cu Chulainn in the backrow to hopefully clean up the mess.

"Oh, shit." Cu realized too late that he had run out of dodges and the Shadow Nero got a clean cut onto Cu's chest.

"Tch." Cu spat as he activated his _Battle Continuation_ and continued to strike down his enemy with Quick and Buster attacks. Unfortunately, Lancers didn't match up well with Sabers and he wasn't doing as much damage as he could have done.

Cu braced himself as Shadow Nero rushed him down with her flaming sword. He had run out of dodges and the only thing he could do now was to take the blow head on.

"God damn, that hurts!" The Hound of Culainn winced as the sword stabbed into his chest. He swung Gae Bolg to force the enemy back and clutched his chest where he was stabbed.

"We got your Noble Phantasm all charged up, Cu!" Gudako held up a green Command Card labeled 'Gae Bolg'.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Gae Bolg flared to life as Gudako pulled the other two Quick Cards to form a Quick Brave Chain.

"Your heart is mine! **Gae Bolg!** "

The air turned crimson as Cu Chulainn's unrestrained bloodlust consumed the vicinity. A streak of red flew through the air and bent at impossible angles as the spear of Cu Chulainn impaled itself into...the enemy's crotch?

Shadow Nero screamed as Gae Bolg inflicted instant death, and promptly kneeled over and died.

"Whew...we really got lucky with that instant death RNG that time." Gudako wiped the sweat off her brow.

Cu Chulainn just frowned as he examined where the spear had struck.

"What the hell, that was nowhere near the heart." he complained.

"Well at least the enemy died." Gudako shrugged.

"It's the principle of the thing. My spear was famous for always striking the heart. I don't want to be known for stabbing people between the legs." Cu sighed as they prepared to return to Chaldea.

* * *

Cu Chulainn sat silently at the Chaldea Bar, drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

"Hey, Cu Chulainn! What's up?" Fergus pat Cu on the back as he took a seat, motioning to the barkeep to get him a drink.

"Ah, nothing much. Just been having some issues is all." Cu picked up another mug of beer and downed it all.

"The great Cu Chulainn has issues? What is it? Women? Battles?" Fergus asked incredulously as he picked up his drink.

"It's Gae Bolg. For some reason it doesn't aim for the heart anymore, it aims for the crotch. If word got out then I'll be the laughing stock of Chaldea." Cu explained sadly.

"That is...bizarre." Fergus was at a loss for words.

Cu looked around nervously before downing another drink. "I hope Scathach doesn't find out. She would kick my ass for sure."

"I dunno if this will help, but I heard that little Saber girl in white mention something about a crotch beam or something. Maybe you should go talk to her." Fergus advised.

"Saber Lily? Well I suppose I don't have anything to lose at this point. I'll go check it out." Cu finished off yet another drink before getting up.

"Hope you deal with your problem, kiddo. I'll always be around if you need me."

"Yeah, thanks pops."

* * *

Artoria Lily sat alone in the dining hall, picking at her food with her fork. It was an omelette that Emiya had made.

"Yo. Is this seat taken?"

Artoria looked up to see Cu Chulainn of all people standing there, much to her surprise.

"No, not at all. Please feel free to sit."

Cu took a seat as Artoria continued to jab at her omelette.

"Not hungry?" Cu asked.

"Not really. You want it?"

"Ehh...sure, why not." Cu took the fork and omelette and took a bite.

"Hey, this is actually pretty good."

"Ah, Emiya-senpai made it for me."

"What?! He always gives me pre-made meals, that cheap bastard!"

Artoria couldn't help but giggle. She had always known that the blue Lancer and red Archer had some history.

"Heh, guess he likes you enough to make a meal just for you. Lucky girl, you are."

He smirked as he watched the poor girl blush and fidget around. Of course Saber Lily was much easier to tease than her older counterpart.

"So did you need something from me, Mister Cu? I doubt you just wanted to come here for a chat."

"Pfft, don't call me Mister, that makes me sound old. Just call me Cu, everyone does that already."

"Alright then, Cu Chulainn." She said with innocent eyes.

"Eh, close enough. Someone told me you were feeling a bit down, and decided that I was a good person to talk to, so here I am or whatever."

"Well, I was told that only Sabers that could shoot sword beams were true Sabers, so I asked Master to take me to someplace where I could practice calling Caliburn's powers, and she took me to Fuyuki and I could try shooting at skeletons, but...but..." Artoria's eyes started tearing up.

 _Oh crap, I didn't sign up for this,_ Cu thought to himself.

"Every time I try firing a sword beam with Caliburn, it hits them between the legs!" she sobbed.

"I, um, I'm sorry to hear that?" He awkwardly pat Artoria Lily on the shoulder. "Hell, I didn't even know shooting sword beams was a requirement or whatever it is."

Cu picked up the drink on the table and offered it to the crying girl.

"Here, why don't you drink your...milk?" He raised an eyebrow as he inspected the contents of the glass, which was indeed milk.

She took the glass and drank, which calmed her down a bit. "E-Emiya-senpai says that drinking milk helps you grow."

"I- pfft!" Cu could barely contain his laughter. "Oh my god, that's hilarious, of course he would say something like that!"

The poor girl looked in confusion as she watched the blue Lancer laugh his ass off.

"I-I'm sorry. That just totally caught me off guard. I didn't think any of the Servants here actually drank straight up milk."

Cu took a moment to compose himself before he kept talking.

"Okay, if it makes you feel better, I'm actually suffering from a similar problem. You know how Gae Bolg is supposed to always hit the target in the heart if I call its name, right?"

Artoria simply nodded.

"So recently, every time I try to invoke Gae Bolg, it somehow stabs its way into the target's crotch instead of their heart." Cu explained glumly.

"T-that's horrible!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, how 'bout we hit the training dummies for a bit. Maybe we'll figure something out."

Artoria nodded as she got up and followed Cu Chulainn out the dining hall.

* * *

Artoria Lily stared at the humanoid training dummy in front of her, clutching Caliburn close to her.

"O Holy Sword of Selection, grant me your power! **Caliburn!** "

She shifted into her stance and thrust her sword forward, firing a thin beam of light. The sword beam flew through the air, making a perfect parabola before going straight through the dummy's crotch and exploding.

"See?! It always does that!" The poor girl-knight pouted.

"Huh, lemme try." Cu brandished Gae Bolg and got into his ready stance.

He closed his eyes and inhaled before invoking his Noble Phantasm.

" **Gae Bolg!** "

Cu Chulainn shot forward with his spear in hand, striking the dummy straight in the crotch.

"God damn it..." he cursed to himself.

"Wow, you weren't kidding." Artoria Lily examined the resulting hole in the dummy's crotch curiously.

Cu just sighed.

"Doesn't seem like this is gonna go away any time soon. At least it doesn't seem to affect our combat effectiveness."

Artoria Lily could only plop down to the ground in defeat. "Guess this is our fate now. To be known as the crotch busters."

"Hmm? What's wrong? Didn't expect to see you two here."

The pair turned around to see Emiya with Kanshou and Bakuya in hand.

"Oh, just who we needed! Could you trace a copy of our weapons?" Cu practically begged.

"Um, sure. Just give me a moment."

Muttering _trace, on_ to himself, he quickly formed a copy of Gae Bolg and Caliburn in his hands.

"Now what?" Emiya asked.

"We want to see you use the weapons against the dummy over there." Cu explained.

"Well, if that's what you want."

Emiya copied Cu Chulainn's stance with Gae Bolg before invoking its name and throwing it at the dummy. The red spear pierced into its chest, over where its heart is.

Then he called Caliburn's name and thrust the sword forward, releasing a sword beam that tore into the dummy's torso.

"We're doomed!" Artoria Lily sobbed.

"What do you mean?" Emiya looked confused at her outburst.

Sighing, she pulled herself into position before invoking her sword's power, firing a beam that hit the dummy right between the legs before exploding.

Emiya just raised an eyebrow as he watched Cu Chulainn take his battle stance before he thrust his spear forward, where it stabbed straight through its crotch.

"You know, I have some people that might appreciate your newfound talents." Emiya said.

* * *

Francis Drake and other female Servants were currently kicking Blackbeard as he lay on the ground. They stopped as Cu and Artoria Lily approached.

"Oh, so these are the so called Crotch Busters that we've heard so much about. Well, you know what to do already." Francis pointed at Blackbeard, who was getting dragged up by Jack and Elizabeth.

"This is your punishment for peeking on us in the bath."

Blackbeard had a very nervous look as Gae Bolg and Caliburn inched slowly toward his very exposed crotch area.

* * *

"Woah, did you hear that?" Gudako asked as she shoveled a plate of fried rice into her mouth.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Master." Emiya replied smoothly.

* * *

I wasn't planning on another omake chapter so soon, but I noticed that we hit 300 follows so I decided to write something up! The next chapter is coming up soon, please look forward to it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for late update.**

* * *

Irisviel woke up to the sight of a city ravaged by flame surrounding her on all sides.

"Watch out, Senpai!"

Irisviel instinctively ducked as she heard several arrows shoot over her head. Looking to on side, she saw many skeletons wielding swords, bows and spears. Looking to the other side, she saw her Servant, Gudako, hiding behind another Servant with short lavender hair and form fitting black armor who was holding a massive shield in front of her.

"Master, your orders?"

"Go engage them, Mashu!"

Irisviel watched as Gudako called five Command Cards. Unlike when she saw Gudako pick out three cards with practiced ease to order Saber, the Gudako here looked nervous and seemed to hesitate at the sight of the colorful cards.

"Senpai, hurry!" Mashu shouted as the skeletons crept closer.

"Well, here goes." Gudako muttered nervously as she picked out two Arts and a Buster.

"Yaa!" Mashu cried as she began bashing and pulverizing the skeletons with her shield.

This continued until there were no skeletons left.

"Excellent command, Senpai." Mashu sighed as Gudako cast an Emergency Heal from her outfit.

"Let's keep going, Mashu." Gudako pointed down the street as they continued exploring the city, with Irisviel following behind them.

Irisviel's eyes widened as she thought she recognized a shop that was currently in flames. It was the same shop that Gudako had taken her to when they first arrived in Fuyuki.

* * *

Irisviel woke from her sleep with a start.

"Are you alright, dear?" Kiritsugu was standing by the bed and was dressing himself before Irisviel suddenly woke up.

"Ah, yes. I just...had a strange dream, that's all."

"We can talk about it over breakfast. I'll see you in a bit, Iri."

As Kiritsugu was about to leave the bedroom, Iri grabbed his wrist and yanked him onto the bed, before kissing him on the lips.

Irisviel then pushed a bewildered Kiritsugu out the bedroom and closed the door.

Sighing to himself, he made his way towards the dining room.

He was supposed to have left for the hotel to make plans last night, probably pick up some fast food for breakfast. At least that was the plan.

As for the original plan...

* * *

 _The previous night..._

"Must you go back to the hotel, Kiri?" Irisviel asked her husband.

They were currently standing outside the rear of the castle, next to the parked car that Kiritsugu prepared.

"You know I have to, Iri." Kiritsugu steeled his heart once more as he cupped his hand around her cheek.

After all, most of his notes and maps on the War was currently stashed away in his hotel room. He would send out a familiar or two to scout around the city, and maybe hit a fast food place to grab some burgers to eat after taking a power nap, and then it was back to taking notes, gathering more intel and the like.

And Maiya was there at the hotel, waiting for him.

He had to have the mental fortitude, a determination of steel in order to suppress the enormous feeling of guilt for sleeping with another woman. He did this to ease the pain of losing Irisviel, know fully what would happen to the Grail vessel as more and more Servants died. Even though Avalon was implanted within Irisviel, it would only go so far before she would lose her functions as a human being. Irisviel understood this as well, and never blamed him or Maiya for his actions.

And then he saw _him._

His son, dark skinned as he was, blended into the darkness of the night easily, although the yellow cracks on his skin made him more visible. Emiya Alter was leaning against the wall and was gazing quite intently at Kiritsugu.

Only Kiritsugu could see him from the location he was currently standing at, as Irisviel was facing the wrong direction to see him. Kiritsugu and his son made eye contact for the briefest of moments.

Emiya's face was neutral as ever, but Kiritsugu saw a look of disapproval flash through his son's eyes for just the briefest of moments.

And suddenly, Kiritsugu felt very ashamed of himself.

It was a feeling that he had tried to force out of his psyche long before the Grail War, but something in his cold heart cracked when he saw that look in his son's eyes.

Kiritsugu mumbled something into his walkie-talkie before turning away from the car.

"You know, sticking around for a while won't hurt." Kiritsugu said as he walked back towards the castle.

Irisviel positively beamed at him as she tackled him to the ground from behind.

* * *

Kiritsugu yawned as he pushed the dining room doors open, to be greeted by an expected sight. Instead of the usual homunculus maids, he was greeted with the sight of Artoria and Gudako, along with her lively Servants. It wasn't like the usual maids really talked that much, so Kiritsugu didn't mind too much.

"Oh, Kiritsugu! Want some breakfast?" Gudako waved as he approached the large table.

"Yeah, that would be nice." Kiritsugu replied as Ishtar floated over and put a plate in front of him along with a mug of coffee.

He raised an eyebrow at the dish in front of him. It was a simple omelette.

After living with the Einzberns for almost a decade, he was always served very high-class meals fit for royalty. As much as he had enjoyed the food at first, he had slowly but surely gotten tired of this sort of cuisine. Nowadays he preferred cheap meals such as fast food and simple take-outs.

Therefore, when he was suddenly presented with this simple omelette with some coffee, he couldn't help but smile.

"Who made this?" he asked Ishtar.

Everyone else turned their head toward Emiya Alter, who was simply staring out the window.

"My son can cook?" Kiritsugu raised an eyebrow.

"He doesn't...cook as much as his counterpart." Enkidu explained. "Ishtar actually spent a lot of time to convince him to make something. And there was also the issue of driving the maids out of the kitchen."

Ishtar looked away while Emiya just grunted.

"Good morning~" Irisviel cheerfully entered the dining room. "Eh? Where are the maids?" she asked, before noticing that the table was unusually full today.

"Good morning, Irisviel." Artoria greeted as Gudako and Jack waved from behind her.

"Oh my, what's this?" Irisviel looked at the omelette Ishtar set down for her as she took a seat next to Kiritsugu.

She looked at it curiously as evidently she had never tried such an ordinary breakfast food very much.

"He made it." All the Servants turned towards Emiya yet again, and he just simply nodded in acknowledgement.

"My son can cook?" How wonderful!" Irisviel clapped her hands together and said "Itadakimasu!" in true Japanese fashion.

Kiritsugu blinked, before doing the same thing as his wife before eating.

 _It's been a long time since I did that,_ Kiritsugu thought to himself.

The two Masters started to dig into the rather large omelette that Emiya made. Despite being rather reluctant to cook, he ended up making two big omelettes.

"Mmm~ This is wonderful!" Irisviel exclaimed.

Kiritsugu continued to eat silently although it was obvious that he enjoyed the food very much.

"Saber, I need to talk to you for a minute." Gudako whispered to Artoria. She nodded and silently made their way outside of the room, as Gudako only called her by her class name if it was for something important.

"It's about Lancer. I know you were quite fond of him, so I should probably explain what happened to him."

Saber could only nod silently.

"You see, the one who killed him was the original Old Man of the Mountain, the first Hassan-i-Sabbah."

Saber's eyes went wide at that declaration.

"It was his time to die, so there was no avoiding it. I guess it makes sense, in a way. This is only my speculation, but I think that he died because I bound his existence to myself when he should have died on that night. If I had done that to too many Servants, then the war would literally be unable to go on, so I wouldn't be surprised that he was killed off for that reason."

Saber could only nod sadly. "Yes, I can see where you're coming from."

"For your own sake, I hope you never see him appear in front of you in this War. And believe me, you'll definitely know who he is if you see him. Although by that point, you're already as good as dead."

"Is he really that powerful?" Saber asked.

Gudako just nodded. "He's also the reason why Assassin died as well. The moment someone bearing the name of Hassan shows signs of weakness, he'll appear and take their head."

"I...was not aware of that."

"Well enough of that depressing talk, let's head back with the others."

Gudako and Artoria quietly slipped back into the room, where Kiritsugu was now reading over his collection of notes and maps about the ongoing war.

"What are our plans for today?" Artoria asked.

Kiritsugu leaned back into his chair.

"Normally, I'd send out some familiars to scout the city during the daytime. At least, that was the original plan, when I assumed that Saber would be the sole Servant on our side. But with Jack and Gudako, who have already proven their ability to conceal themselves, our strategy will change."

"So you want me and Jack to go outside and scout around?" Gudako asked.

"That's right. I'd actually like for you to go locate the site of a large explosion in the city that took place last night and see if you can find anything there."

"Sure, that won't be a problem. I'd feel better if Artoria and Emiya stayed with you two, and I'll take everyone else along."

Kiritsugu shared a look with Irisviel and gave a small nod.

"Very well then."

"Come on guys! Let's move out!" Gudako and her Servants astralized and phased through the wall as they made their way into the city.

* * *

"Why are you looking at the ground, mommy?"

"I'm looking for more Quartz, Jack! Wanna help me out?"

"Sure, mommy!"

Ishtar and Enkidu just looked at each other and shook their heads as Gudako and Jack had their eyes glued to the ground in case there was any Saint Quartz laying around.

"Looks like we're here." Enkidu called out as they neared a section of the city that was destroyed.

They quickly took stock of the surroundings. The area near the epicenter of the blast was completely flattened, while the outer areas were blasted into rubble.

"Wow, how the hell did the Church manage to cover this stuff up? More 'gas leaks'?" Gudako wondered out loud.

"Looks like the obnoxious goldy really did a number on this place." Ishtar commented.

"Look who we found, mommy!"

They ran over to Jack, who lifted off a large chunk of rubble and pulled out a little girl with brown hair in a twin-tail style.

Enkidu peered down and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Is that who I think it is?"

Ishtar ran over to look, and she gasped in surprise.

"Is that...me?"

Gudako looked down to see a younger version of Ishtar laying on the ground. She quickly channeled mana into her Chaldea uniform and cast an Emergency Heal on her.

The young girl sputtered and coughed for a while before regaining her bearings.

"Woah, are you alright?" Gudako asked.

"I...I think so. What happened?"

"There was, um, a gas leak! Yeah, that's exactly what happened." Gudako exclaimed with bravado.

The girl just looked back with strange expression on her face, obviously she wasn't believing this pathetic excuse at all.

 _Should I tell her the truth?_ Gudako asked through her mental link.

 _Yeah, you might as well go for it,_ Enkidu replied. _It's pretty obvious that she's magically aware anyways._

Gudako cleared her throat.

"Okay, fine. In reality there's this guy in golden armor who blew up this section of the city so he could kill those serial killers that were probably hiding in the sewers or something."

The girl just looked around and stared with her mouth hanging open.

"Hey, you know magecraft, right?" Gudako asked.

The girl just nodded, her face still stuck on an expression of pure shock.

"We're all friends here, okay? When you're around us, you don't need to worry about exposing your magecraft. Now how about we all sit down and introduce ourselves?" _And hopefully get some more information while we're at it._

 _You're quite cunning when you want to be, Master. Also, the coast is clear around here, so feel free to speak freely,_ Enkidu replied.

 _It's still a strange feeling to see a child with the same appearance as me,_ Ishtar complained.

Gudako sat down on the ground with Jack in her lap, while Ishtar took a sitting position but floated a few inches over the ground. Enkidu just sat down and leaned against a piece of rubble.

Jack patted an empty spot next to her, motioning the small girl to sit next to her.

"Alright, let's start off with some introductions! I'l go first. My name is Fujimaru Ritsuka, but you can just call me Gudako. My likes are Saint Quartz and rolling the gacha. My dislikes are Black Keys, duplicate Servants and weird muscle priests. My hobbies include farming for drops and getting bond levels." Gudako giggled lecherously at the last part. "Okay, you go ahead, Jackie."

"Our name is Jack. We like Mommy and our friends and sleeping in a warm bed. Our dislikes include sleeping in the alley and being abandoned. We like cutting people with our knives and we want to go in Mommy's belly again."

"My turn? Alright then. My name is Enkidu, a weapon of the Gods. I suppose I don't really have anything in particular that I like. Dislikes? I don't like rust and mold for some reason. In my free time I like to wander in the forests and stare at the sky. Your turn, Ishtar."

"Alright, lemme get my thoughts together...okay! I'm the Goddess Ishtar, of the harvest and prosperity. My likes? Fufufu...I'd rather not say, although I do enjoy having gems around for some reason. I don't like wastefulness and loss. Hobbies? I like to get rich quick- er, make money, and lord over puny hu- I mean, my worshipers."

The poor girl just stared at Gudako and her Servants with wide eyes.

"Come on, it's your turn now." Gudako urged.

"Um... my name is Tohsaka Rin. I like jewels and studying magecraft. I dislike idiotic people. In my free time I study my family magecraft as well as schoolwork."

Gudako stared at Rin incredulously.

"That's it? You sound like a really boring person."

"What?! Being a magus is hard work! I don't have time for games or other silly stuff."

"Yeah, okay. By the way, why were you even out here in the first place. We weren't expecting to dig out any survivors from the rubble."

"Well...I was looking for my friend Kotone... I heard she went missing so I went to search for her..." Rin replied sadly.

Gudako put her hand on Rin's shoulder as she gazed at the decimated surroundings. "I'm sorry to say this, but I highly doubt that she's around anymore."

Ishtar pulled Rin into a comforting hug as the poor girl started to cry.

 _I don't mind comforting her, but I have to say that holding the younger version of my host is a really strange feeling._ Ishtar commented.

 _I thought you would have gotten used to time travel through the singularities, but I guess not._ Gudako replied.

Ishtar gently wiped the tears off Rin's face. "Are you feeling better?"

"Y-yes..." Rin wiped off her remaining tears with her sleeve before taking a really long look at Ishtar's face.

Everyone tensed slightly as they waited for her reaction.

"Wow, you're really pretty!"

Unfortunately, Ishtar was a massive sucker for praise.

"O-oh? Of course! And you're really pretty too, you even tie up your hair the same way I do! Are you sure you're not a secret worshiper of mine?"

Gudako and Enkidu stood there dumbstruck while Ishtar was sucking up all the praise aimed at her.

"Now, now. We don't need to inflate Ishtar's ego any more than that!" Enkidu joked, and he received a bop to the head for his efforts.

"Hmph, not like my ego is as large as that obnoxious goldy anyways."

"Okay, everyone, we should probably move out now. The sooner we finish, the sooner we can decide on what to do with the girl."

"Where are we going?" Rin asked as everyone began to move out.

"We're heading toward the center of the impact. Hopefully we'll find something useful over there." Gudako replied.

"After we're done, we'll see if we can take you home or we have to figure something out." Ishtar replied as she lifted the young girl into her arms and started floating on her boat, Manna.

"Wow, you really are a Goddess!" Rin's eyes went even wider as she watched herself float over the ground.

"If you don't stop praising her, she'll never be quiet when we get home!" Enkidu laughed as Ishtar just glared at him.

The group silently made their way toward the epicenter of the blast. There was a large crater, and inside was apparently the remains of the sewers underneath the streets.

Gudako peered into the crater before jumping down. It was mostly rubble, but after a bit of digging she recovered a treasure chest. She grabbed the chest and had Enkidu pull her back to the surface with his Chains of Heaven.

Everyone gathered around Gudako as she opened the chest. Inside was the Prelati's Spellbook. Gudako reached inside and pulled the dusty book out.

"Uh, guys. Is this thing supposed to shake uncontrollably when I hold it?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Woah!"

The Spellbook in Gudako's hands shook violently before escaping her grasp. It fell to the ground before opening itself and flipping through its pages rapidly while blowing magical energy everywhere.

"Hey, isn't this bad? I thought magecraft was supposed to be hidden from the public, but this thing is blasting mana everywhere!" Gudako shouted.

"Get back!" Enkidu unleashed his chains to quickly pull everyone back as the surrounding air was becoming saturated with magical energy. Suddenly, whatever human remains were left in the ruined surroundings were suddenly turned into crawling tentacle horrors, drinking in the magic from a dimension beyond the Root as they all formed into an amorphous blob.

"Oh hell, I didn't sign up for this. Are we really going to fight this thing is broad daylight?!" Gudako shouted.

"The Association is gonna be all over us!" Rin screamed.

"Calm down! If we don't put this thing down, the Association will be the least of our concerns!" Ishtar shouted. "Besides, I'll make sure to protect you, because we're the same, you know?"

Rin could only nod, but on some fundamental level she knew that they were the same person for some reason. Meeting an alternate self is always a strange experience.

 _Irisviel, can you send Emiya and Artoria over here?_ Gudako asked her Master through their link. _We're in a huge mess right now._

 _What's happening? There's magical energy everywhere, people are going to notice!_

 _We'll try and kill this thing as soon as possible, just make sure those two get here as fast as they can! Actually, you know what? I have a faster way._

Using her Master abilities, she summoned Emiya Alter and forcibly pulled Artoria to her side as a Support Servant.

 _Eh? What did you do, Kiritsugu is panicking right now!_

 _I'll explain later. Don't worry, Saber is here with me!_

Gudako cut off the connection as she faced the gigantic tentacle monster.

"Gudako? What is that?!" Artoria yelled as she stared at the giant tentacle thing, which was exuding a sense of _wrongness_.

"Get ready for battle! It's a foreign monster from a different dimension!"Gudako quickly began issuing orders as the Servants got into formation.

"Ishtar, Enkidu, Jack, you three are in the frontlines! Emiya, Artoria, watch the girl!"

Emiya's eyes widened a bit in recognition as his eyes saw the small form of a terrified Rin.

Gudako used her Command Cards to control her three frontline Servants while the two in the back fought against the rampaging tentacles and kept them away from Rin, but it wasn't enough. The tentacles honestly weren't very strong compared to her own maxed out Servants, but the damn thing wouldn't die when it was killed.

While her Servants were pummeling the tentacle horror to no avail, Gudako's hands were hovering over Ishtar's Command Card for An Gal Tā Kigal Shē. Seeing no other way out of her current predicament, she could only sigh in resignation as she grabbed the card.

"Are you sure, Master? In broad daylight?" Ishtar questioned.

"Well, it's not like we have much of a choice. And using Enkidu's Noble Phantasm would be even worse since his would be even _more_ noticeable."

Excalibur was strong, yes, but ultimately it was a sword beam and was lacking in the explosion department. Also, the beam would keep going in a straight line and probably hit a populated area, especially since the landscape here is almost completely flat and there were no obstructions in the way to stop it. It totally wasn't because Gudako wanted to see huge explosions like the little psychopath that she was instead of a boring sword beam, nope. Explosions were way cooler, after all.

Enkidu's Enuma Elish wasn't exactly discreet, with the gigantic chain flying through the sky. Well, Ishtar's mountain-destroying Noble Phantasm wasn't discreet either, but at least it wouldn't alert everyone on the whole damn planet when it was used, it would probably just alert everyone on this side of the planet. Wait a minute, that wasn't much better. Oh well. Also, did I mention that explosions were cool? Explosions are cool.

Gudako chained two of Ishtar's Buster commands with her Noble Phantasm as her commands were finalized.

"Very well, Master." Her usually crimson eyes turned bright gold as she unleashed Maanna to full capacity.

"Here we go, Maanna! Gate open!" She entered a gate that reached into outer space as she held the very concept of the planet Venus in her hand.

"From the great heavens towards the great earth!" As Venus glowed with a bright light, she loaded it into Maanna and pulled back like drawing a bowstring, stretching Venus into a vague arrow shape as she took aim.

"Be crushed to pieces, **An Gal Tā Kigal Shē!** "

A massive beam from outer space descended onto the battlefield as it painted the world completely white. This was the power of a Divine Spirit, being able to use an actual planet as an ultimate conceptual weapon to annihilate the enemy. As the white light died down, the entire area was painted in flames. Emiya and Artoria had seen the impending attack and used their bodies to shield Rin, who was completely in shock at the ridiculous explosion. Thanks to Gudako's powers, there was no such thing as friendly fire as long as she was around. It was like any attack would simply phase through their body if it was coming from an ally.

The tentacles were all but annihilated. The Textbook of the Sunken Spiral Castle still clung stubbornly to existence, however, as it had used all the tentacles to shield itself from the explosion. The wretched book writhed as it channeled more mana from the Outer Dimension in an attempt to conjure more tentacles.

"Oh, hell no!" Gudako had enough. She clutched her Servant Strengthening Device in her hand as she ran toward the damn book and tried to stab the thing herself.

"Master, no!" Enkidu shouted as a tentacle suddenly shot out and pulled the unsuspecting girl into the book.

As a weapon created by the ancient gods, he was well aware that the cursed book led to a forbidden place not even the gods themselves would dare tread. The place the book would undoubtedly lead to made even the Second Magic, the Kaleidoscope, look like child's play. Visiting a parallel world with the Kaleidoscope could be compared to taking a short walk to your neighbor's house next door, while going to where the book was linked to was like visiting a galaxy that was a few million lightyears away.

It was a one in a trillion chance that Prelati even got the book to connect to such a place, it was a realm that no sentient being from this reality should ever enter, and anyone unfortunate enough to get dragged inside would likely have their minds instantly broken by the utterly incomprehensible existence known as the Outer Dimension, a place foreign to the point that it _lay beyond even the Root_ , that was how foreign it was.

"Did she...do you think she'll make it back from _that_ place?" Ishtar asked as she flew back down to the ground with an uncharacteristically worried expression on her face. As a goddess, even she instinctively knew that there were places off limits even to her.

"I honestly don't know," Enkidu replied. "but we have no choice but to believe in our crazy little Master, our Insane Gudako."


	14. Chapter 14

**Warning, excessive dose of insanity and rule-breaking will happen in this chapter.**

* * *

"Get off me!"

Gudako repeatedly plunged her knife into the tentacle that was grabbing her till it let go. She started sawing through the tentacle and pulled the remains off of her body before examining where she was.

It looked like she was in some sort of black void, not unlike outer space, except there were no stars at all. There was no concept of up or down, left or right. It was eerily silent. Clutching her knife in one hand and the dead tentacle in the other, she marched forward.

It didn't take very long before she saw something floating in the middle of the void. It could only be described as a massive bright blue vortex of light that simply floated there in the middle of nothing. For a while, Gudako simply stood there, mesmerized by the pretty blue glow.

She reached out and tried to poke it with her knife. To her astonishment, the knife seemed to melt into the swirl the moment it made physical contact.

 **"You should not be here."**

Suddenly a loud voice seemed to ring out from all around her. It was as though the World itself was talking to her.

"Um, where am I? One second I was fighting and all of a sudden I'm here."

 **"This is the Outside of the World. Humans call it the Root. Some call it Akasha."**

"Wow, people spend their whole lives fighting for this? I was kinda expecting more."

The voice stayed silent.

"So...can I go back now?"

 **"You have touched the Swirl of the Root, albeit indirectly, and yet here you stand unscathed. Any being under the Domain of the Root should have been dissolved as soon as they touched it, but you are still here. A being who has touched the Root and survived cannot be allowed to return to the World alive."**

"Oi, oi...I don't really get all this magus mumbo-jumbo, but can't we sort this out peacefully?" Gudako tried to talk her way out of this mess. She may have fought demons, but this was on a whole other level. Trespassing upon the Outside of the World wasn't something one could simply talk their way out of.

She got no reply, however, as a full army of nameless Counter Guardians, all clad in red and black, suddenly materialized out of nowhere. Some were armed with swords, some had bows, several of them had more modern weaponry like guns, others wielded their magecraft in the name of protecting humanity.

They all stepped forward to eradicate the threat to the world as per their orders, but when they saw Gudako's face, they all seemed to hesitate.

After all, she was the one who fought through the Singularities in the name of saving humanity. Suddenly being ordered by the World itself to slay the savior of humanity, even Alaya would hesitate.

That hesitation was quickly erased as the World snatched the control of the Counter Guardians away from Alaya. The collective will of humanity could do nothing in the face of the Root seeking to eradicate this girl who by all means shouldn't even exist anymore. Compared to the vast reaches of the universe, humans were only one species on one planet; in the grand scheme of things they really were insignificant.

Gudako quickly turned around and began running as the Guardians began their attack. Right now they were but mindless killing machines with no free will. Arrows, bullets,and magecraft, she dodged them all while running as fast as her legs could carry her. She could hear a supercharged arrow flying towards her. Out of sheer instinct she parried the projectile with the tentacle she was holding.

Much to her surprise, the arrow seemed to immediately break down on contact with the tentacle.

A Counter Guardian wielding a battleaxe suddenly caught up with Gudako and swung at her neck with the intention of decapitating her. She quickly ducked before swinging her tentacle at the Guardian's face like a whip. To her surprise, the man started screaming before he collapsed and died, his body breaking apart into motes of light. Counter Guardians could not die permanently, the Counter Force would just put them back together and send them out again.

Apparently the tentacle did some horrific mind-bending attack. There was no other way to explain it, strong as Gudako was, a slimy tentacle shouldn't have the strength to harm anyone empowered by the World itself. Clearly its foreign origin was able to harm beings that spawned from the Root.

The Counter Guardians continued to chase her down, unperturbed by the death of their comrade. Gudako continued to duck and weave as she avoided countless projectiles, using the tentacle to block what she could not, and smacked anyone who got too close. On multiple occasions she literally jumped into the Root to get them off her back, as her pursuers would immediately freeze up and back away whenever they got within a certain distance from the Root.

 **"You are an abomination that doesn't belong in the World! Stop running and be destroyed!"**

"Like hell that's going to happen!" Gudako screamed back at the Root as she jumped back inside to dodge another salvo of explosions that would kill any lesser being. The Counter Guardians quickly wizened up to Gudako's antics as they began to only use long-ranged attacks to avoid getting smacked by her tentacle whip. Every time she jumped into the Root, it would try to break her down and reclaim her existence since anything born from Akasha would be absorbed by Akasha the moment they touched it. It was the reason why True Magicians stopped short of touching it even when it was within arms reach, since no one knew what would happen if they did.

The only logical conclusion was that Gudako was some sort of eldritch being that defied the laws of the World, as the Root couldn't reclaim someone that didn't spawn from it in the first place.

The chase dissolved into a bizarre game of whack-a-mole, as every time the Counter Guardians fired another round of planet-busting explosions, Gudako would duck into the Root and swim around in the blue light, before emerging from it yet again. She would run a short distance before the Guardians attacked yet again, and the cycle continued as she inched closer and closer to the dark side of Akasha, which was basically the rear end of the Root. Every trip she made into the Root would cause more and more knowledge to bleed into her mind, but she cared little about the fact that she was currently living the wet dream of all Magi everywhere and was more concerned about getting away alive and in one piece.

Eventually she realized that the Counter Guardians seemed to have stopped chasing her as she swam to the surface of the Root, only to pale as she realized that the Throne of Heroes was looming over her. Normally an unobservable place that only existed as a metaphysical presence, her constant leeching of knowledge from the Root allowed her to perceive the Throne with her own two eyes.

"Oh boy." was all she could say as she watched actual Heroic Spirits start to swarm out of the Throne. These weren't small fragments of Heroic Spirits stuffed into a cheap Servant container, these were the _actual_ heroes themselves, free to use whatever Noble Phantasms they wanted as they were unbound by puny class containers with the World itself acting as their Master.

The Heroic Servants were being used like puppets by the World, and they were blasting Gudako with their Noble Phantasms without any sense of restraint. Fortunately for her, repeatedly swimming around in the Root gave her a sort of instinct to dodge whatever they planned to throw at her.

Gudako was forced to dive into the Root once more as she barely dodged a full-powered Enuma Elish from Gilgamesh, an attack that went far beyond what Gilgamesh could do as a Servant, and would have certainly cleaved apart Heaven and Earth, but fortunately they were in a black void so there was no such thing as collateral damage. Unfortunately her clothes didn't survive the incoming shockwave as they were basically vaporized on the spot, leaving her to run for her life while stark naked.

Swimming around in the blue light of the Root was like diving in the ocean, except the longer you stayed the more knowledge would force its way into your very existence, and anything that originally came from the Root would simply melt away as they were assimilated into the endless sea of knowledge.

"Woah, is that my knife?" Apparently her extended trip into the Root was starting to give her the ability to see individual objects floating in the Origin such as unborn souls, True Magic, and the history of dead people whose souls were sent back to the Root upon their deaths. But she didn't care about insignificant things like that, she just wanted her knife back, and so she plucked it out of the Root.

Taking a quick look at it, it still looked like an ordinary kitchen knife, except the blade carried a faint blue glow. Using Structural Analysis (a spell that had forced its way into her mind), she learned that the knife no longer had a name and that cutting or stabbing anything that was alive with it would send them on a one way trip back to Akasha.

"Wait, couldn't I already do that with a normal knife?" she questioned, as stabbing someone with a regular knife would indeed send them back to Akasha (translation:they died).

She swam back to the surface of the Root, only to see Artoria charging up an Excalibur.

" **Excalibur!** The golden sword beam shot forward, its immense heat and magical energy would immediately vaporize anything it touched.

"Haaaaaaaaaa!" Gudako pressed against the beam with her knife, instinctively drawing upon the mana of the Root itself. Normally a magus would only be able to output a certain amount of magical energy depending on their Magic Circuits, even if they were hooked up to an infinite mana supply. But since Gudako had physically bathed in the Root, such things no longer applied to her.

She pressed against the beam with all of her strength until it gave in to her resistance, and she managed to deflect it in a different direction.

"Gandr!" She pointed her finger at the incoming Heroic Spirits and fired. The spell automatically drank in the mana of the Root. It look literally no time to prepare as the supercharged Gandr flew towards her enemies. Instead of stunning them like she expected it to, it set off a massive explosion, complete with mushroom cloud.

"Holy shit!" Gudako exclaimed as she certainly wasn't expecting a nuclear explosion to result from a simple Gandr.

 **"Hey, stop using the mana in the Root! No one gave you permission!"**

"No one gave you permission to kill me either!" Gudako blew a raspberry at the World before running off. Slowly but surely, she was reaching the dark side of Akasha. No one had ever made it this far, and going beyond even the Outside of the World was completely uncharted territory.

Gudako had absolutely no qualms about blatantly abusing the power of the Root as she mercilessly spammed nuke-level Gandrs at her pursuers until she finally reached the Boundary of the World. It looked like a gigantic black gate that seemed to blend into the black void that was the Outside of the World.

She stopped when she noticed that all of the Heroic Spirits had stopped following her as she reached the Boundary.

"You're not going to stop me?" Gudako asked.

 **"What you do beyond the Boundary of the World is none of our concern. Congratulations, you are the first being to have ever reached this far. What lays beyond that gate, not even the Root knows. Just know if you try to enter the World again, you won't be getting a peaceful welcome."**

"Oh, I think I have a good idea of what lies beyond the Gate, if those tentacles were anything to go by. Just watch, I'll claim the powers in the Outer World and use it to get back home."

She remembered that one of her Foreigner-class Servants, Abigail Williams, had the keys to enter the Outer World. She didn't have something as convenient as a key so she would have to find her own way in.

Suddenly the tentacle that Gudako was holding on to all this time began writhing as it got closer to the Boundary.

She stabbed the tentacle into the Gate, and stood back as it began shaking. Slowly, the Gate opened up as an alien substance began gushing out from within. It superficially looked like water, but it felt like a liquid and a gas at the same time. It was utterly incomprehensible as it didn't look like ordinary matter at all.

With a heavy heart, she swore that she would find her way back into her original world before stepping beyond the Gate.


	15. Chapter 15- interlude 1

_Interlude 1- A New World_

 **Pain.**

It wasn't clear what Gudako was after the fight against the Root. Originally she was just a regular human, and though she turned out to become an amazing Master of the highest caliber, her ability as a magus was only substandard.

 **Pain.**

Some higher power decided that she was needed as a Servant to fight in the fourth Fuyuki Holy Grail War, so she was summoned as an irregular eighth Servant of the war, with a custom-made class container to boot. All was well until that damn tentacle dragged her to a forbidden place.

 **Pain.**

She fought against the World itself, using her ability to subvert logic and defy the natural laws of the world. To escape into a higher plane of existence, she was forced to dive into the Root, where she ceased to be a human and a Servant.

 **Pain-** "Oh God it burns!"

Gudako picked herself up off the water? she was currently standing on/submerged in. Apparently the matter that her body was previously composed of didn't want to play nice in this plane of existence. Her body was reformed with foreign matter the moment she stepped beyond the Gate. Piece by piece, her body was disassembled and reassembled, starting with her feet and working its way up. By the time the process reached her brain, she was clinging on to her sense of self through unholy amounts of willpower and in the end she managed to survive the conversion without having her body dissolve.

Looking at her surroundings, she saw that she was currently submerged in what looked like an ocean of water? that was liquid, gaseous, and solid at the same time. She could jump like she was on dry land, but when she reached the apex of her jump, she wouldn't fall back down. It was like being suspended in midair, but she could freely walk around regardless. The way to go back down was to swim as though you were swimming on land, which would somehow pull her down until she hit a solid object.

Gudako quickly examined her body.

Clothes? Nope, still no clothes. Looks like she'll have to run around buck naked.

Body? Arms, legs, torso, head, boobs, hair, organs, all the other important bits still seemed to be around.

Weapon? Her knife somehow survived the crossing of planes. With a quick structural analysis, she was rewarded with a small headache for her efforts. The only info she was able to get was that the blade no longer carried any special properties since it wasn't connected to the Root of her homeworld anymore, and that it was made out of strange matter that looked solid but behaved like a liquid. The moment she tried to read what it was actually made of, she would get a headache.

Her phone survived too, albeit it had escaped its three-dimensional shackles by turning into a mind-bending fourth-dimensional tesseract that hurt her eyes just by looking at it. It looked like a cube inside a cube, and every time she looked at it from a different angle, it looked like it changed shape. When she tried to unfold it, it would unfurl into eight regular cubes, which could further unfold into 64 squares, which was a damn lot of screen space. At least the contents of the phone stayed intact, although running around with no pockets was rather inconvenient.

"Hmm, I wonder if I could project clothing with the knowledge I stole from the Root?"

Her mental trigger for magecraft had changed from "pressing a button" to "diving into an ocean of blue" to reflect her visit to the Root, where she had dived into the endless sea of knowledge multiple times to survive against the onslaught of the World.

Channeling some magical energy, she tried to project a set of clothing but failed. Even with the knowledge from the Root to project any object it still failed. The answer was simple: stuff like cotton, polyester, nylon, and other materials simply didn't exist here. Until she studied some extra-planar materials she couldn't project anything here.

She shrugged it off, as being naked was the least of her concerns in this new world. Picking up her liquid-knife and tesseract-phone, she walked past a triangular rock that somehow had two right angles and bravely marched towards her quest to b̶u̶l̶l̶y̶ conquer the eldritch beings in this world.


	16. Chapter 16

This world followed its own set of weird and incomprehensible set of rules. It didn't take very long to realize that the vast majority of the knowledge in the Root was utterly useless here.

The journey in the underwater? voids was long and boring. It was basically a huge ocean that she was in, except she could walk, jump, hover, and swim in the bizarre substance that this "ocean" was made up of. The only thing Gudako could see along the ground besides strange rocks that defied geometry were weird metallic 2D seaweeds that she could drink to hydrate herself.

Figuring it out was a trying experience. For starters, the seaweed was 2D, meaning that if you looked at it from the wrong side you could easily miss it since it was just a single line. Other than that, it was like holding a totally flat piece of seaweed, except biting it was like biting a chunk of steel. She couldn't eat it, but she could somehow drink it by holding it to her lips like she was drinking out of a water bottle. The whole thing would liquefy and she could chug it down with no problem. It was weird and no one knows what happens to the metallic exterior or if the tasteless liquid was even water, but she didn't question it since she was still alive and kicking. She ended up picking several of these strange plants and stored them away in her phone.

After several hours of walking and swimming, she finally came across signs of intelligent life.

There were still random rocks scattered across the ground, but there were a few rocks that looked like they had been deliberately arranged in a circular fashion. For the first time since arriving here, Gudako was feeling excited.

Carefully sneaking around while using the rocks as cover, she was greeted with the sight of around 20 short fish-men dancing around a small whirlpool. They had greyish-green, slimy froglike skin, webbed hands and feet, a white belly and the head of a fish. Also, they were **unbearably ugly** **.** If a normal person laid their eyes on one of these freaks of nature, they would lose consciousness for a few seconds as their brains turned themselves off to avoid remembering what they looked like.

They danced and flopped around the small whirlpool while chanting "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" over and over again in an incredibly grating and obnoxious voice.

"Raaargh!" Gudako was so annoyed by the obnoxious chanting and their ugliness that she leapt out of her hiding spot with her knife raised. They were so absorbed in their chanting and dancing that they didn't even notice the threat as Gudako shoved her knife into one of their heads.

To her surprise, the liquid-like blade made the fish-man's head explode when she stabbed with it. Trying to attack with the knife was like blasting someone with a super high pressure blast of water, with enough force it would force its way through nearly anything.

"Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!"

Apparently even the loss of one of their brethren wasn't enough to stop their chanting and dancing as they simply carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Gudako kept stabbing, and it took no less than five deaths before they realized that something was amiss.

"Cthulhu R'lyeh fhtagn!"

She found out really quickly that the fish-men were horrible at fighting. Their movements were clumsy, and their combat style was closer to mindless flailing than any sort of proper attack. If it weren't for the fact that they were literally ugly enough to knock out a regular human, Gudako was fairly sure a trained fighter could take them out.

"How do you like getting fhtagn'd up, you creeps?!"

It didn't take long for a few swift cuts with her knife to put them down, spraying their green blood everywhere.

It couldn't even qualify as a decent workout, she was expecting a fight but instead she got an impromptu fish-filleting session.

Her stomach growled as she stared at the dead fish-men. It had been a long time since she had a meal. She was Japanese and raw seafood wasn't anything weird to her, surely some eldritch sashimi couldn't hurt?

 _Several minutes later..._

She stuffed another chunk of meat into her mouth and washed it down with some seaweed-water from earlier. It didn't seem to taste funny. If anything, it tasted bland, but she would rather taste something bland than something disgusting. At least she didn't keel over from food poisoning, so she mentally added fish-men to her (admittedly short) list of edible abominations.

 _At least the knowledge from the Root on how to fillet a fish wasn't wasted,_ she thought to herself. How ironic how only the mundane knowledge from the Root was actually helping her right now, like filleting a fish and how to handle a knife. The fancy stuff like True Magic and forbidden magecrafts? Totally useless in the Outer World, basically none of that knowledge actually worked here. If a magus saw her right now they would probably be having an aneurysm.

Picking up her knife, she filleted the remaining fish-men and stored their meat and bones inside of her phone for future use. She raised an eyebrow as the screen referred to the two items as "Deep One bones" and "Deep One fillet".

"So they have a name. Who knew?" she muttered to herself. "Well, might as well get some sleep."

The waters? above were getting darker. It seemed that even in this foreign world, there was still a concept of day and night. Normally in a survival situation like this, she would make a fire, but there was nothing to burn here.

Gudako picked out a flat-looking slab of rock and lay down on it. It was rather uncomfortable since it was cold and bumpy, and she was still naked. Hopefully she could kill and skin something tomorrow so she wouldn't have to run around in her birthday suit, getting splattered by blood was rather unpleasant.

Making sure to not sleep too deeply, she closed her eyes as her chaotic mind began to drift off...

* * *

She woke up two seconds later in front of the biggest _thing_ she had ever seen in her life. It was a writhing mass of utter incomprehensibility, floating in a sea of void.

 **"Fujimaru Ritsuka,** " the thing spoke with its voice filled with amusement, **"or should I say, 'Master'?"**

A single purple eye emerged from the mass of chaos as Gudako tried to remember why all of this seemed so familiar. Suddenly it hit her like a truck.

"You're that gate guy living in Abigail!"

A big, terrifying smile formed as a mouth formed, then another, then suddenly an uncountable amount of eyes and mouths formed as the being revealed itself in a barely comprehensible form to Gudako.

 **"I believe they referred to me as Sut-Typhon when I was first summoned into that girl, though it was just a nonexistent fraction of my power. Here, you can call me Yog-Sothoth."**

 _Yog-Sothoth knows the Gate._  
 _Yog-Sothoth is the Gate._  
 _Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the Gate._  
 _Past, Present and Future, all is one in Yog-Sothoth._

Those words etched themselves into her psyche when suddenly, Gudako could see Yog-Sothoth in all of his tentacled glory. It was an unbelievably large mass of gray tentacles, purple eyes and mouths, its body composed of an unknown substance. In front of this Outer God, she might as well not exist, that was how insignificant she was in front of it.

 **"As expected of the girl who can call herself the Master of even a minuscule fragment of me, you didn't immediately scream and die when you saw my form. I will tell you this much, no one is capable of seeing the true form of Yog-Sothoth. The fact that you can even vaguely see my shape is astounding."**

Gudako could only nod dumbly.

 **"You might wonder why I have called you here, girl. Did you think I wouldn't notice when you crossed one of the Gates? I don't think you truly understand how utterly improbable it is to cross through one of the Gates without a key."**

Gudako sifted through her memories as she didn't recall ever receiving an offer from an Outer God before, until she suddenly realized a certain line Abigail had said when she had fully ascended her.

 _"Now come, Master! To my world! Enjoy the view of this boundary! If it's you, you'll surely… be able to withstand it." (her 4th ascension line)_

"Well at the time, I didn't really plan on coming here and meet you in person..."

 **"Of course, of course. It's not every day a mere human manages to reach this place, such as yourself. Most of their minds crack within the first few milliseconds. That is, if they even manage to make it into this world in the first place."**

Suddenly a Gate materialized in front of Gudako.

 **"Would you like a glimpse of that which lies beyond the boundary of dreams and reality? Your desires, I have found them good, and I find it proper to show you a view of the Ultimate Mystery, where even the smallest glance of the Truth would blast a feeble soul to pieces. You still have the free will to deny the Truth and leave, and I'll simply send you back to where you were before you came here."**

Gudako could only stand still as her mind was in full hyperdrive mode. The chance to see what was basically the equivalent of the Root of the Outer Dimension. She could handle the Root of the lower world without much issue, it honestly wasn't too bad, but seeing the Truth of this world could literally break her soul. She didn't want her soul to get blasted to pieces, but on the other hand, she took offence to having her soul get called "feeble".

Her mind was saying no; crazy as she was, this was a completely different level of insanity. So she settled for saying no for now.

Yog-Sothoth seemed to nod in approval at her answer. Rushing into things was never good, it was better to take things one step at a time.

 **"Very well, then. I see you've thought things out clearly. Perhaps next time."**

"Wait, what do you mean by next time?"

 **"I did promise that you would enjoy the view of the boundary. I have faith that when you do open the Gate...you'll surely be able to withstand it."**

Gudako simply stayed silent.

 **"Take some words of wisdom before you leave. The World is a simple place, it is You who is the bizarre one."**

Somehow that simple sentence gave her a lot to think about.

 **"Now, off you go. I'll leave a small gift for you when you wake up."**

A gray tentacle reached out and tapped Gudako on the forehead, and she immediately began to black out.

"Wait...can you...get me some clothes..." she groaned out before her body dissolved into the void.

 **"I'm sure you can handle it yourself."**

* * *

Gudako awoke with a start on the slab of rock she was sleeping on. She looked down on her own naked body in disappointment.

"Dammit, it didn't give me any clothes."

She tried to get up but was forced to lay back down on the rock again from a throbbing headache.

 _Per Adonai Elohim, Adonai Jehova_  
 _Adonai Sabaoth, Metraton Ou Agla Methon,_  
 _Verbum Pythonicum, Mysterium Salamandrae_  
 _Cenventus Sylvorum, Antra Gnomorum_  
 _Demonia Coeli God, Almonsin Gibor_  
 _Jehoshua Evam Zariathnatmik, Veni, Veni, Veni!_

Some strange words forced themselves into her mind all of a sudden.

"Is this the gift it was talking about...?" Gudako muttered to herself.

Even if she wanted to forget those words, she couldn't. It was like they had burned themselves into her brain. Judging by the strange words, it sounded like an aria of some sort. Six lines of words, she idly noted. Longer than a five-line aria and it looked incomplete. She could only wonder what sort of spell it was. The incantation was unlike anything she had ever seen, and she had seen _a lot_ of different incantations with all the Caster Servants she had running around Chaldea. This was probably a first step towards using Outer magecraft.

"Well, time to get this show on the road," she said to herself as she pulled her body up and grabbed her phone and knife. It was time for another long day.


	17. Chapter 17

_There was this really big but normal-looking octopus that I killed and ate. I didn't think I'd see any ordinary animals here, but it seems I was wrong. After I ate the octopus, I felt my mind tingle. I instinctively reached out with my magic and was able to project an okay copy of a tentacle. I wasn't sure what projecting a tentacle was good for, I tried to eat it but the projection broke when I did, so much for infinite food._

 _I ended up projecting more tentacles and used alteration to make them into something I could wear. Nothing major, I flattened some tentacles out and wore it over my breasts and lower body. It didn't cover much but it was still better than going around naked. Who knew tentacles could be useful like that?_

 _I spent the entire day marching forward and killed some more fish-men, Deep Ones, I believe they were called, chanting something about "Cthulhu fhtagn". They didn't do any better than the ones I killed yesterday, and I ended up filleting them and stored them away in my phone. Eventually I walked far enough that I could see this weird city in the distance, but it's getting late, so I'll go sleep now. I wonder how everyone back home is doing?_

* * *

Gudako woke up in front of Yog-Sothoth yet again, in all his tentacled glory.

"Um, hi again." Gudako greeted.

 **"I see you're close to reaching R'lyeh."**

"Is it that weird city I saw in the distance earlier? It looks like it used to be on the surface, but it sank."

 **"You might know it as the Sunken Spiral Castle. When the stars are right, the city will rise and Great Cthulhu will walk the Earth."**

"Wait, I know that name. That's the name of Gilles' spellbook! That damn thing dragged me here!"

 **"That book he holds is but a portion of the original book that lays in R'lyeh. Somehow, a mortal of Earth managed to transcribe some of its contents onto clay tablets around 13000 BC in your human years, and it has been translated into several languages since then. The knowledge contained within cannot be used to its full potential unless you read it in its native R'lyean language; a very significant portion of its' contents is immediately lost when translated to a human language."**

"What about Cthulhu? Is he going to take over Earth?"

 **"The stars won't be aligned for a very long time, you needn't worry about that."**

"Wait, if the Castle can lead to Earth...could I use it to get back home?" After all, if Cthulhu was able to rise and invade Earth, then surely she could use the same path to get home.

 **"The path back to your home planet in the correct parallel world would only open when the stars are aligned, so that path will not be open to you."**

"Aw... is there another way for me to return home? The Root keeps blocking me when I tried."

 **"Once you learn how to properly use the magic of this realm, you can probably overcome the Root. Another way would be to peer into the Gate that leads to truth, or to seek out the truth through other means."**

"So...am I supposed to seek out Cthulhu and ask him for knowledge? He won't eat me, will he?"

 **"If you can wake him up and he thinks you're interesting, I have no doubt he'll show you what you're looking for. And don't worry about being harmed; he's my grandson, after all."**

"W-what?!"

 **"We have a rather complex family tree. There are a few beings that hide on your planet Earth, though they do a very good job of keeping themselves hidden. Most of us stay in our own realms far, far away from human comprehension."**

 _By that which is not to be named,_  
 _By Azathoth,_  
 _By Nyarlathotep,_  
 _By Shub-Niggurath,_  
 _By the two snakes,_  
 _By that which created the Voids,_  
 _By Kadath in the Cold Waste,_  
 _By the Plateu of Leng,_  
 _By Yuggoth,_  
 _By the moon-lens,_  
 _By the inprisoned,_  
 _By the free,_  
 _By Samas, Gibil and Nusuku,_  
 _By the High Name of Ea,_  
 _By the Seven Demons,_  
 _Guardian, let the Gate be opened!_

More words seemed to bleed into Gudako's mind.

"I-I see..."

 **"Well, it seems our time here has come to a close. It is quite nice to have someone to talk to. Most mortals simply call on me to help them with their silly little rituals, they never make time for a bit of small talk."**

"How do I call to you when I'm awake, then?"

 **"I'll give you the second half of the spell when you wake up. You should already know the words to the first half."**

Gudako just nodded in response as a tentacle reached out to her and tapped her on the forehead.

 **"Very well then, I'll see you soon..."**

* * *

 _The next day_

Gudako was awoken with a huge headache as more lines to the aria etched themselves into her brain.

"Ah, god my head... is this the entire spell?"

She looked at her surroundings to make sure nothing was going to sneak up on her before she sat down to try out her new spells.

"Per Adonai Elohim, Adonai Jehova  
Adonai Sabaoth, Metraton Ou Agla Methon,  
Verbum Pythonicum, Mysterium Salamandrae  
Cenventus Sylvorum, Antra Gnomorum  
Demonia Coeli God, Almonsin Gibor  
Jehoshua Evam Zariathnatmik, Veni, Veni, Veni!"

Instead of her magic circuits activating like usual, she felt like her soul was reaching into the abyss.

"Hear me!  
King of Infinite Space!  
Planetmover!  
The Foundation of Fastness!  
Ruler of Earthquakes!  
The Vanquisher of Terror!  
The Creator of Panic!  
Destroyer!  
The Shining Victor!  
Son of Chaos and the Void!  
The Guardian of the Abyss!  
God of the Outermost Darkness!  
Lord of Dimensions!  
Riddle-knower!  
Guardian of The Secrets!  
Lord of the Labyrinth!  
Master of the Angles!  
God of the Whiporwills!  
Omegapoint!  
Lord of the Gate!  
Opener of the Way!  
The Oldest!  
All-in-One!  
The One by Life Prolonged!  
Umr At-Tawil!  
Iak-Sathath!  
YOG-SOTHOTH NAFL-ack!"

She ran into one small problem.

How do you pronounce 'nafl'fthagn'?

She ended up spending the next hour trying to pronounce the word "nafl'fthagn". She knew what the word was supposed to sound like since Yog-Sothoth had been kind enough to inject the knowledge straight into her head, but saying it out loud was entirely different. In a way, it was similar to Divine Words in her home dimension, where modern humans could no longer use the powerful words for spellcasting since they were literally unable to pronounce them anymore.

Eventually she could pronounce the word when something clicked in her brain and it all made sense, and it quickly became second nature as she could feel magical energy flare up every time she said it.

 _Okay, deep breaths._

"Per Adonai Elohim, Adonai Jehova  
Adonai Sabaoth, Metraton Ou Agla Methon,  
Verbum Pythonicum, Mysterium Salamandrae  
Cenventus Sylvorum, Antra Gnomorum  
Demonia Coeli God, Almonsin Gibor  
Jehoshua Evam Zariathnatmik, Veni, Veni, Veni!

Hear me!  
King of Infinite Space!  
Planetmover!  
The Foundation of Fastness!  
Ruler of Earthquakes!  
The Vanquisher of Terror!  
The Creator of Panic!  
Destroyer!  
The Shining Victor!  
Son of Chaos and the Void!  
The Guardian of the Abyss!  
God of the Outermost Darkness!  
Lord of Dimensions!  
Riddle-knower!  
Guardian of The Secrets!  
Lord of the Labyrinth!  
Master of the Angles!  
God of the Whiporwills!  
Omegapoint!  
Lord of the Gate!  
Opener of the Way!  
The Oldest!  
All-in-One!  
The One by Life Prolonged!  
Umr At-Tawil!  
Iak-Sathath!  
YOG-SOTHOTH NAFL'FTHAGN!  
Your servant calls upon you!"

The surroundings shook violently as if an earthquake struck, but it was gone as fast as it came.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

 _ **Yes, I can hear you.**_

"Woah!"

 _ **You don't have to speak out loud, just think what you want to say.**_

 _Okay, got it._

 _ **As I expected, you pulled it off on your own. Usually that ritual that takes at least half a dozen people. Though due to your current inexperience with Outer magic, you cannot summon any part of me physically.**_

 _Wow, really? I felt like my body was sinking into some sort of pit when I did it. I just had trouble pronouncing 'nafl'fthagn', but after that there was no problem._

 _ **Interesting...only beings connected to the Truth can draw power from the abyss. Not too surprising since you haven't been driven insane from all the things here.**_

 _So am I your servant now or something? I mean that was the last line of the chant._

 ** _To be honest, I don't really care about that. An omniscient being like me has no need for servants or worshippers. As long as you don't abuse the boons I grant you, I have no issue with you summoning me._**

 _That's good to know. I'm planning on heading into R'lyeh soon. Do you have any advice for me?_

 ** _The sunken city can be a bit difficult for someone inexperienced in traversing strange angles such as you, though I doubt you will be driven insane by the geometry there. The worst you will experience is probably a mild headache. For a person that has seen the shape of Yog-Sothoth and kept sane such as you, something like mere geometry cannot possibly harm you mentally._**

 ** _Once you enter the city, it would do you good to search for the Textbook that still lays within its ruins; you humans refer to it as the R'lyeh Texts. The Textbook here is the original one and is the complete version. That mockery of the Textbook held by mortal hands on Earth is nothing compared to the original!_**

 ** _Afterwards, you can find my grandson Cthulhu sleeping away deep in the ruins of the city, but watch out for the tentacled Horrors that roam the area. With your combat ability you have absorbed from the Root, they should pose little trouble. Then wake him up and say my name, and he shall not harm you. He will be the one to teach you the proper way to cast spells from the abyss._**

 _Wow, that was really detailed. Thanks a lot. I gotta ask, though, why are you helping me so much?_

 ** _Interesting humans such as you are hard to come by, especially ones that don't immediately go insane._** ** _Some people believe I am an evil god, though I think I am rather reasonable._** ** _I have seen the core of your being, and though you are bizarre, you are not a malicious person so I do not mind helping you._**

 _To hear that coming from an Outer God feels pretty nice. Thanks again for the help._

Gudako felt the connection cut off, and she set out towards the sunken city of R'lyeh.

* * *

As expected, the city was an absolute mess. As she trudged through the city, she would occasionally end up tripping and falling into holes that were pointing sideways or end up turning right when the road was clearly pointing left. Basic geometry was thrown out the window as she saw triangles with more than 180 degrees and circles with pi values that were exactly 3.

She looked upwards towards the surface of the ocean. There was some sort of barrier that separated this realm from Earth until the stars were right. It was a shame, but if the barrier opened then Great Cthulhu would take over Earth, so she would have to get stronger till she could get back on her own.

As she wandered through the sunken city, she would occasionally get attacked by huge red and blue cephalopods that looked like they came straight out of Gilles' spellbook. They would try to wrap her up with their tentacles, only to get immediately cut down for their efforts. Some of them seemed to immediately turn around and swim away as soon as they saw Gudako. Her instincts told her to follow them, and she was rewarded for her efforts.

She was led to a nondescript pile of rubble with a large number of tentacled horrors swimming circles around it. When she approached it, they immediately froze and looked at each other as if they weren't sure if they should stop her or let her through.

In the end, they decided to let her pass unimpeded and Gudako bent down to dig through the rubble until she uncovered a simple tome. _The R'lyeh Text_ , also known as the Textbook of the Sunken Spiral Castle.

Flipping through the book, she closed it after realizing that she couldn't actually understand anything in it.

"Take me to your leader," she ordered the tentacled horrors. She wasn't sure if it would work, but it was worth a shot.

To her surprise, it seemed to work as they began swimming in a certain direction. Gudako quickly stuffed the book into her phone and ran off after them.

* * *

Gudako was led to a large chamber in the middle of the sunken city. The tentacled horrors all stopped at the entrance, and refused to enter, though they were clearly motioning for Gudako to enter by herself.

It was a long staircase that ran deep into the ground. Gudako pressed a few buttons on her phone and used it as a flashlight as she descended. There was no sound, and it was dark. She couldn't suppress a shiver that went down her spine as she continued the trek down.

Eventually she reached the bottom of the huge chamber and was greeted with the sight of Great Cthulhu, dreaming in R'lyeh.

* * *

 _Einzbern Castle, Fuyuki City, Japan_

"So she's really gone, huh?" Irisviel asked softly.

Once the battle against the giant tentacle monster had ended with Gudako getting sucked into the book, everyone immediately made a break for it since no one really wanted to stick around for the aftermath. All the Servants quickly went into astral form and retreated back to the castle save for Enkidu, who was tasked with carrying Rin since you couldn't do that in astral form. Re-configuring his parameters and sacrificing all of his strength and magic to force his agility to EX-rank, Enkidu grabbed the girl and shot off like a rocket.

Now they were all sitting at the Einzbern castle to figure out what they should do next. The Holy Grail War had been put on hold since a giant beam from outer space in broad daylight wasn't really something you could cover up easily. Jack was crying for her mommy as the other Servants tried to comfort the girl. It was easy to forget that the little killing machine was actually still just a child, Heroic Spirit or not.

 _More importantly,_ Kiritsugu stared at young Rin who was sitting on Irisviel's lap, _what do we do with the girl?_

"She's probably ended up in a place where no one has gone before," Enkidu spoke up as he stared at the spellbook, which he had tightly bound up with his chains.

"W-what's going to happen to me?" Rin asked nervously.

"Don't worry, nothing will happen to you. I promise you won't be harmed, but you might be staying here for a while." Irisviel replied while shooting a look to her husband, who just looked away nervously.

Suddenly, every being that was supernaturally aware on the planet felt _it_ disappear. The familiar pressure of Gaia had been lifted somehow. Magecraft and other magical rituals everywhere suddenly became exponentially more powerful without Gaia suppressing their effects.

The Servants felt the effects the most; without having to fight against getting erased by Gaia, they no longer needed a supply of magical energy just to exist, as long as they held off on fighting and unleashing Noble Phantasms. All of the Servants turned to Emiya Alter expectantly.

"...Trace on."

A simple longsword formed in his hand. The projected sword was a low-ranking Noble Phantasm, D-ranked, no special abilities in particular besides being rather sharp. That wasn't the point, however. The point was that the original sword was D-ranked, so the projected sword should have been E-ranked, but it wasn't.

Everyone stared at each other.

* * *

 _R'lyeh_

Gudako stared at the massive form of Cthulhu, also known as the Evil God of the Abyss. He had an octopus-like head, wings of a bat, and a massive green body composed of foreign matter. The mere visage of Great Cthulhu was enough to drive even the hardiest of humans into insanity. Fortunately, Gudako's mind was already bizarre enough to avoid getting shattered, along with the fact that she had already gazed upon the visage of Yog-Sothoth, an Outer God. Therefore, seeing the form of a Great Old One, which was lower on the hierarchy, wouldn't be able to faze her.

From what she had learned about these strange cosmic entities, Great Old Ones were infinitely stronger than humans, but Outer Gods were infinitely stronger than any Great Old One, which had spawned from the Outer Gods. Despite all of this, there's still a minuscule chance for a human to outwit one of these infinitely stronger entities as long as they aren't omniscient.

Gudako walked around and examined the body of Cthulhu. He was just suspended in the waters of R'lyeh, completely unmoving like a corpse. She reached out and tried to use Structural Analysis on Cthulhu, only to receive a massive jolt to her brain in the attempt, as such knowledge couldn't be properly comprehended.

Once she recovered, she tried prodding, stabbing, and shouting at Cthulhu in an attempt to wake him up, but none of it had any effect as it was like he was dead. The only indication that he was actually alive was that any sort of wound on his body immediately regenerated.

"Cthulhu fhtagn?" Gudako tried calling out.

No response.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"

Still no response.

"God damn it." Gudako swore.

She looked around, but there was absolutely nothing of interest in the chamber save for Cthulhu himself.

She pulled out her phone, and seeing how it was dinner time, she got the genius idea to take her knife and cut off pieces of Cthulhu's tentacles. As expected, the tentacles immediately regenerated as soon as they were cut. At least she wouldn't starve in here.

Gudako sat on the cold, hard ground and slurped down Cthulhu-tentacles for dinner. They contained a lot of liquid, so she could stay hydrated as well as long as she was down here. The things you have to do to ensure your survival.

Since she had nothing better to do, she leaned against Cthulhu's foot and fell asleep while clutching the R'lyeh Text to her chest.

* * *

Gudako opened her eyes to see that instead of Yog-Sothoth, the Great Cthulhu was the one in front of her instead, in all of his tentacled glory. He seemed to be gazing intently at Gudako.

 **"What brings a human like you to R'lyeh?"**

"Um, Yog-Sothoth told me to find you here." Gudako replied as she remembered to mention the Outer God's name.

Cthulhu's face looked surprised, if you could approximate his facial expression.

 **"Grandfather sent you to seek me out? Explain yourself, girl."**

Gudako spent the next hour explaining how she was basically kidnapped by Gilles' book, how the Root itself chased her out of the World, and was forced to enter the Outer Dimension to seek the power needed to fight her way back into her own world, and how she was the Master of a Servant connected to Yog-Sothoth and Cthulhu, so she was able to gain the favor of the Outer God.

 **"That... is an interesting story, girl. Hokusai, I remember him, he was a man of the brush. He was quite odd by human standards but he was an interesting man. I remember showing him the beauty of tentacles. Very well then, if grandfather wanted you to come here, then I will give you the knowledge that you seek. I see you have the R'lyeh Text. Give it here. "**

She handed the book over, which floated up to his eye level. The book rapidly flipped through all of its pages before it slammed shut and floated back down.

 **"I will show you how to draw upon the power of the abyss. I won't ask for much since it was grandfather who sent you, all I ask is that you don't use any of my spells with Hastur's spells if you ever learn some from him. We do not get along very well. And if you could spread madness in my name while you're at it, that would be great. The stars won't be right for a long time, but scaring some puny humans should provide just a bit of entertainment while I slumber here in R'lyeh."**

Gudako nodded, only to narrowly duck under a tentacle that nearly took her head off.

 **"Now, no one said it would be easy. If you want power, then get ready to fight for it!"**

* * *

 _Clock Tower, London_

The Clock Tower in London was currently in an uproar. All magi everywhere were scrambling around like madmen, trying to conduct as much research as possible while the influence of Gaia was down. The power of formalcraft, which draws on mana floating in the atmosphere, had increased exponentially, while spells below the rank of High Thaumaturgy became much easier to cast. Rituals that usually required the combined efforts of several high-class magi could currently be done with just one person.

Barring exceptional feats of magecraft, it was possible to achieve several years worth of valuable research in a matter of days at the current rate.

The door to the office of one Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg was quickly shoved open by Lord El-Melloi II, who was looking like he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Wizard Marshall, what in the name of the Root is going on?!"

"What is going on, indeed," he replied with an uncharacteristically seriously expression.


	18. Chapter 18

**Any confusion caused in the last chapter is completely intended. Also, my creativity for this story seems to have suddenly flared up, so I'll be working extra hard on this story in particular. Consider it as me making up for those months when this story was on hiatus.**

* * *

Cthulhu gave out a terrifying cry as the ground split apart and _became a massive ocean_. The chunk of land Gudako was standing on became a small island in the vast ocean created by Cthulhu.

As expected of the Great Old One, he was able to exert his incredible power even in her dreams.

 **"I do not expect you to win, but I expect you to survive and fight back!"**

Writhing tentacles shot out from the ocean with incredible speed. Gudako leapt back and tried to reinforce her limbs, only to realize there was no magical energy to draw on.

She continued to dodge the onslaught of tentacles and slashed them off whenever she could, though they would simply grow back immediately afterwards. All the while, she continued to try and pull on that dark energy to fuel her magecraft, the power of the abyss.

Meanwhile, Cthulhu was pulling no punches, as forcing Gudako to fight for her life was the fastest way to make her tap into her powers. The attacks came without mercy nor restraint.

The purpose was to force her to the point of exhaustion, where she would either seize the power of the abyss or die trying.

* * *

 _Emiya Residence, Fuyuki_

A teenaged Emiya Shirou was serving breakfast to a hungry Taiga in his home. He skillfully chopped up all the ingredients with his trusty cooking knife. He picked it up and stared at the blade for a while. He had managed to project it around a month ago. He expected the knife to fade within a few hours, but it didn't. Ever since that day, everything he projected and reinforced stayed that way and didn't fade or otherwise wear out, as his workshop filled with swords and knives could attest to.

He briefly wondered if something was wrong with the world.

 _Eh, what would a third-rate magus like me possibly know,_ he thought to himself.

* * *

She could see the tentacle coming, aimed right at her heart, but she no longer had the energy to move. Regardless of her mental strength, her physical body was exhausted.

 _Move!_

If only she could cast a simple reinforcement, she could move out of the way.

 _Come on, move!_

There was no mana or od to use, but she reached out for it anyways. Her soul was screaming, but she still pulled. She did not stop, she couldn't.

 _ **Move!**_

" _Y' nafl'fhtagn!_ "

The words were foreign, but they came out of her mouth naturally. Almost immediately, the power of the abyss flooded her magic circuits and moved on its own, casting a full-body reinforcement. Skin, bones, organs, blood vessels, even her individual cells, they were all strengthened. Even with her newfound power, she only barely managed to barrel roll her way out of the incoming tentacle.

" _Cthulhu fhtagn!_ "

Green tentacles formed from her back and wrapped themselves around Cthulhu's arms. With all of her strength, she yanked them down and forced the Great Old One to fall into the ocean.

Normally, trying to use a Cthulhu-related spell against Cthulhu himself would be incredibly stupid, but since this battle was meant as a test, he allowed it to happen.

"In the name of Great Cthulhu,  
Drown in the oceans and die!  
 _Y' uln gn'thor!_  
 **Wave of Oblivion!** "

With her command, a wave of titanic proportions large enough to swallow a small island formed from the oceans. She used the sheer physical force of the tidal wave to wash Cthulhu away. He was much too massive to swallow up with the waves, not that you could actually drown Cthulhu. The very concept of drowning Cthulhu was unfathomable, after all.

As the waves died down, Gudako fell to her knees in exhaustion.

Cthulhu pulled himself up and waded through the ocean towards the tired girl.

 **"Not bad, you did a lot more than I expected."**

He threw the R'lyeh Text in front of Gudako.

 **"Now get reading, we don't have that much time to waste during your training. Hop to it."**

* * *

 _Einzbern Castle, Fuyuki City, Japan_

"Jeez, at least go easy on me, Berserker."

Archer threw Kanshou and Bakuya at the chandelier on the ceiling, snuffing out the lights. He quickly ran and hid.

Unfortunately, due to his terrible luck, a beam of moonlight proceeded to shine straight over him.

"Hmph, looks like the moon goddess doesn't favor you at all, Archer." Illya sneered.

"Yet, these hands will never hold anything..." Archer continued to chant.

"Berserker!" Illya ordered the mad giant to strike him down.

"So as I pray..."

Archer looked Illya right in the eyes.

 **"Unlimited Blade Works."**

A ring of fire suddenly formed, forcing Berserker to stop in his tracks as Archer's world overwrote reality.

Illya opened her eyes to see an infinite world of blades. The air was full of smog, giant monolithic gears spun endlessly in the sky as swords formed and fell onto the ground below.

"A Reality Marble..." Illya muttered.

Berserker and Illya quickly spun around to see Archer standing on a small hill of swords.

He slowly walked towards the two with his usual infuriating smirk.

"As you can see here, what you are facing is an unlimited number of blades-" he pulled out toward a random curved sword sticking in the ground and suddenly froze.

 _Something is wrong. I don't recall this sword being this highly ranked._

He turned the blade around and gave it a good look.

 _Where is Gaia?!_

There was no Gaia fighting to overwrite his Reality Marble. If he wished it, it would stay up indefinitely without having to constantly feed energy into it, as long as he didn't break any of the blades stored within his world. None of the blades in his world were degraded by one rank. They were all...perfect fakes.

 _Has my luck turned around? With this... I have a very realistic shot at victory. Yes, I can win!_

Illya unconsciously took a step back when she saw Archer's face. His smirk was still on his face, but it became one of glee. His eyes looked like a man who was absolutely certain of victory. She had never saw Archer with this sort of expression. Even with a broken arm and bloodstains across various smaller wounds on his face and body, Archer looked like he legitimately thought he could kill Berserker.

And it scared her.

"Throw away your fear and come at me!" Archer pointed his sword at Berserker.

"Go, Berserker!" Illya gave her order, and the mad giant charged.

* * *

Cthulhu and Gudako were reading out of the R'lyeh Texts in the same way a father would read a storybook to his daughter.

 **"Now, repeat after me.** _ **Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."**_

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

 **"Say that again. Mglw'nafh."**

"Mglw'nafh."

 **"Hmm, that's not quite right. Oh, I think I know what your problem is."**

Cthulhu reached out and tapped Gudako on the throat.

 **"Gotta give the ol' vocal chords a bit of a kick there. Try saying it again."**

 _"Mglw'nafh."_

 **"Very good!"**

* * *

Archer summoned the original Caladbolg in its' full A+ ranked glory and stabbed it into Berserker.

 _By Gaia, that felt amazing! Oh wait, she isn't here right now. Hahaha! Is this how that golden bastard feels all the time?_

"Hahaha!" Archer couldn't help but give off a maniacal laugh as he detonated the Rainbow Sword as a Broken Phantasm, which exploded with almost EX-ranked power. He had never been on the winning side of a fight like this, so this was a welcome change of pace.

Illya was going pale as she watched Berserker literally get blown to bits. She turned and covered her eyes from the bright light, not seeing that Archer had quietly set up a temporary wall of swords around her to shield her from any shrapnel.

As soon as Berserker regenerated, Archer levitated a large number of blades and had them all fire at Berserker simultaneously.

Despite the ridiculously large amount of swords flying all over the place, Illya never noticed that not even one sword came remotely close to harming her.

* * *

" _Cthulhu fhtagn!_ " Gudako chanted as several tentacles formed from her back.

 **"Very good. Now do 500 push-ups with them."**

"What?!"

 **"That's your punishment for eating part of my body. You can't just go around and take a bite out of a Great Old One. You're lucky I'm so apathetic, if you tried this with Cthugha he would probably incinerate you on the spot."**

"Well, yeah, you told me Cthugha was literally on fire."

 **"Don't get cheeky with me. You got lucky the only thing taking a bite out of me did to you was giving you a strong affinity for the water element. Tell you what, if you do your 500 push-ups, I'll teach you the Cthulhu Tentacle Piledriver."**

"Cool!"

* * *

Archer had his blades float around and fly circles around Berserker while he ran with Gae Bolg in hand. Without Gaia's influence, he was able to trace a complete B-ranked copy of the spear. Thanks to this fact, he could break the weapon to force it up to A-rank, and with the spear's unique properties, it became a very effective way of taking yet another of Berserker's lives.

He had managed to reduce Berserker's stock of lives down to two. Just two more kills. He was so close! But he was getting tired. Even if he no longer struggled to keep the Reality Marble up, fighting Berserker was still physically taxing, extremely so. The fact that he was still down an arm didn't help.

As Berserker swing his axe-sword, Archer ordered a copy of the exact same weapon to block the blow for him.

 _Thank goodness for levitating weapons_ , Archer thought to himself. Since he couldn't hold anything that required two hands, he had to make the swords block hits for him. Trying to block or parry a blow coming from Berserker with only one arm was suicidal, after all.

Taking advantage of the small opening shown to him by his Mind's Eye, he ordered a new wave of swords to shoot at Berserker. It didn't matter if it actually hurt Berserker or not, he just needed a big enough opening to overload Gae Bolg and throw it.

If only he could use his bow, but unfortunately he couldn't use it with only one good arm so he had to settle for throwing it.

While Berserker's arms were occupied, he seized the chance and threw the Barbed Spear that Pierces with Death.

 **"Gae Bolg!"**

The red spear visibly cracked and splintered the moment before it was thrown. It flew through the air, and therefore Berserker's heart was already pierced. As it sank into his chest, it immediately exploded with A-ranked force.

Archer stopped to catch his breath as he ordered several swords to form a wall in front of Illya to block any shrapnel while she instinctively covered her face, so she never saw what happened.

 _Just one more..._

* * *

Zelretch frowned as he tried to access the Kaleidoscope again. It didn't work.

Aozaki Aoko, who was standing across from Zelretch, tried to connect to the Root and use her Magic Blue. It didn't work either.

"Things must be pretty bad in the Outside of the World right now," Zelretch hypothesized. "It's almost as though the Root itself is preparing for something."

"Like what?" Aoko asked.

"Maybe aliens from beyond the Root are trying to break into the World, so the Root is gathering power from Gaia and the Counter Force to deal with this threat."

"Alien invasion from outside of the Root?" Lord El-Melloi II, also known as Waver Velvet asked. "You can't be serious?"

Zelretch just sat there with a frown on his face.

"Oh my god. I can't believe this. By the Root, _you are serious._ " Waver Velvet looked like he was about to pass out.

"What's going to happen to us if Gaia and Alaya aren't watching over us? All the magi are turning into madmen in their pursuit of research!" Aoko asked.

"First of all, the Root is completely inaccessible from within the World right now, not that anyone else outside of this office knows that. Only users of True Magic like us two or the rare person connected to the Root would notice that something was amiss. So no matter how hard they research while Gaia is away, they'll never reach the Root because there's literally no way in."

Zelretch took a deep breath before he continued.

"Secondly, once this whole deal with Gaia and the Counter Force blows through, any parallel worlds that deviates too much from the "average", so to speak, will be culled by the Quantum Time Lock. The deviant timelines will get culled or rolled back, and get merged together to result in timelines that are within the acceptable range of "average". Judging from the crazy amount of researching going on in the Clock Tower alone, I'd say we've already earned ourselves a rollback when the next Quantum Time Lock hits, because we've progressed too far, too fast with our magecraft."

The faces of Aoko and Waver paled.

"Normally, the universe creates a Quantum Time Lock once every 100 years, though it seems it'll very likely happen much sooner this time. Once Gaia and Alaya return, our world will simply be rewritten to how it was before all of this started, and all of us will be none the wiser."

The others could only breathe a sigh of relief.

"Now, about those aliens from beyond the Root..."

The faces of Aoko and Waver paled again.

* * *

 _I wonder if I could create that sword..._ Archer idly thought to himself as he ran around trying to dodge Berserker's crazed strikes.

Berserker did not have any more lives in his stock left, his next death would be his last. Not even his Mad Enhancement could hide that fact from him, as shown by Berserker's even crazier attack patterns after he regenerated for the last time.

Even if he had magical energy to spare, physically Archer was running on fumes and he knew it. In his desperation, Berserker was starting to shatter _A-ranked Noble Phantasms with a single swing._

 _Truly the world's strongest,_ Archer admitted as he frantically dodged another swing from the giant axe-sword. He was starting to get sloppy, and Archer was getting nervous.

He had to end this in a decisive blow.

Illya, who was still standing to the side, was sweating bullets.

With nothing left to lose, he called out to _that blade_.

The gears floating in the sky of Unlimited Blade Works spun at an incredible rate, the heat and smog increased as Archer attempted to do the impossible.

 _Without the influence of Gaia or the goddamn Counter Force, I can surely..._

He poured all of his feelings into his ultimate Projection as the wind picked up and blew through his hair and scattered the tattered remains his Shroud of Martin.

When was the last time he was actually emotionally invested into projecting a blade? He could no longer remember.

 _Judging the concept of creation_  
 _Hypothesizing the basic structure_  
 _Duplicating the composition material_  
 _Imitating the skill of its making_  
 _Sympathizing with the experience of its growth_  
 _Reproducing the accumulated years_  
 _Excelling every manufacturing process_

He was breaking an untold number of physical, natural, and magical laws but he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, the world could go screw itself.

Laws were made to be broken, after all. Good thing Rin wasn't here to scold him about it.

"Trace... ON!"

 _I did it._

He was tired and weak, but he didn't care. Berserker could strike him down in the next second and he still wouldn't care.

He stared at the golden blade of Excalibur, held in his hand.

 _I actually did it._

It might have been a fluke, a one-in-a-billion chance of success, but he did it.

It was a perfect reproduction of Excalibur, the holy sword of King Arthur. He immediately knew, this was a memory he would always remember no matter how low he fell.

Illya stared at Archer in shock. The blast from projecting Excalibur had ruffled his hair and blew off the red shroud that he wore.

"O-onii-chan?" she breathed out weakly. Even if his hair was white, even if his skin was tan, even if his eyes were the color of steel...

That expression of pure _joy_ on Archer's face as he stared at the blade in his hand was all the confirmation she needed.

* * *

 **"You've learned well, girl. I'm sure you are ready to challenge the world."**

"Heh, you make it sound like I'm trying to take over the Root or something."

 **"Regardless, I've taught you all that I can in our short week together. Go show them who's boss over there."**

"I bet you just want me to spread the name of your cult."

 **"That too."**

"Do you think we'll ever see each other again?"

 **"I gave you my summoning spell, didn't I? Or just wait for the stars to align and I'll come to Earth."**

"Eh, I doubt I'd live that long. Humans are lucky if they live past 100. The ones that live too long tend to turn into monsters."

 **"Who knows? You could always take the long way back by travelling past the Root to come back here, if you really wanted to. Or use the Gate spell that my grandfather gave you, with your training in using Outer magic, you shouldn't have any issues with that spell."**

"That's true, I never realized how useful gates are. Well, I guess this is it, isn't it?"

 **"Indeed, it is. Our meeting was short but enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you again someday."**

The two gave each other a handshake.

 **"Actually I have one more thing to give you. This is my boon from me to you."** Cthulhu reached out and tapped Gudako on the forehead.

"Space mead, huh? Sounds useful. Thanks a lot."

Cthulhu just nodded.

"Y''m bug wgah'nagl, Cthulhu. I'll see you later."

Gudako woke up, her body still leaning against Cthulhu's foot. She slowly got up and stretched.

"Well, time to go home. Thanks for the help, Yog-Sothoth."

She could feel the Outer God wave back from his spot outside of the universe.

"Per Adonai Elohim..."

* * *

"First of all, nothing we talk about here will leave this room." Zelretch said as he cast a powerful bounded field over his office. Waver didn't want to know what that field would to do anyone foolish enough to walk into a boundary set by the Wizard Marshall himself.

"From my visits to various parallel worlds, I would very rarely run into these peculiar cultists. They are generally not in the best of mental health. I do not have much knowledge on the eldritch beings that lay in the Outer Dimension, and the less you know about it, the better. If you ever see strange cultists, you should run and let the world deal with it. The Counter Force generally tries to exterminate them as soon as they are caught. If they offer you anything, respectfully but firmly decline. If you come across any suspicious books, just burn them. Don't even try to open them, you'll regret it."

Waver and Aoko could only dumbly nod. It all just sounded surreal.

"Honestly, this whole situation is giving me such a headache, I could use a drink." Waver commented dryly.

"I have just the thing." Zelretch pulled out a tiny bottle of golden liquid.

"From what I learned from... experiences I have had with these strange cultists, this is called Breath of the Void, also known as space mead. Drinking this allows you to breathe in the vacuum of space and survive travelling at beyond light speed. I do not know how it is made or how it even works, nor do I wish to know, for the sake of my own mental health."

Their eyes widened at the thought that there were things out there that made even _Zelretch_ of all people fear for their own sanity.

"Also, this is an extremely potent drink, just one or two sips will knock you out. Want some?"

Waver and Aoko didn't even hesitate as they each took a sip of the liquid and fell into blissful unconsciousness.

"Well, I can hardly blame them." Zelretch sighed to himself as he took a few sips of the drink and proceeded to join Waver and Aoko on a trip to dreamland.

* * *

Berserker rushed at Archer with his weapon raised. In Archer's mind, everything was in moving in slow motion.

He flooded Excalibur with magical energy, but it refused to break.

He silently cursed himself for making the sword too sturdy as he continued pouring more magical energy into the blade.

He poured all the regret, and the untold wishes he had buried away during the millennia he served as a Counter Guardian into the blade.

 _I just want to save Illya! I want to hold her tight, I want to tell her that Kiritsugu never abandoned her, I want her to know that someone loves her!_

All the regrets, all the self-loathing from his own failure as a big brother and the wishes he couldn't see granted from all those Grail Wars he joined poured out of him as he just wanted to save Illya with his own hands for once!

As if responding to his desperate prayers, the sword finally broke. His magical energy overloaded Excalibur, its flawless blade cracked and splintered. The golden light sealed within seemed to bleed out of the sword.

It was real, but it was also a phantasm. No matter how real the blade looked, it was but a transient image formed with his own soul. But somehow, seeing Excalibur broken like this only made it more beautiful.

Archer raised the sword with his one good arm. It was impossible to control Excalibur with its True Name released with just one arm, so he was going to have to settle for using none.

"Ex..."

To Illya's disbelief, Archer _threw_ the sword at Berserker. The blade seemed to sing as it cut through the air.

"...calibur."

True to its title as the Sword of Promised Victory, it sank directly into the center of Berserker's chest. As Archer uttered its True Name, the sword exploded.

All Illya could see was pure golden light. Somehow she felt that if she ever saw the release of Saber's Excalibur, it wouldn't be quite as beautiful as the one she was seeing now.

She fell to her knees as she was saddened by her loss of Berserker, her protector, but somehow she felt like she gained something that she had been missing.

She saw Archer also fall to his knees as he stared at the light. She couldn't tell what was running through his mind at that moment, but it was clear that a heavy weight had lifted off his shoulders.

As the light slowly died down, Illya saw that the Reality Marble had faded, and her castle didn't even exist anymore as the surroundings were completely demolished. But there were still a few golden motes of light that continued to linger in the air.

"Onii-chan..." Illya called out to Archer. She felt tears flow down her face. _When did I start crying?_

Archer, no, Emiya Shirou barely had the strength left to crawl, much less stand up. It was pitiful for a Servant like him to be dragging himself along the ground, but he could care less as he reached out towards his precious sister.

"Yes, your onii-chan is here."


	19. Chapter 19

_Gudako's World War - part 1_

* * *

 **"I'MMMMM BACKKKKKKK!"**

Gudako kicked the gate open and stepped through to the Outside of the World.

 **"ENUMA ELISH!"**

Gudako quickly jumped back through the gate and slammed it shut as the Star of Creation that Split Heaven and Earth washed over where she was previously standing.

She pressed her ear to the gate and waited until it quieted down before she stepped into it again...

...only to be greeted by a massive army of Heroic Spirits and Counter Guardians.

"God damn, are you trying to kill me?!" Gudako shouted at the World.

 **"We told you that we weren't going to just let you walk back into the World, you know?!"**

Gudako just clicked her tongue as she took stock of her surroundings.

Directly behind her lay the Gate to the Outer Dimension. If there were any apocalypse-level attacks coming, she could hide in it easily, as attacks originating from the World don't have the ability to bypass the dimensional gap. Although once she's too far away from it, she can't use this option anymore.

To the front was the veritable army of Heroic Spirits and Counter Guardians, all directly controlled by the World and unbound by Servant containers. Gudako could feel the oppressive presence of all of their Noble Phantasms raring to go, with Gilgamesh and his Ea standing above all others. He had just let loose a full-powered Enuma Elish earlier, with enough force to blow up a planet or five, so he probably couldn't use it until he let it recharge.

Beyond the back lines of Heroic Spirits lay the Root itself, a big blue ball of swirling light. That was her current goal; once she physically reached the Root, she could jump into it and she would be effectively untouchable since nothing else could touch it without getting immediately dissolved. The closer she was to the Root, the more power she could draw from it. With the magical energy of the Root, it let her cast single-action spells with the force of a nuclear bomb.

On the other side of the Root was the entrance back into the inside of the World which contained everything she knew and loved. Hopefully her Servants, Kiritsugu and Irisviel, and Illya were all still okay back in that Holy Grail War.

She was pretty much sure that the Root would try to hide the pathways back into the World, so she would have to steal the knowledge from the Root and then force herself back in with the Second Magic or something.

Gudako turned back and faced her opponents. They didn't move at all unless she did.

 _Jeez, did the World have to use the power of Gaia and Alaya from across all the timelines to call all of them here?!_ she thought to herself as she projected a new set of clothes to wear. Now that she was back in her world, she could use her native magecraft properly.

She quietly reinforced herself with magical energy from both the Root and the Abyss of the Outer Dimension, before she slowly prepared herself for the fight of her life.

Gudako slowly leaned forward, and sprinted towards the Root.

* * *

 _Tokyo, Japan_

Sajyou Manaka was plotting on how to grant the wish of her beloved Saber, the King of Knights, Arthur Pendragon.

"Hehehehe... I wonder how many sacrifices I have to offer to the Holy Grail to call out the Beast."

She had already killed the other six Servants, and she planned to summon the Beast of Revelation and use its power to break the Quantum Time Lock that would always doom the kingdom of King Arthur to destruction, such was Manaka's obsession and love for her precious King Arthur.

Unfortunately for her, you can't incarnate a Beast with only six Servants in the Holy Grail, you needed all seven. Obviously, she wasn't going to throw her beloved Saber into the Grail, that would completely defeat her plans to save Arthur's kingdom. So she would compensate by throwing a few hundred or so human sacrifices to act as the equivalent of the seventh Servant.

"Guess I'll start with papa and Ayaka first since they're the closest..." Manaka muttered to herself.

Suddenly her vision began to go blurry.

"Eh? W-what's happening to me?" Manaka cried out as she started to feel her legs wobble.

"Master?! What's going on? Hang in there!" she could hear Servant call out to her.

"I-I can't see!" she exclaimed as her vision began to go dark.

But what scared her more than her loss of sight and strength was that, for the first time in her life, she didn't know what was happening.

As someone connected to the Root since birth, she always knew what was happening, such was the perk of being omnipotent. She already knows what's happening, and what will happen in the future. All she had to do was think about something and the Root would inject the knowledge into her.

But right now, she _didn't_ know what was happening. The concept of "not knowing" was alien to her and it scared her out of her mind.

Eventually her vision became completely black, and she could no longer hear anything. Until she suddenly saw it.

The Root.

Of course she could recognize what it was at first sight, she was connected to it, after all.

And for some reason, the void surrounding the Root had turned into some sort of war zone. One the right side, she could see an army of various Heroic Spirits and Counter Guardians.

On the left side was a lone girl with orange hair and a white uniform, armed with nothing but a small kitchen knife.

Manaka watched as the orange-haired girl pointed her finger at the Heroic Spirits in the signature position of a Gandr.

 _Does she really think a Gandr would stop Heroic Spirits-_

Manaka's thoughts were immediately cut off as instead of a small Gandr like she was expecting, the equivalent of a small nuclear explosion came out instead.

 _What._

A single action spell should not have that sort of power. Hell, you could set up a Greater Ritual that takes a month of nonstop chanting and you still wouldn't get that sort of output.

 _This is absurd._

Despite all this, Manaka was unable to pry her attention away from the fight. This fight- no, this _war_ was the stuff of legends, probably beyond that.

She watched with morbid fascination as the Gandr blew a whole wave of Heroic Spirits to little pieces. Of course, the World would just put them together again, so it was no big deal in the long run.

Unless the girl managed to kill them faster than the World could regenerate them and send them back into the battlefield.

Manaka snapped out of her thoughts as she watched the girl dive away from some generic sword beam attack. It was average, nothing compared to her Saber's beautiful Excalibur, of course.

Then she could see the girl start chanting something and- _oh god what are those_

Those tentacles that suddenly appeared gave Manaka a excruciating headache as soon as she laid her eyes on them, she could feel like her sanity was bleeding out of her as she screamed and tried to cover her eyes, but her hands refused to move.

The tentacles snatched away some random Heroic Spirit's Noble Phantasm sword, and threw it at another Heroic Spirit, the blade sinking right into his chest.

As the tentacles faded away, Manaka gasped for air as she realized that she literally forgot to breathe after the tentacles came out.

She felt like she had just witnessed something terrifying.

* * *

Gudako blocked another salvo of arrows and other projectiles with a pressurized wall of water.

 _Good thing Cthulhu taught me plenty of water-elemental knowledge,_ Gudako thought. When used correctly, the manipulation of water and other liquid was capable of extremely powerful defensive maneuvers, especially compared to solids, since those tend to crack and shatter when they take too much damage. You can't exactly shatter a shield made from pure liquid, though, especially pressurized water that would violently repel anything coming from the opposite direction.

Gudako quickly compressed the water into thin spears and fired them. The force to compress and fire the water came from magecraft, but the damage done to anything that was unfortunate enough to get skewered by ultra-high-pressure jets of water was purely physical, meaning it completely ignores magic resistance.

Spells that work in tandem with science and physics are much more efficient, after all. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be a concept that most magi seemed to grasp, due to their disdain towards most science.

There was also a reason why she stopped with the excessive usage of nuclear Gandrs. The explosions were too flashy and it impeded her vision. When you're literally surrounded by Heroic Spirits that will stop at nothing to slaughter you, you can't afford to cover your eyes for a few moments because that explosion you just caused is literally too bright to look at. It would work if she was running _away_ from the enemy, since she could just keep firing behind her and not worry about getting blinded by her own explosions...

But this time she was running _toward_ the enemy in order to reach the Root, meaning that she would facing them at all times. And it also makes her Cthuvian water magecraft an even more attractive option to use on her enemies since she could see the source of the attacks.

Gudako quickly ducked under a sword and stabbed the attacker with her knife, the foreign liquid-metal blade striking with incredible pressure as it literally blew out their torso. Did she need to use her full, reinforced strength for that stab? No, but she was hardly in a position to hold anything back at this point. If she didn't fight back with all of her strength, she would surely be killed. Slowly, but surely, she was closing the gap between herself and the Root.

The hardest part of the fight would be at the halfway point, because there would be an equal number of enemies in front of her and behind her. As she continues to press forward, the fight would actually become a bit easier, since she would be considered to be in the back lines of enemy ranks, and all of her enemies would be completely positioned behind her, and at that point she could just start running instead of fighting.

Since her ultimate goal was to go beyond the Root and back to her home world, she didn't have to kill all of her opposition. Not like that would work, since they would just revive after a while, but the opposing side definitely had the disadvantage since their own win condition was to prevent Gudako from getting back into the World. Meanwhile, Gudako's own win condition was to survive, which was arguably easier as long as she manages to reach the Root, and at that point she would have already won.

But until then, all she could do was to continue fighting her way towards the Root.

* * *

Manaka continued to watch the orange-haired girl slice and dice her way towards the Root while using some strange water magecraft to defend and counterattack. She didn't recognize those mysterious spells, which was strange to her since she already knew everything there is to know about magecraft.

 _Is this what you call curiosity?_ Manaka wondered to herself. It was ironic that the person who knew everything would miss out on knowing the feeling of curiosity. Until now, at least.

It was a bit of a troublesome feeling, she decided to herself, to want to know something but have the knowledge hang out of her grasp. That girl was an anomaly. Even as a spectator, she could tell where all of the Heroic Spirits were planning to move and strike, but she couldn't follow that girl's movements at all.

So she decided that curiosity was annoying, but it also made her shake in anticipation, so it couldn't be all bad.

She had no idea why she was summoned here to watch this battle, but she couldn't wait to find out more about that orange-haired girl.


	20. Chapter 20

**20 chapters and 100k views! Thank you everyone!**

 _Gudako's World War - part 2_

* * *

 _"Behold my glory... Hear the thunderous applause... Sit down and praise... My Golden Theater! Kingdom of Heaven and Hell... My heaven, reconstructed! This is where the limelight shines!"_

Gudako turned her head to see Nero preparing to unleash her Bounded Field.

 _"_ **Aestus Domus Aurea** _\- Golden Theater of the Flamboyant!"_

Instead of trapping her inside like she thought it would, Nero had deployed her Golden Theater in the air. In other words, she was planning to literally drop the Theater on Gudako.

"Oh hell! _**Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"**_

With the quick chant, she summoned a mass of tentacles out of thin air. They shot upwards and managed to catch the falling theater from its bottom. Gudako pumped as much mana as she could into the tentacles as they slowly but surely managed to stop the theater from crushing her. She gathered all of her strength and lurched forward, her tentacles threw the theater aside, crushing several versions of Cu Chulainn as it crashed onto the ground.

As if on cue, two swordsmen in particular, Sasaki Kojirou and Okita Souji came charging at her with their blades drawn.

Gudako swore as she watched the two of them plan to trap her with a pincer movement. They had taken advantage of the small delay caused by throwing the Golden Theater as Gudako was completely caught off guard by their absurd speed. With their Noble Phantasms and high agility, it would be very easy for her to become trapped.

Tsubame Gaeshi coming from the front and Mumyou Sandanzuki coming from the back, it would become an unblockable attack.

Fortunately, Gudako had plenty of knowledge from the Root to help her out with that, namely Innate Time Control along with the Fifth Magic, also known as Magic Blue.

Normally, using time-related magic would trigger the corrective impulses of the World and the Counter Force, as time isn't something that could be messed around with lightly, causing extreme pain to the user. However, since they were all in the Outside of the World right now, Gudako should be able to utilize time magic without being crippled by pain afterwards.

She waited until the two swordsmen were close enough to her and then...

"Fifth Magic: Magic Blue!"

By shifting her own time backwards by two seconds and shifting the time of her two attackers forwards by one second each, Gudako managed to displace herself from her attackers. It was an equivalent exchange so it was perfectly doable, however her own inexperience in using such magic limited her control over time to only a few seconds.

 **"Tsubame Gaeshi!"**

 **"Mumyou Sandanzuki!"**

The two mystic sword techniques ended up hitting each other instead of Gudako, since she had displaced herself to where she was two seconds ago, out of range of the swords. On the other hand, she had shifted the incoming attackers forward, and by the time they even realized what was happening, they had already unleashed their Noble Phantasms, since that was what would happen one second in the future.

Taking advantage of their distraction, Gudako quickly gutted them both with her knife.

 _ **"Ramesseum Tentyris!"**_

" _Why?!_ " Gudako screamed as a gigantic pyramid of epic proportions started to fall from the sky. Apparently all of the other Heroic Spirits had already cleared away from the area, it was just that Gudako was too busy fighting earlier to notice. She turned and saw Ozymandias standing next to Gilgamesh, directing the pyramid to start firing lasers at her.

This time, Gudako started to rapidly fire Gandrs, each packing the power of a nuclear missile, at the incoming pyramid. Unfortunately for her, this pyramid was extra reinforced as the blasts didn't so much as scratch it.

Gudako kept running as the pyramid started to shoot laser beams at her while it descended, each beam had the power of the Egyptian God Amon-Ra backing it and had the heat of the sun itself. She started to chant as the falling pyramid kept trying to exterminate her.

She desperately kept chanting even as she kept running. Her lungs felt like they were on fire and her eyes were burning but she couldn't stop, not if she wanted to keep living.

"...YOG-SOTHOTH NAFL'FTHAGN!

Your servant calls upon you!"

Gudako stopped running and tried to catch her breath as an enormous gate opened underneath the pyramid. The gigantic tentacles of Yog-Sothoth himself shot out and wrapped themselves around the pyramid and literally tore it out of the sky. It tried to zap Yog-Sothoth with its lasers but it did nothing. The tentacles wrapped around the pyramid even tighter before it threw the pyramid back at Ozymandias and Gilgamesh.

Gilgamesh tried to blast the incoming pyramid out of the way by unleashing Ea, but the tentacles of Yog-Sothoth smacked the incoming Enuma Elish out of the way as the pyramid successfully crushed the two golden kings.

The Root had made a terrible error by using the Heroic Spirits as mindless puppets. Their ego was a part of their identity as heroes and by taking that away, they couldn't unleash their true power. It didn't matter if they could release their Noble Phantasms endlessly, they had no drive, no will of their own, and therefore they were fundamentally broken. Since the most powerful heroes were supposed to have some of the biggest egos, Gudako abused the hell out of this fact and mercilessly cut all of them down. She crushed her enemies because of her unyielding will to live.

If someone like Gilgamesh really wanted someone dead, he would be firing from his Gate of Babylon nonstop while shouting "Mongrel!" all the while. But this Gilgamesh being used as a puppet wasn't actually trying. He was going through the motions, since that's what the World was telling his body to do, but there was no real motivation behind it all, and the same could be said for all of the other Heroic Spirits.

As Gudako kept running at the Root, it seemed that the World was done holding back, however...

* * *

Manaka watched as the orange-haired girl call forth her horrifying tentacles again and stopped a gigantic theater from crushing her, use True Magic to dodge an otherwise flawless pincer attack, and summon even bigger tentacles to literally lift and throw a goddamn pyramid.

Even though she was connected to the Root, she was ultimately still human, and by human standards this ridiculous war, if you could even call it that, was completely mind-boggling. She learned that in the grand scheme of things, she was nothing but an ant, and that was a really unsettling feeling for her.

She watched as the girl kept running at the Root, and felt a pit form in her stomach when a literal demon was called out to stop her...

* * *

Gudako stopped running as something was being summoned in front of her. All of the other Heroic Spirits had disappeared, it was like the Root had given up on using them.

A familiar face appeared in front of Gudako. It was hard not to recognize, especially since he was the reason for so many of Gudako's troubles in the first place.

The World had decided to send Demon King Goetia, also known as Beast I of Pity, to face off against her.

Unlike the earlier Heroic Spirits sent out earlier, Goetia seemed to retain his sense of self.

"To think that I would end up in front of the Root in such a way." Goetia muttered. "Tell me, did you manage to save humanity in the end?"

Gudako nodded. "From incineration, I did. This time, humanity seems to be frozen."

"Hah... after all that effort, setting up all the singularities, all that planning to try and incinerate the Human Order, only to have them all frozen. What a waste."

Goetia shook his head.

"My only purpose for being summoned here is to stop you from proceeding. I longer have anything to say to you. Let us fight."

Goetia's tall and intimidating form towered over Gudako, but she remained unafraid.

Gudako rushed forward with her knife in hand. As they fought, she realized that the Beast was much hardier compared to the others she fought earlier. Goetia wouldn't be going down without a fight.

 _"My feat! My ideal! Know the true purpose of my birth! This planet will be reborn! All life will become the past! Sing your praises. My name is Goetia! **Human Order Incineration Ritual, King of Demon Gods, Goetia!** "_

Gudako grit her teeth as Goetia activated his Noble Phantasm right off the bat, just as he did in their previous encounter. As a beam specially designed to incinerate humans, it wasn't something capable of being blocked by anything bearing the concept of "human", you had to either take it head on or redirect it somehow, therefore...

" _Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth."_

Gudako quickly countered Goetia's human incineration beam by opening a gate that led to the outside of the universe where Yog-Sothoth lay. As expected, Goetia's Ars Almadel Salomonis was rendered harmless as the gate took it all in, though Gudako still felt the immense heat that the attack gave off, such was its extreme temperature that could exceed the genesis of the planet.

From then on, it was nothing than a glorified fistfight. There was nothing elegant about it, it was a brawl of the most primal level. Goetia punched with his fists, Gudako slashed with her knife. He hit her with all that he had, a nonstop rain of blows that would pummel any lesser being into dust with his bare fists.

 **"HAAAAAAAA!"** Goetia unleashed countless rays of light from the Demon Pillar eyes sealed within his arms.

 **"SHAAAAAAA!"** Gudako parried as many as she could with her knife as she advanced on him.

When she got close to him, he immediately started to rain punches at her. Much to his surprise, Gudako dropped her knife and started to punch back.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't expecting Gudako to suddenly summon tentacles to her aid. He tried to punch his way through them all, only to get decked in the face by Gudako's fist.

Even when he fell, she didn't stop punching. She didn't stop until Goetia could no longer move. Not like any of the Beasts could actually die without artificially imposing a concept of death onto them, although if Gudako really wanted them gone, she could have Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth drag them off to their own domain, where the usual rules wouldn't apply.

She grabbed Goetia by the throat and pulled him down.

"Amazing, you're not fully human anymore, are you?. You've already surpassed the Common Sense of Man... that explains so much about you. Is it insanity, or is it something else?" Goetia coughed out.

"You wouldn't understand... the constant rolling of the gacha, knowing that I'll probably get nothing good but I keep on doing it anyways and hoping for a different result, isn't that the definition of insanity? But yet I keep going on, despite the endless salt and despair, I..."

Gudako squeezed her eyes shut as a few stray tears leaked out.

"...I don't expect you to understand. The gacha eats away at your soul and turns you into a monster. I was supposed to teach new players how to play F/GO, but watching everyone else get gold Servants while I was stuck with the welfares from events, at that moment, I understood what true despair was. The only thing left for me is to go along with it and keep rolling. Even now, I can see Saint Quartz dancing in front of me..."

Gudako let go of Goetia as he fell to the ground and gasped for air, while she wiped away her tears with her sleeve.

F/GO? Gacha? Goetia had no idea what she was talking about, did she think she was a video game protagonist or something? She was on a whole new level of despair and insanity if she actually believed that, the poor girl was obviously drowning in her delusions. Even he felt a bit bad for her, even if it was his job to exterminate humans. He may have hated humanity at one point, but he no longer did, for in his last moments before death as Human King Goetia, he had finally understood what it meant to be mortal. If anything, he pitied them for being so worthless, that was why he wanted to remake the planet into a better place, at least in his own eyes, but ultimately he found humanity to be interesting, if nothing else.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Savior of Humanity, though I can somewhat emphasize with your despair. It's clear I've already lost, I don't have the will to keep on fighting you at this point." Goetia slowly pulled himself up to his feet.

"Why don't you form a contract with me? I'm sure hanging out with me is a lot more interesting than being ordered around by the Root."

"You want to make a contract with a Beast like me? You certainly have to power to force me to submit to you right now, but you think you can break my current contract with the World and replace it with your own?"

"Well... you seem like a pretty chill guy when you're not hellbent on burning humanity and all that stuff. Besides, you did everything that you did out of pity and not because you were actually evil and all. I mean, you _were_ planning on rebuilding the planet, right?"

Goetia just nodded in reply.

"Besides, I've never had the chance to command a Beast before. Chaldea told me I had 100% Servant compatibility, why don't we find out if that's actually true or not?"

Gudako started a metaphorical game of tug-of-war between herself and the World for Goetia's contract. She yanked with all of her might (and a bit of magic from the Outer Dimension) and she managed to wrest control of Goetia's contract. She felt her left hand burn as a set of black Command Seals etched themselves onto her skin.

"Huh, neat." Gudako idly commented as she felt the link between Goetia and herself form. She shamelessly stole more magical energy from the Root to cast a powerful healing spell on Goetia.

"Now, explain why you're here in the Outside of the World. Magi have spent all of their lives trying to reach the Root, and yet you seem like you don't even want to be here." Goetia asked.

"Well, the truth is-" Gudako spoke but was suddenly cut off as the World decided to summon yet another being to fight her. "Oh, for the love of -"

She watched as the gigantic form of Beast II, Tiamat, slowly formed into existence.


	21. Chapter 21

_Gudako's World War - part 3: Beast Wars_

* * *

The Primordial Goddess Tiamat, Beast II of Regression, also known as the Mother of Genesis.

At first, it appeared in its human-like "Femme Fatale" form, but she suddenly started to clutch her head and wail in pain as she seemingly started to transform into her dragonic beast form against her will.

 _"A-aaaaaaa **-aaAAaAAAAAAA!"**_

Her body morphed and grew into her massive beast form and started spewing black mud that made up her Sea of Life.

Goetia immediately grabbed Gudako by her collar and threw her onto his back as the mud started to cover the ground as far as the eye could see. She immediately grabbed onto the antler-like protrusions on his head as she clung on for dear life when the mud began approaching. Since Goetia was quite tall, the mud only reached up to his knees as he started to wade through it.

"Does the mud bother you, Goetia?" Gudako asked.

"It doesn't," he grunted out. "Anti-Humanity attacks from fellow Beasts are mostly ineffective. Actually, I believe this is the first time that a Beast is fighting another Beast."

The mud from Tiamat's Sea of Life would pollute any organism from Earth that came into contact with it, rewriting their existence into a Beast-class entity and imposing a geis of the highest level that would mark them as an Enemy of Man. However, Goetia was already a Beast, so the mud wouldn't do anything to him.

"I don't have any experience as a Master of a Beast, so I'm learning as I go. Don't be too hard on me, please."

"Hmph, you'd better learn fast, because I see creatures spawning from the mud."

From the Sea of Life, there were vaguely humanoid creatures of mud being born, but they didn't really have any substance since this was happening in the Outside of the World, where it's just a huge void with no material to create proper life out of.

"Goetia, throw me straight up," Gudako commanded as she jumped into Goetia's arms. "I'm going to take a few shots at her."

He immediately complied as he grabbed Gudako by the waist and threw her straight up into the air. When she was at the same height as Tiamat's head, she immediately started firing Gandrs at her nonstop.

 **"aaaAAAAaaa..."**

The sheer explosive force made Tiamat stumble back, but otherwise did nothing as she emerged unscathed.

Gudako landed on Goetia's antlers as he began to punch the spawned mud-creatures.

"Your single-action spells are strong, but not quite strong enough to directly harm her. Have you tried casting High Thaumaturgy?" Goetia asked as he leapt around the mud and punched out any attackers.

"No, I haven't. I got used to blowing up Heroic Spirits with just my Gandr, so I haven't really tested out any stronger spells yet."

At that moment, Gudako noticed something glowing on Tiamat's neck.

"Hey, do you see what I'm seeing?" Gudako asked while pointing up at Tiamat.

"She's been bound to the Root itself. The World probably didn't take too kindly to you stealing contracts away from it, so it's basically tied Tiamat up with a leash to prevent you from stealing her away."

"That doesn't sound too good. She looks like she's in pain."

"That's definitely the case. I don't know if you can see this, but I can tell that she is trying very hard to hold back her strength. If she really wanted to kill us, she would be charging us directly, but instead she is only sending her spawn at us. Because she is fighting against her orders to kill you, her binding is probably causing her to be in extreme agony."

"Is there any sort of magic that can break the binding on her?"

"No, if the magic originates from this world, then it won't work."

"So I just have to use magic from the other world then?"

"I-" Goetia paused as he recalled the tentacles that Gudako summoned before. "Actually, yes, that would probably work. Since you've seemingly made some sort of deal with the creatures that lay in _that_ place, you could probably fight against the magic of the Root."

"Good. Alright, I have a plan. Can you split your body up into the 72 Demon Pillars?"

"Yes, I can. Now, tell me this plan of yours..."

* * *

Manaka was completely entranced by the epic battle that was happening before her. She just watched a human? punch out Goetia, a literal demon god and made him into her Servant. And now they were facing off against Tiamat, the Primordial Mother, said to be the origin of all life on Earth. How cool was that?

She was so caught up in watching the fight that she didn't notice when someone snuck up behind her and tapped her shoulder.

"Hyaaa?!" Manaka shot up into the air as she was caught completely off guard.

She fell on her butt and quickly turned around to see a Japanese girl with long hair dressed in an elegant kimono.

"Eh? Y-you're like me..." Manaka whispered.

The girl just gave a serene smile. "What's your name?"

"I-I'm Sajyou Manaka. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"I did, but it's more polite to ask someone first, wouldn't you agree? Ah, I should introduce myself. My name is 「Ryougi Shiki」, but you can just call me Shiki. Anyways, I just wanted to say hello, so I'll disappear for now."

In an instant, the girl with long hair and the elegant kimono disappeared, leaving behind a similar-looking girl, except she had short hair and was dressed in a kimono with a red leather jacket over it.

"Ouch... jeez, what is this place?"

"Are you okay?"

She looked up to see a small blond girl with an aquamarine dress.

"Ah, I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting to be suddenly sent to this strange place."

"I'm Sajyou Manaka. Who are you?"

"I'm Ryougi Shiki. Can you tell me what this place is? All I wanted was to spend a peaceful day off with my husband and daughter, I didn't sign up for this, you know."

"W-well, this is the Outside of the World. If you look over there, you can see the Root."

"The Root? Isn't that what magi spend all their time looking for?"

"Yes, that's right. You must be connected to the Root in some way if you were sent here."

"Well, in that case, it must be my eyes."

Manaka looked at the girl's eyes and instantly recognized them with the knowledge from the Root.

"You have very special eyes, Ryougi-san."

"Ah, so you recognize what they are? It makes sense that you would know them, if you're connected to the Root and all. What's going on over there?" Shiki asked as she pointed at the battle that was going on in the distance.

"Ah, that's the Demon King Goetia fighting against Tiamat, the Primordial Mother. There's this strange orange-haired girl there too, but I don't know who that is."

"Hoh? That sounds kind of fun, I haven't had a chance to stab something in a while."

They watched Goetia split his body apart into the 72 Demon God Pillars.

"On second thought, they seem out of my league, so I think I'll pass."

* * *

Goetia had split his body into the 72 Pillars so they could all cover Gudako while she was chanting the aria for her Outer Magecraft. Gudako was sitting at the top of one of the Pillars, Zepar to be exact.

"Oh, you're that one Demon God that got bullied into submission by Kiara! That was hilarious, minus the whole "advent of Beast III" thing you had going on there."

"Just shut up and chant your stupid spell, no need to rub it in my face." Zepar complained. "Everyone makes mistakes."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just make sure those mud-things don't get too close."

While Gudako was chanting, all of the Demon Pillars were firing their beams at all of the creatures spawning from the mud. It was basically a glorified game of Tower Defense.

Eventually she finished up her chant, and a gate formed in the air. It was a path to the R'lyeh, the sunken city, and as soon as the gate opened, a massive torrent of water began pouring out. This was no ordinary water, this was a special liquid that could only be found in the Outer Dimension and couldn't be manipulated by ordinary water magecraft.

As Gudako predicted, Tiamat's mud was unable to contaminate this foreign water due to being too far removed from normal matter. Gudako held the gate open as more and more water flowed out and washed away all of the mud. Hopefully Cthulhu wouldn't mind if she took some of the water from his city. She didn't stop until she had a small sea of water to work with.

"Everyone, brace yourselves!" Gudako shouted as all of the Demon Pillars anchored themselves more tightly to the floor.

 _In the name of Great Cthulhu,_  
 _Drown in the oceans and die!_  
 _Y' uln gn'thor!_  
 _ **Wave of Oblivion!**_

At Gudako's command, the ultimate spell of the R'lyeh Text forced all of the water to form into a super tidal wave of titanic proportions. It slammed into Tiamat and knocked her down to the ground. Immediately Gudako attempted to drown the Beast. She knew that Tiamat was incapable of dying, but the act of drowning her would still be able to weaken her significantly.

After several minutes of drowning Tiamat, Gudako relented and had the gate take all of the water back into R'lyeh. Tiamat was left laying on the ground, coughing and sputtering weakly.

"Wow, doing that makes me feel kind of bad." Gudako commented as she climbed off of Zepar and all of the Demon Pillars dissolved and reformed into the humanoid form of Goetia. The two of them approached the fallen form of Tiamat, who was still coughing up water.

Goetia went up to Tiamat and checked her body.

"Looks like that foreign magic of yours managed to break the World's hold over her." Goetia explained. "You should quickly bind Tiamat to you before the World can reestablish the contract."

"Hey, can you hear me?" Gudako walked up to Tiamat's face and started bopping her on the nose. "If you contract with me, then you won't be in pain anymore."

Tiamat gave a pitiful moan as she nodded her massive head.

Gudako stuck out her hand with the Command Seals and it glowed faintly, signaling the completion of the contract.

Almost immediately, Tiamat began to shrink from her giant monster form back into her human-sized "Femme Fatale" form. Clocking in at 160 cm (slightly taller than 5 feet), she was actually rather short.

"Aaaaa-aaaaaa~" Tiamat sang out as she hugged Gudako's face to her bosom.

"Do you know what she's saying, Goetia? I can't really understand her." Gudako asked.

"Let me see here, she's thanking you for saving her from the pain and she loves you because she considers you to be one of her children. That's the gist of it, primordial language isn't my strong suit so I can only understand bits and pieces of it."

"Eh, I thought she hated humans?"

"It's more like she's terrified of humans as she sees them as frightening aliens. Since you don't seem to be entirely human anymore, she doesn't seem to mind your presence. In fact, she enjoys having you around, and since she's the Primordial Mother, Tiamat is basically programmed to love all of her children, and you happen to qualify as one in her eyes."

"Well, I don't really mind as long as she doesn't slaughter everyone again." Gudako gently pulled herself out of Tiamat's hug. "Oh, cool, we've made a lot of progress." Gudako noticed that they were much closer to the Root now. At this rate, she would probably have to survive a few more fights, but her goal was within reach.

Suddenly, everything seemed to shake as if the World was angry.

Then again, having some of the strongest human-killing monsters in existence stolen from you is a pretty good reason to be angry.

As the lewd form of Beast III appeared, Gudako and the other 71 Demon Pillars within Goetia turned to Zepar.

"Zepar, we all blame you for this."

"God damn it."


	22. Chapter 22 - character sheet

_Going to raise the rating on this fic to M next chapter, mainly because the mere appearance of Kiara is enough to warrant this sort of thing, ahaha._

* * *

 _Current status of the Protagonist (Gudako)_

Name: Gudako (Fujimaru Ritsuka)

Class?: "Class? What's that?"

Alignment: Chaotic. Just Chaotic.

* * *

Parameters

"Oh, I outgrew those ages ago."

* * *

Skills

Stabbing: She's _really_ good at stabbing things with that knife.

Punching: Who needs martial arts when all you really need is to just knock them down and punch them repeatedly?

Kicking: Same as punching, she considers the best way to kick someone is to kick them when they're down.

Flailing: By flailing her limbs, she can cause anyone nearby to become confused and deeply disturbed.

Lewding: You're putting that body part in _what_ hole? One hit KO against eggplants, kouhais, and saints.

Bullying: She can bully almost anything into submission.

Stupidity Inducing: Anyone that tries to fight Gudako directly (not her Servants, but _her_ ) slowly and unknowingly become afflicted by mental pollution, as though simply standing in her presence is enough to subtract their IQ. Effects include stupidity, poor decision-making, lapses in judgement and common sense, etc. The effects don't wear off unless someone calls them out on it, which will cause them to suddenly remember all of the things they have done and the self-loathing can be enough to break their mind.

* * *

Tentacles: Extra limbs to work with, mainly used to grab and cling to enemies and serve as a distraction. Counts as Outer Magic and passively boosts the effect of Lewding. There are a few types, but are subject to change in the future:

 _1\. A quick chant of "Cthulhu fthagn" summons tentacles attached to her body, usually attached to her back or replaces her arms and hands. She can cast reinforcement magecraft on these tentacles since they are considered to be a part of her. When used, it reduces her concept of "human", therefore reducing damage taken from Beasts and attacks focused on "human killing", but makes her weaker to "monster-slaying attacks" where the tentacles are located._

 _2\. A full chant to Cthulhu summons the tentacles of the Great Old One. These tentacles aren't attached to her body, but they still follow her will, and are also far stronger than the ones that are attached to her body._

 _3\. Using the extremely long chant to Yog-Sothoth summons a gate that his tentacles can reach through. These ones are strong to the point of being capable of lifting things that the common sense of humans would consider to be immovable, such is the strength of the Outer God himself._

* * *

Magic Powers: She technically has access to any school of magecraft, such as Eastern Curses, alchemy, witchcraft, or Church Sacraments due to her trip to the Root, but she only uses a select few. Just because she has the knowledge of all magic doesn't mean she can actually use any of them unless she practices.

 _Ars Goetia_ : Due to her contract with Beast I, she has access to the Thaumaturgical Theory of Goetia, which is the right to command the 72 Demon Gods as familiars.

 _Basic Magecraft_ : Low level spells like reinforcement and generic energy blasts that are universal to all branches of magecraft. This is her preferred style of casting, mainly because of its simplicity and her lack of proper magus training.

 _Root-based Magic_ : By stealing the magical energy of the Root, she has access to all True Magics and can do whatever she wants without repercussions from Gaia and the Counter Force, mainly because they can't do anything about it, and also because they're completely terrified of Gudako. By overcharging simple spells with magical energy straight from the Root, even a simple single-action spell can become the equivalent of a nuclear missile.

 _Outer Magic_ : Spells that fall under the category of Outer Magic do not belong to any school of magecraft in the World, as they draw on the power of the Outer Dimension or the beings that lay within it instead of the Root. Only a few select humans have access to these spells, and most of them are in cults that worship the eldritch beings that lay beyond the Root. One thing that all of the spells here have in common is that they eat away at your sanity and common sense, and they immediately attract Counter Guardians if they get too noticeable. For some reason, Gudako can cast these spells without repercussions to her sanity, although whether it's because the beings in the Outer Dimension favor her or because she had no sanity in the first place remains to be seen. Gudako currently has access to two branches of this eldritch magic.

 _Outer Magic of the Abyss: These spells are aligned to Cthulhu and are mostly liquid-based. It can manipulate water and liquids in strange ways that is beyond most water magecraft. The strongest spell currently available to Gudako is **Wave of Oblivion** , which is capable of sinking cities with ease. The main weakness of this spell is that it requires water or some other liquid to be present, as it doesn't actually generate any water to use. _

_Outer Magic of the Gate: The gate spells are aligned to Yog-Sothoth and can open gates leading to other worlds. Can be use offensively or defensively, examples including opening a gate leading to the outside of the universe to swallow up an otherwise unavoidable attack, or opening a gate to the bottom of the oceans to wash away enemies with the immense water pressure. The main weakness of these spells is that the arias all tend to be too long to use in the heat of battle without some sort of backup._

* * *

.

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.

* * *

Current Party

 _Goetia_ \- Beast I of Pity

He gets along surprisingly well with Gudako once they reached a sort of mutual understanding, as he is far from from irrational and is perfectly capable of holding a calm and civilized conversation. Though he doesn't regret his actions, he has accepted that Gudako has won and he had lost, and follows her around because it beats being dead and he finds Gudako to be quite agreeable despite her bizarre personality. After dying once, his view on humans has changed and he _probably_ won't try to incinerate humanity again, as long as Gudako is still around, at least. He's also surprisingly fine with giving Gudako rides on his head, because "at least I can put those antlers on my head to good use," or so he claims.

Also, having Goetia in the party passively boosts the effects of Gudako's Lewding skill, though he doesn't know that. "I wonder what I can do with those 72 meaty, girthy pillars...?" Gudako thinks to herself, and if she ever decides to use the Demon Pillars for _that_ sort of attack, it would probably be extremely bad for their mental health, especially Zepar in particular.

 _Tiamat -_ Beast II of Regression

Also known as Beast Mom, she has the personality of a kind, caring mother whenever she isn't trying to cause humanity's extinction. Though incapable of speech in the normal sense, Gudako can pick up on the feelings within Tiamat's song and respond accordingly, and Goetia can also understand her to a small extent since he knows a very small bit of Primordial Language, enough to get the general idea of what Tiamat is talking about. Tiamat is not unintelligent in her Femme Fatale form and has a surprisingly cheery disposition, as she likes to dote on Gudako since she sees her as one of her precious children, though no one is really sure why she does. Gudako hopes that by curing her phobia of humans, she'll leave them alone. In her monstrous beast form, she loses most of her intelligence in exchange for more power.

Also, having Tiamat in the party boosts the effects of Gudako's Lewding skill as well, though Tiamat herself is oblivious to that fact. Trying to present her with clothes results in a rejection, whether it's because she would rather run around with no clothes on or because of something else, no one really knows. "Being a single mother must be tough," Gudako tells Tiamat, though whether she understood it or not remains to be seen.

* * *

Extra information

Element: Spiritron, Liquid, œť£é¥§ăä±âĥûĺìť

Spiritron element gives her an affinity for Servants and other spiritual beings, who are completely composed of spiritrons.

Gudako gained the affinity for liquids after training with Cthulhu and eating parts of his body. It was originally Water but ended up getting changed after learning the contents of the R'lyeh Text.

The œť£é¥§ăä±âĥûĺìť element allows her to ůņú©øíġþ¢ŭ űčļďļěµŭ ÷âïæç īàœť£ĵô

Origin: ¹äąĩŏċē¨ůņú©øíġþĸÿ¿ªĉ¢ŭűč o̷̢͔̳̹͕̦͚͊͗̅͌̅ŗ̷̢̖̠̝̘̥̼͎̫͓̗͇͉̞̣̣̟͇̐̒̋̂̍͑͗i̵̧̩͓̗̠͇̙̟̠̰̖̞͛͐͗̄̈́͘g̸̨̧̙͎̮̪̬̣̭̦͚͙͂̓͘͜͝i̵̧͈̗̗̟̣͈͚̠̩̿̈́̌̐̈̇̾n̶̝͋̓̏̇̽̾̒̑̔̀̓̕ ̸̨͈̞̋͑̈͌͌͂̿̉̊͝͠n̶͈̬͍̳̺͑̀̈́̊̄̃̋̓̎̽͒͝͝͝ơ̸͙̣̳̠̜̬̣͍̠̩̻̥̋̈́̀̄͒́́͆̆̈́̚ṯ̷̹̥̭͓͉͔͍͂͛̃̌̄̋̕̚ͅ ̷̖̖͎̗̞̼̳̼̈́f̵̢̛̰͎͊͋̂̀̎̔̇̆̈́̐̃̀ǫ̶̡̧̛͕͖̺͚͖͍̪̦̺̠͓̘̥͑̈́̐͂̄̅̑̈́̊̅̑͛̊͂̏͒̚͘u̵̼̟̼̳̹̜͉͖̜̲̬͖̻̠̦̤̺̠͍͋́̀̈́̏́̇̇͂͋ṇ̶̬͇̺͙̑̐̉͆̇͒̅̒͜͝ͅḏ̴̜̬́͆̅̾͌̒͋̇̉ ļùŗšæ´ŗ¦ĭë³ųň¾ōĉá·ņđßžŷŕũţööüş²į¡¸ñîěº×ľ


	23. Chapter 23

_Gudako's World War - part 4: Alien Wars_

* * *

"Ufufu, what's this? It seems like I've been reincarnated as a Beast once more to kill some sort of intruder-eh? Master, is that you?"

"Oooooh! It's Kiara-chan! Can we do fun things in the bed?!" Gudako shouted with joy.

"Mou... As much as I want to, the World wants me to get rid of you. Such a shame too, you always get right back up no matter how many times I send you to nirvana~" Kiara and Gudako began giggling like a pair of schoolgirls.

"Impossible, there's two of them." Goetia muttered in pure disbelief while Zepar shivered in fear. "And to think that there would be a human vile enough to ascend to the level of a Beast, even I didn't foresee this. Truly, the vileness of humans isn't something to be underestimated."

"Ahhhh, ahhhh~" Tiamat sung in a tone of apparent agreement.

"Unfortunately, I have to fight you all now. I wasn't expecting to fight other Beasts like myself, but the World deemed it appropriate to give me extra Authorities to spread my love. I've become a Bodhisattva with the power to govern a solar system now." Kiara stated as she began growing larger and formed hand seals. Soon, the familiar image of the planets of the solar system orbiting Kiara appeared.

"Oy, you're not gonna start off with your womb attack so soon, right?" Gudako asked as she went on guard.

"Like I said, I have some new tricks to use on you all. Hmm...maybe I'll start with the closest one." Kiara replied as she firmly grasped the concept of the planet Mercury and crushed it in her hands.

 ** _"▂▂▃▃▅▅▅ーーー！！"_**

The spider-like form of Type Mercury, also known as ORT, appeared out of nowhere and emitted a screech as it slashed with the claw like appendages on its front legs, spraying horrifyingly sharp shards of crystals everywhere.

"Woah, cool! Can we keep it?" Gudako shouted as her eyes took in the form of Type Mercury. Her vision flickered for a brief moment to adjust itself to the alien view. If a normal human laid eyes on a Type, all the blood vessels in their brain would immediately burst from trying to comprehend the alien being.

"How ridiculous... to think she was given Authority over the Ultimate Ones...!" Goetia exclaimed as he grabbed ORT by its front legs when it tried to crush him.

Tiamat sang as she covered the battlefield with mud once again, the Chaos Tide clashing with the alien crystals that sprouted whenever ORT moved.

While Goetia was holding up the spider-like alien's legs, Gudako scaled its large, forty-meter tall body. Its body was composed of an alien substance, and crystal forming from its body tried to consume Gudako, only to seemingly slip off of her body whenever it made contact. Once she climbed onto what seemed to be its head, she reinforced her body with Outer Magic and started to kick and stomp on it.

ORT responded by manipulating space and time in a manner incomprehensible to normal human physics in an attempt to purge them from this reality. Ordinary humans would have been slaughtered with incredible ease. Fortunately for Gudako and her entourage, they were firmly rooted to existence by the skill known as Independent Manifestation, which negates instant-death effects and space-time skills that attack the concept of existence.

"Ara, ara, I hope you're having fun with one of my new pets." Kiara remarked as Tiamat unleashed her full sized Beast form and started to bite down on ORT. "I wasn't expecting you to last for so long, I might have to call out another one of my pets~" Of course, summoning another Type would force her to split magical energy between both of them, but Gudako didn't need to know that.

"Wow, really? I wanna see!" Gudako exclaimed as ORT wrapped her up with one of its appendages and swung her wildly like a ragdoll. Instead of drawing power from the planet Mercury like it would normally do, it was instead pulling power from Kiara, who held Authority over the solar system.

"Master, please stop." Goetia sighed in exasperation as he blasted ORT with a Human Incineration beam, the heat value equal to a million Excaliburs managing to leave a noticeable scorch mark on its outer shell as well as making it drop Gudako. She promptly climbed onto its body again and punched it in the face.

ORT screeched as it threw Gudako off of its body again, only for her to suddenly replace her arms with incredibly long tentacles and grabbed it by the legs. She used the momentum to shoot herself at ORT like a slingshot and kicked it in the face, knocking it down to the ground.

Tiamat used her mud to swallow up ORT, only for it to crystallize the mud on it and shook it all off of its body like a dog would shake water off of itself.

" _Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth."_ Gudako intoned as a Gate formed and the alien liquid from R'lyeh flowed to the ground. This time, Gudako made it mix with Tiamat's Chaos Tide, the mixture forming into a very potent sludge.

"Hyyyah!" Gudako forced the mud into the shape of a spear and fired it with incredible speed at ORT. It narrowly dodged but the spear tore clean through one of its joints, severing a leg from its body.

 ** _"▂▂_** ** _▅ー_** ** _ー_** ** _▅ーー！！"_** ORT howled as a mass of crystals sprouted from its body and reattached the leg.

"Well, that was worth a shot." Gudako shrugged as ORT snatched her up again and started swinging her around. This time Tiamat chomped down on ORT, making it drop Gudako, before flinging it to the side.

" **A** hh **hhA** H **H** h **h** h **.** " Tiamat's beast form scolded Gudako.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll be more careful." Gudako sheepishly apologized.

"The Ultimate One is too durable to reliably injure. We need to get it away from its power source first." Goetia stated as he glanced at Kiara.

"Oh, I have an idea!" Gudako replied. Goetia and Tiamat bent down as she whispered the plan.

"I see, I suppose that would work." Goetia gave his approval while Tiamat seemed to nod.

ORT stood silently as it tried to calculate a method for destroying its opponents. Suddenly, it went on high alert as it saw Tiamat charging straight at it at full speed, with Gudako and Goetia riding on her head.

ORT hissed as Tiamat rammed into it with all of her considerable strength. Gudako was chanting something while Goetia was providing suppressive fire by raining energy beams onto the Ultimate One.

"Gate open! Let's go, Tiamat!"

As soon as a massive gate opened behind ORT, Tiamat activated her A++ ranked Monstrous Strength and shoved ORT and herself into the gate. The sudden burst of strength caught the alien off guard as all of them went tumbling inside.

Kiara just stood there with a surprised expression, while the World sputtered and cursed. Since Gudako warped using a gate constructed out of foreign magic instead of using a Root-based magic like the Kaleidoscope, the World was unable to immediately track them down and had to use much of its computing power into searching every reality and timeline manually, akin to searching for a specific passage in an infinitely large textbook without an index or a table of contents to refer to.

* * *

 _One must wait endlessly._

 _The other must pursue endlessly._

 _This was the prophecy foretold by a certain magus._

 _Two miracles that must be performed for the hero and the king to be reunited._

 _After countless years of patiently enduring,_

 _After countless years of reaching for that unreachable place in the stars,_

 _They reached out towards each other despite being a world apart,_

 _Their love transcended beyond the limits of time and space,_

 _They finally reached the end of that beautiful dream._

"I'm back, Saber."

She couldn't help herself as a few happy tears escaped her eyes.

"Yes, welcome back, Shirou."

* * *

"Unbelievable...that boy actually did it."

The Magus of Flowers stared out at the Garden of Avalon as he looked upon the two lovebirds from his stone prison using his Clairvoyance. He had warned Artoria that she would likely be waiting for millennia, probably even longer than that, to reunite with the red-haired boy. And on his end, he must be willing to pursue endlessly. A reunion would likely be impossible, and he had told her that in order to save her from much sorrow.

Of course, the stubborn girl ignored him and continued to wait endlessly, until one day, the boy really did show up in Avalon.

"Well, she certainly deserves that much happiness, at the very least." Merlin said to himself, seemingly content with how everything turned out. He may or may not have pulled a few strings from behind the scenes, but that neither here nor there, and was certainly of no concern to anyone. Even the potent magical energy in Avalon's air seemed to lighten up, as if sharing in the King of Britain's happiness.

"Fou, fou."

"Eh?" Merlin turned around to see his familiar sitting on the floor of the tower.

"Cath Palug? How did you get back in here?"

"Fouking Merlin." Cath Palug jumped up and kicked Merlin in the face.

"Ouch, no need to be so hostile. Looks like your personality has come back, as well as your intelligence." Merlin rubbed at his sore cheek. "But surely, you've seen some beautiful things, right?"

"...fou." Cath Palug begrudgingly admitted.

"Ahaha, I knew you'd see it my way." Merlin cheerfully replied.

"Foukyu, Merlin."

"Now, now, no need for foul language. You've picked a perfect day to return, by the way. For today, the story of King Arthur has finally come to a close."

"Fou." Cath Palug jumped on Merlin's shoulder to get a better look outside.

* * *

"Shirou, I would like our home to be here."

The pair was standing on one of the many shores of Avalon. Artoria had expressed interest in living by the sea, and Shirou was more than happy to oblige.

"Yes, my love." Shirou replied smoothly, making Artoria blush fiercely. After an eternity of waiting, being reunited with her love was still a big shock.

Shirou prepared to project an entire house on the spot. With the incredible saturation of mana in the atmosphere of Avalon, projecting most items had become child's play.

"W-wait, Shirou." Artoria gently grabbed Shirou's hand. "I wanted to try building our home with our own hands. T-that is, if you don't mind." She poked her index fingers together.

 _S-so cute!_ Shirou thought to himself. "Of course, Artoria. After all, we have an eternity together now." he replied with a big smile. He projected raw building materials, such as wood, stone, and many other items. With the way magecraft worked here, anything he projected would stay indefinitely unless he willed it to disappear.

After a few days of labor, they had built up a nice home that was a mix between her castle in Camelot and the Emiya residence in Fuyuki. It was a strange blend of traditional Eastern and medieval Western architecture. Neither of them were architects, but the result made them happy, and that was what mattered in the end.

The pair looked forward to spending eternity with each other, though Artoria was rather annoyed that she had to make sure none of the female fae stole her lover away when she wasn't looking. Seriously, Shirou kept attracting females if she didn't keep an eye on him all the time.

* * *

ORT, Tiamat, Goetia, and Gudako fell through the other side of the gate and crash landed on some grassy plains. While Tiamat and ORT continued to wrestle each other, Gudako and Goetia quickly took stock of the surroundings.

"T-this is...Avalon?!" Goetia shouted.

"Eh, is it? I just told the gate to take us somewhere with lots of mana and not a lot of people."

Goetia could only choke and sputter in pure disbelief, in the same manner that a certain twin-tailed girl would react whenever a certain red-haired boy did something impossible or incredibly stupid.

"Whew, there sure is a lot of mana in the air. I feel like I'm getting a recharge just by breathing!" Gudako took in a deep breath, ignoring the two titans spraying crystal and mud everywhere.

"This concentration of mana is enough to make most humans explode." Goetia muttered. "Also, while this place may not have a lot of people, there are certainly plenty of other beasts that roam this land."

The resident phantasmal species, as well as regular animals, had emerged from the nearby forests to see what all the commotion was about. They consisted of beings such as fairies, orcs and goblins, and a minor dragon or two, as well as regular birds, wolves, lions, and other normal animals. Upon seeing the visage of Tiamat wrestling ORT, they all immediately tried to flee in terror.

The keyword being 'tried'. ORT simply slaughtered them all without even noticing they were there, such was its might as an attack-type lifeform. All of them were skewered by sharp shards of jagged crystals that sprouted from the ground whenever it moved. Tiamat doubled down by flooding the entire area in her Chaos Tide, turning all of the corpses into Lahmu and other sorts of Beast entities.

"Tiamat has become stronger now that she can exercise her Authority as an Earth Mother Goddess." Goetia observed as the mud covered Gudako's and his own feet. "And now she can unleash the full might of her Chaos Tide."

Exactly as Goetia described, with the life on Earth to bolster her power, her mud became powerful enough to melt through ORT's crystals. Along with the Lahmu that she was now able to create, Tiamat now had the upper hand in both strength and numbers.

Gudako picked up one of the crystals that spawned from ORT and analyzed its structure.

"Grain..." Gudako muttered as she sifted through the knowledge she gained from the Root. "Particles that make up the base form of planets as well as lifeforms connected directly to them, such as the Ultimate Ones..."

"And Grain is destroyed upon coming into contact with the magical energy of Gods, also what modern magi refer to as True Ether." Goetia added.

"So then this mud..." Gudako scooped up a glob of mud with her bare hands, having long realized that the mud couldn't do anything to her, and analyzed it. "Lots of curses, a geis, and a bit of True Ether in there."

"As expected of a substance formed from the corpus of a goddess, it's only natural that it would include such a thing in its composition. As long as Type Mercury doesn't receive any backup from its planet, the True Ether in the mud will slowly eat away at its body until it no longer has enough Grain to regenerate with."

"Oooh! So once it becomes small enough, I can keep it as a pet!" Gudako exclaimed.

Goetia sighed. "Yes, you can keep it once it become too small to do harm."

Indeed, before their very eyes, ORT, which used to be around 40 meters tall, was slowly shrinking as the mud slowly ate away at the Grain that made up its physical body. Tiamat in her draconic form was well over 60 meters tall, and continued to assault ORT with her Lahmus and mud.

"Tiamat, shoot that laser beam from your eyes again! It was super cool!" Gudako shouted.

 **"A** h **h** h **AH** HhH **HH."**

Gudako cheered as Tiamat's magical blast set a nearby forest ablaze. Goetia sighed again.


End file.
